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ANTONIUS, ROSABELLA
ANT. I promise you I am the same, my dearest hope,
Nothing but
only death shall separate us.
ROS. Since
wee are mett soe luckily at last 2020
I hope to
see our wishes now accomplisht,
But, my
deare Antonius, of all loves tell me
How you gott
that spott upon your face?
ANT. Ile
tell thee, Rosabella; I have a twin brother living now at London.
ROS.
Antoninus? 2025
ANT. The
same, I think I have told you of him heret’afore.
ROS. I
remember you said he was soe like you
That your
owne parents knew you not asunder
ANT. Hee is
soe indeed;
But that
Antoninus has a mole on’s cheek, 2030
They could
not distinguish us from one another.
ROS. I
comprehend.
ANT. And I
have assumed his mole with his feature.
I thank my
Trico for’t: ’twas his advice,
To th’ end
that I should passe for Antoninus, 2035
And soe make
as though I came from England.
ROS. How
then, I pray?
ANT. And by
this meanes we shall be receiv’d into my father’s howse.
ROS. You it
may be shall; but what will become of me in the interim?
ANT. You
will be respected as well as I; for you must know that 2040
Antoninus is lately marryed to Catherina, one of Manlius daughters. Now,
love, you shall be that daughter and my wife Catherina.
ROS. And you
Antoninus my husband.
ANT. Very
pretty.
ROS. But did
your father never see that Catherina? 2045
ANT. Never;
and my brother Antoninus was left at six yeare old with
my mother at London, and my father nor I have not seen them all this
while.
ROS. How soe?
ANT. As we
were passing France to goe to England we were taken by
the warre, and there continued untill a peace was made. Do you knowe 2050
my wish of you?
ROS. I knowe.
ANT. Do you
speake English?
ROS. Most excellently, for at Fez I larnt it first of
an English girl
who attended on me. Here in later days, for my better education and for
2055
your families sake, I practisd that tongue with an English freind.
ANT. And
likewise I, being English-borne, have had dealinges with
folk out of that countrie
ROS. Prithee
continue.
ANT. Soe
when we meet my father, we shall speake Englishe and 2060
feigne he is a stranger.
ROS. Well
done!
ANT.
Therefore you and Ile have letters to him
As though we
newly come from Dorothea.
I have them
ready here, of Trico’s doing. 2065
But now my
father’s come, what shall we doe?
I would have
told you more, but if you marke
And observe
my speech, you’le soone perceive the plott.
ROS. I will
be very carefull.
ANT. Hush. 2070
THEODORUS, ANTONIUS, ROSABELLA
THE. Now I must goe to the clerks office. Fie upon
this law, it bringes
nothing but trouble and vexation with it. But who is that? My sone
Antonius?
It should be by his lookes, but he could not returne soe soone God
it is he sure. Antonius, hola, Antonius. It is not hee; he does not
answere
me. Yet how like him he is! Sure ’tis he. Antonius, Antonius, hola. 2075
ANT. What
meanes the olde gentleman?
THE. Hem, he
speakes English, and has a woman with him. Pray who
are you, whence do you come? D’you understand mee?
ROS. We
both understand your language, sir, but cannot speake it.
Doe you speake English, sir, I pray? 2080
THE. I only
understand it. Antonius, why not answer me? Antony I say!
ANT. Whom
would you speake withall, sir?
THE. Good
words, sir.
ROS. You
are very uncivill, sir, to strangers, an old man too, fie.
THE. Am I
deceiv’d trow? It may be it is not Antonius. He has not such 2085
clothes as he was wont to weare, and he speakes in English (which
Antonius
is not wont to doe, nor, I think, is he able). Assuredly it is another
man, yet
truly by his face it should be hee. Beyond all doubte me thinkes it is
hee.
ANT.
Good old father, can you tell me the way to the pallace?
THE. Are not
you Antonius? 2090
ANT. I
am not Antonius, yet my name be somewhat neere it.
THE. Thou
foole, dost deny thy name?
ROS. Pray
God he be in his witts.
ANT. Sure
he is not well.
THE. Am I
not well. Why? 2095
ANT. You
call me Antonius, and talke as if you knew me.
THE. Either
you are Antonius, or I am not my selfe.
ROS. Prithee
lett’s be gone.
THE. What
shall I say to this? I saw him shipt and gone as far as I could
see. Lett me think upon’t a while. 2100
ANT. ’Tis
well, now he begins to doubt.
THE. But I
will try him further.
ANT. Fare
you well, sir.
THE. Pray
stay, what shall I call your name?
ANT. You
are very inquisitive, sir, but my name is Antoninus. 2105
THE.
Antoninus say you? Of what country?
ANT. I
was borne at London, but my parents were of Burdeaux.
THE. What is your fathers name?
ANT.
Theodorus.
THE. Your
mothers name? 2110
ANT.
Dorothea. But I pray, sir, why aske you these particulars?
THE. Has
your mother noe other children?
ANT. One
more here in Burdeux, my twin brother. Doe you know
one Theodorus heere, a gentleman in this citty?
THE. Doe you
know him if you see him? 2115
ANT. No
indeede, sir; though he be my father I have not seene him
these fiveteene years.
THE. I could
know Antonius from his brother by a little mole on his
face. I pray lett me see your right cheek.
ROS. He is a
curious examiner. 2120
THE. Loe
here’s the mole, now I know thee to be my sonne
Antoninus. Let mee embrace you.
ANT. What
now?
THE. I am
thy father Theodorus. Before I saw thy mole I took thee for
thy brother Antonius, thou art soe like him. 2125
ANT. You my
father?
ROS. Now we
are safe enough.
THE. Oh my
Antoninus!
ANT. By
your pertinent questions, sir, now I believe you are my father;
pardon, I beseech you, my former incivilityes. 2130
THE. My
Antoninus, thou art most welcome to me; but why is not
thy mother Dorothea come? Is she well?
ANT. Shee
is well, sir, and remembers her best love unto you by mee,
and by this letter.
THE. I will
read it presently. 2135
ANT. You
shall understand there the occasion that detaines her.
THE. But
pray what gentlewoman’s this?
ANT. My
wife, sir, one of alderman Manlius daughters.
THE.
Catherina?
ANT. The
same, sir. 2140
THE. O
Catherina, my deare daughter.
ROS. My
deare good father.
THE. How
have I long’d to see this houre! Catherina too, I can’t but
weep for ioy.
ANT. I
pray, sir, how doth my brother? 2145
THE. I sent
him to London for you to day.
ANT. I
am sorry I shall not see my selfe in him so soone as I hoped.
TRICO, THEODORUS, ANTONIUS, ROSABELLA
TRI. I stood and overheard every word. Now Ile goe as
if I had came
new from the farme. Master, have not I made hast? I am sure I sweat
for’t.
THE. But
where’s the steward that I sent you for? 2150
TRI. Our
curve-horne oxe is not well, sir, the bailiff gives him
physick to day but he will be here to morrow.
THE. ’Tis
well done.
TRI O
master Antonius, you have made a quick returne.
THE. Ha he,
who dost think this is? 2155
TRI. Who but
Antonius?
THE. It is
his brother indeed, Antoninus, but how much he is like him!
TRI. Pray,
master, don’t perswade me to that, this is Antonius his very
selfe.
THE. Peace,
foole. 2160
TRI. Pray,
sir, what woman’s that?
THE. His
wife Catherina.
TRI. His
wife; then will I be hang’d. It may be some friend or
mistress of his. But why doe you mock me soe, master? Look how he
laughs.
ANT.
What bolde companion’s that? 2165
ROS. Some
foole or jester.
ANT. It
seemes so by his manners.
TRI. Whew,
what tongue is that?
THE. English.
TRI. Soe now
he feigns to speake in English? Master, tell mee in good 2170
earnest if this bee Antoninus.
THE. Upon my
word, it is.
TRI. Tell
true.
THE. What,
dost think I lye?
TRI. I don’t
think you lye, but you tell one though. 2175
THE. Ha ha
he.
TRI. Doe you
laugh now? But take heed you don’t weep here after.
Soe much give me leave to tell you, master, you know I was at the
farme, therefore blame me not hereafter.
THE. Noe
noe, Trico, feare it not. 2180
TRI.
Remember.
ANT.
Come sirrah, you and I must jest a little together.
TRI. Away,
away, I like this English man not.
THE. Ha he,
why not bee merrie?
ROS.
Good sir, lett him alone, he is not worth your anger. 2185
TRI. Sir,
would you have me tell a lye too?
THE. Come
you hither.
TRI. Ile not
come neere him.
THE. Has
Antonius ere a mole in his face?
TRI. Hee? Noe, I have heard that Antoninus has. 2190
THE. Looke
you here then.
TRI. God I
agree — there’s a blemish I see, but in all other ways how
alike hee is!
THE. Now I
would have you goe to the clerks office, and bid Paetus
come to me to morrow. 2195
TRI. I will,
sir. But, sir Antoninus, I beseech you pardon mee my folly.
ANT. Well,
be it so.
THE. How doe
you, daugher? Are you not weary of your iourny?
ROS. A
little, sir.
THE. Pray
walk in then, for I have many thinges to speake with 2200
Antoninus concerning affaires in England.
ROS. At
your pleasure, sir.
THE. Hoe,
who’s within there? Come waight on my daughter to her
chamber where she may refresh herselfe. Now I will read my wives
letters; oh sweet letters! 2205
TRI. Oh
sweet plott! Now Ile goe to my companion Cupes, and instruct
him what he shall doe. We must watch hereabouts very narrowly for feare
the busines be brought to a straight. Oh me, what shall I doe now? Here
comes Pyropus the broker with all speed.
ANT. ’Slife,
here’s the broker come and I have his clothes on my back. 2210
If Trico helpe me not now, wee are all broke.
PYROPUS, ANTONIUS, THEODORUS
PYR. Truly I have shew’d the ring that Antonius gave
me in pawne for
his clothes to all the goldsmiths about towne, and they all tell me it
is
brasse, and the carbuncle noe other but a little glass cuningly wrote.
To
see how quickly that subtile Trico had gott me into a fooles paradise! 2215
When once he heard me say “look how it sparkles, truly!” he presently
dobles his wordes, and cryes “oh how it sparkles, like any fire truly!”
Now I may say truly I have gott little of ’em and sweare it truly. We
deceive others and some times we are caught our selves, yet I doe not
feare but I shall gett my clothes agin. 2220
ANT. I feare
it very much.
THE. They
are most loving and discreet letters.
ANT. Me
thinkes I am somewhat weary, sir, pray lett us goe in I pray.
THE. You
speake our tongue?
ANT. A
worde or two, sir. Indeede, I almost forgot myself, soe did 2225
this broker perturb mee.
PYR. But
look where he is, I am come must oppertunely.
THE. Come,
lett’s goe then.
PYR. Monsieur,
what a man of your fashion deale soe with me?
THE. Look,
he takes him for some other too, ha he. 2230
PYR. Is it
not enough to cosin me, but you must laugh at me too?
THE. Ha he
he, I canot hold laughing. You must pardon me, I am
very merry to day, and I have much reason for it.
ANT. Another
mistake, sir.
THE. To who
doe you think you speake now? 2235
PYR. To the
young man there, Antonius.
THE. I knew
thou wer’st deceived, ha ha he.
ANT. All
thinges goe well hitherto.
PYR. I was
indeed, sir, for this Antonius has given me a counterfeit
ring in pawne for his clothes. 2240
ANT. Sir,
this fellow is some cheater sure.
THE. I think
soe too, but I tell thee Antonius is gone to London.
ANT. The
more I looke upon the fellow, the worse I like him. If you
marke him well, sir, he hath a knaves look.
THE. He doth
misplease. 2245
ANT. Sir,
will you give me leave to beate the knave?
THE. Hold
thy peace.
PYR. In
English now? I see how my things are carryed.
THE. How
often shall I tell thee he is not Antonius?
PYR. Who is he, then? 2250
THE. His
brother Antoninus.
PYR. Today
he was Antonius, now Antoninus, and perchance by and
by Antoninulus, soe by these diminutive names I shall be diminish’d of
my clothes.
THE. Ha ha
he, prithee tell me, had Antonius e’re a mole or spott 2255
in his face?
PYR. Noe
indeed.
THE. But
see, this man has.
PYR. Am I
deceiv’d trow? Noe, I see my very clothes on his back, I am
sure there’s noe spott in them. 2260
ANT. Sir,
he sees I am a stranger and meanes to abuse me.
THE. Thou
simple fellow, what should he doe with thy clothes?
PYR. I know
not, but I am sure he has them.
ANT. Come
hither, sirrah, you.
PYR. Doe you
think to cheat me of my clothes in English? Yet you will 2265
return them to mee in French.
THE. He
stands very stifly on’t; sure there is something in the matter,
I doe much marveile.
ANT. This
goes ill. By’r lady, he begins to doubt. Sir, it may be
Antonius borrowed some cloathes of him. 2270
THE. There’s
something else in it, whatere it bee.
TRICO, CUPES, ANTONIUS, THEODORUS, PYROPUS
TRI. Now you must speake English, and make as though
—
CUP. Come,
come, I understand it all, now Ile be the marriner that
brought Antoninus to day, and soe Ile confute the broker.
TRI. Make
hast then, and Ile hide mee close by. 2275
PYR. Would
you have me fetch a sergeant and arrest you for my clothes?
THE. I
wonder what this should bee.
CUP. O
maister Antonine, God save you sir. I come for money, sir,
for your passage.
ANT. Welcome,
marriner. 2280
CUP. How
doth Mistress Catherina?
ANT. Shee’s
well within heere.
THE. What
man is that?
ANT. The
master’s mate, sir, that brought us over.
THE. He is
come in very good time. Honest friend, did you bring this man 2285
from London?
ANT. Hee
understands you not, sir. Hee askes if you brought us from
London hither.
CUP. Marrie
did I, sir.
ANT. Here
is an odde fellow saies no. 2290
CUP. Doth
hee in truth?
ANT. And
saies that I am not Antoninus.
CUP. Very
good i’faith.
ANT. And
that I weare his clothes.
CUP. Better
and better, but does he indeed? The rogue meanes to cheate 2295
me of my hire. Shall I beat the slave?
THE. Stay,
hoe, here’s the mariner that brought him out of England.
What sayst thou now?
PYR. ’Tis
well, I see what you ayme at.
ANT. This
fellow will not beleeve you. 2300
CUP. He
is an infidell? Lett me come to the pagan.
PYR. He
threatens me too, this is brave.
CUP. By
the faith of a saylor, sir, there be an hundred mariners can
testifie I brought this gentleman and Mistress Catherina over in the
good ship
calld the Speedwell. 2305
THE. He saies there bee an hundred other marriners in
the port ready to
swear the same thing.
PYR. I say
here’s a confederacy.
CUP. Hang
him, swabber. Doth he grumble? If you love me, let me
give him a salte eele. Well, I am in haste. Mony, sir, for the passage.
2310
ANT. I
pray, sir, give him his mony, I have not enough to pay him.
THE. How
much is it?
ANT. How
much?
CUP. Six
shillings you know, and richly worth it, though I say it. You
had as good biskett and salt beefe. 2315
THE. Hoe
Richard, bring me hither twenty crownes.
PYR. What,
doe you talk of twenty crownes? You doe naught, pray
give me my clothes agin.
CUP. I
know he speakes ill of me, I must needs hang him.
PYR. Oh what
doe you meane? Will you kill me? 2320
THE. Pray
lett him alone.
CUP. What
cony-catchers heere!
PYR. Is it
soe indeed? But Ile take a course with you at law. [Exit.]
CUP. Doe
you mumpe still?’Twas time for you to goe i’faith. Your
sonne, sir, was never sicke all the way, marry his man and his maid
were 2325
faine to be sett on shore.
THE. Ile
gett you other servants, Antoninus. Here, saylor, take thy hyre.
[He gives him money.]
CUP. I
marry, sir, I understand this well. Here is a brave winde for
us. If it will hold this weeke, I am for London againe: will you any 2330
thing to your mother?
THE.
Remember my love to her.
ANT. Remember
my fathers love, and my duty.
CUP. I
will, adieu.
THE. Sonne,
now lett’s goe in. 2335
ANT. Oh my
Cupes, thou hast preserv’d mee. [Exeunt Theodorus,
Antonius.]
CUP. Away,
away, least we are discover’d.
TRI. Oh my
fraud, thou hast put life in’t! Now Theodorus is really
confirm’d. 2340
CUP. You
have gott dry mony upon the by, Cupes; good English,
very good English. This shall buy me another supper, but Polla
shaln’t
dress it.
TRI. Thus
have our japes gone well. But what if Ignoramus should come now?
CUP. I know
he will come and disturb us, but I have found out an
excellent way to punish him. 2345
TRI. Prithee
how?
CUP. Through
his words and Polla’s together, there’s a rumor among
all the neighbours that he is posest with a devil, and it passes for
currant.
TRI. Why
then, he must be coniur’d.
CUP. Right,
and I have acquainted Polla with it already. 2350
TRI. Then
you two are good friends.
CUP. Aye, aye, and she has promisd me to put her
helping hand to
it, and if Torcol should come in the interim, we must scare him away by
some meanes or other.
TRI. But who
shall coniure him? 2355
CUP. Harke
you, Ile tell you, Trico. But soft, here comes my brother
Cola, that merry wagg. Two to one he is seeking for me to crack a pint
with
him. He shall act a part in this.
COLA, CUPES, TRICO
COL. Ha ha he, now where shall I find my pett
companion Cupes?
CUP. I told
you soe. 2360
COL. I have
won my brother monkes hood and his bookes at dice.
Now he sweares like a muleteer and curses me to the pitt of hell, but I
care not for that. Cupes shall sell them for me, and we will have a
sumpteous supper together. I can’t live alwayes uppon pottage. Ile goe
find him out. 2365
CUP. O my
confessor.
COL. O my
compotator.
CUP. My
spirituall father.
COL. My
carnall brother.
CUP. Let us
drink at the wine. COL. Nine cupps would be fine 2370
CUP. My hooded
friar.
COL. Beefe
tong to eat. CUP. Good cheer most sweete.
COL. O daintie
friar.
Ha he, lett us laugh, lett us embrace.
CUP.
Brother, I have a busines you must needs doe for me. 2375
COL. What is
it?
CUP. We have
one Ignoramus here, an English lawyer that must be
coniured.
COL. Has he
a devill?
CUP. Some
such thing. If youle promise me to doe it, I will tell you 2380
what it is.
COL. I will
doe it with a good will. If he be not posest I shall raise my
name, however (as many others have). What will folks say? “Famous
brother Cola, our holy brother Cola, does cast out devills,” ha he.
TRI. And you
have a hood there fitt for the purpose. 2385
COL. But
this must be sold.
CUP. Not
yet, brother Cupes will cast out devills too. Ile put on this and
helpe you in the exorcisme.
COL. Ile
wear a gloomy looke. My head bent lowe, I’ll change my
face, see, see. 2390
CUP. Oh
dainty, ha ha he.
TRI. And
after you have coniur’d the spirritt let him be carry’d to the
monestary and there kept by our fraternity with other exorcismes.
COL. You say
well, and when we have done, brother, we will coniure
this tongue. 2395
CUP. Ha he,
not with holy water but blessed wine, brother.
COL. Ha he, weele sup together at the Swimminge Sow, O
qui’l y a
de bon vin la. We’le drink and dance, and roare and sing, hei hoop
hei.
But you shall sell these.
CUP. What,
old superstitious scraps? Phooh, they are nothing worth, 2400
Brother Menot and Brother Maliard. O most silly.
TRI. Pray
make hast and dress you quickly.
CUP.
Brother, you must goe to St. Severins and fetch the thinges for the
exorcisme. In the meane while Ile goe dress me and meet you here agin.
COL. Ile goe
then, but keepe this tongue safe, bee my fidus Achates. 2405
CUP.
“Knowe it is the first of virtues to hold your tongue” — Cato.
TRI. Assoone
as Ignoramus has come, Ile notifie you straightway.
CUP. Lett us
goe, each man to his worke.
IGNORAMUS, TRICO, DULMAN
IGN. Stop, Dulman, stop you felon, stop him there. [Exit]
TRI. Now Ile
to my master Antonius and certefy him of all thinges. And 2410
afterward Ile goe back to Cupes by way of the alley. [Exit.]
IGN. Stop,
Dulman, stop him. Ah hah, you vagabond felon, I have you
by the eares now, don’t budge, ne bouge point.
DUL. Oh
good, good master.
IGN. Ah
fugitive, didst think I could not catch thee if thou werst upon the 2415
face of the earth? What didst fly for? Soe why are you in flight?
DUL. I did
not fly, but run away because you were in such a pelting
chollor for Rosabella you would not heare me.
IGN. A good
yeare take thee, what should I heare? Where do you thinke
I found him? By my faith he was rubbing in a certaine publick place for
the 2420
rowling of balls, cald a bowling alley, where he play’d at
lawless games
contrary to the statute. Now I find which way my crownes went.
DUL. Indeed,
master, I did but look on.
IGN. Oh thou
are a supervisor. Dulman, thou hast been my clerk now
come the time will be twenty yeeres. Didst ever in thy life see me at
bowles? 2425
DUL. Not I,
truly.
IGN. Noe, I
warrant thee; and thou art a gamster? Goe, gett thee another
desk, thou shalt write noe more at mine, Dulman.
DUL. Oh
master, if you put me from you I am undone as one would undoe an
oyster.
IGN. Then
why didst not bring Rosabella to me? 2430
DUL. I
brought you the same Rosabella that he deliver’d to me for your use.
IGN. A rope
take thee, wilt thou contrary me still? Had hee ’ere a crooked neck?
DUL. Yes by
my faith had hee, and they wept soe at their parting that
I could not forbeare weeping too.
IGN. Ah,
thou art a magnus vitulus, namelie a great calfe. 2435
DUL. And
they gave me both wine and sugare.
IGN. Wine
and sugar? There ’tis, i’faith. A fine sugar’d foole, thou’lt
undoe thy master for a peece of sugar.
DUL. He have
me a peece of gold too.
IGN. Where’s
that? Give it me. 2440
DUL. Master,
that’s mine owne.
IGN. Thou
art a cuning theefe, I see. sirrah, where’s my counterpane?
DUL. He
promisd to bring it presently after me.
IGN. He promis’d it. I promise thee thou art a looby,
Dulman? Dulman
in verie truth! 2445
DUL. For
Rosabella, Master —
IGN. Hang
you, hang you, I thought Musaeus had been more asse than
thee, but thou art more asse then the greatest universitant.
DUL. Not
soe, I hope.
IGN. There
can’t be a greater ill then to have ill servants. I sent Pecus 2450
to Torcol for Rosabella too, and he is not come agin yett. I thinke he
is run
away too.
DUL. Pray,
master, pardon this, and Ile fight like a devill for you if the
gelders should come agin.
IGN. Ile
fight my selfe now, lett ’em come if they dare. I am well 2445
appointed for them, look you here.
DUL. But
master, is it not a ryott to weare three daggers?
IGN. Se
defendendo, or in ones owne defence it is not. If I should kill ’em
then lett ’em look to themselves, for in my owne defence I may kill who
I
will by the law. 2460
DUL. Master,
I have copied out the deed, see here.
IGN. Give it
over, Ile copy you.
TORCOL, IGNORAMUS, DULMAN
TOR. Now I have mett with my youth. Trico’s sycophant
Pecus comes
peaking to my back doore and by chance I spyed him, and ask’d him who
he was. He answeres me Ignoramus’ Pecus and that his master sent him to
me 2465
for the true Rosabella, ha he. But I have the knave fast enough by the
heeles;
Trico deceive a Portugese?
IGN. Take
that, thou asse. Wilt ever write false Latin? If thou canst not
write true Latin as I doe, cut off thy words in the middle, and make
quirks and
dashes as many doe, soe shalt thou neither erre in the Latin or in the
law. 2470
DUL. That’s
a right good rule.
TOR. O
señor Ignoramo, com’ esta vuestra merced?
DUL. Com’
esta? Villan in grosso, for a comon pandor as thou art,
Ile complement with thee.
TOR. Ha ha
he, how merry my kinsman is! How does my senora 2475
Rosabella?
IGN. Doe you
mock me too. But Ile have your eares if your capp be
made of wooll.
TOR. What,
are cloy’d already with sweet Rosabella? Ha he.
IGN. Dost
laught too? The devill crack thy crooked neck, dost thinke 2480
it is a laughing matter?
TOR. Ha he,
how long shall we sport thus?
IGN. Well,
laugh on, but if I don’t make thee howle at the barr like
an owle —
TOR. You are
very pleasant, senor. Soe am I, ha he, but pray tell 2485
me, are you in earnest or in iest?
IGN. Dost
make a iest on’t to send me an old decreped hagg for
Rosabella?
TOR. I
wonder whats the trubble.
IGN. What,
doe you wonder? 2490
TOR. Your
servant Dulman brought me the indenture and six hundred
crownes and shewd me the signe that was betweene us, and I deliver’d
him Rosabella.
IGN. Come
hither, thou good for nothing, dost heare what he sayes?
DUL. I heare
him. 2495
TOR. Did I
give you e’re a deformed woman?
DUL. He that
had the mony of me, gave her to mee.
TOR. Did I
give her to thee?
DUL. I know
not, but he had iust such a wry neck.
IGN. Peace, sir calfe, and hold you your toung. Heare
your charge,
2500
neither of you answeare a word unless I ask you. Is this the man?
DUL. Truly
it is as I hope
IGN. Peace,
sirrah, peace, hah? Is this he that
TOR. Truly
nor I.
IGN. Diable,
oun’t you hold your tongue? Answeare me when I speake 2505
to you.
DUL. Master
IGN. What,
agin? If I take thee in hand Is this he that gave you
the disguised woman?
DUL. It was
Torcol that gaver her to me, but not such a Torcol. 2510
IGN. Now
speake you. Did you give him Rosabella?
TOR. He that
I have her to was not such a Dulman.
IGN. To whom
did you give her? Ile know the trueth of this.
TOR. To
another that demanded her in your name.
DUL. Parly
tu, what maner of man was he that had my verses? 2515
DUL. Profecto
erat gracilis gracillimus.
IGN.
English, you rogue, that t’other may understand you.
DUL. He was
a long slender leane raw boned man with a little black beard.
TOR. Black?
DUL. Yes
black, with a paire of whiskers. 2520
TOR. Oh me.
DUL. And he
was with him too that had the crooked neck.
IGN. What
was he calld?
DUL. Mendoza.
IGN. Have
you such a servant? Why don’t you speak? Have you any such? 2525
TOR. Noe,
noe. Trico, that vaillane Trico has put trickes upon mee.
IGN. Then
you shall forfeit your bond of a thousand crownes.
Why don’t you laugh now? Oun’t you answere me? What, say you not a
word? Will you be press’d to death?
TOR. Greife
tyes my toung. 2530
IGN. Have a quare
impedit for her. Give me my crownes, give me, give.
TOR. O
señor mio mucho honorifico, beso las manos
IGN. Doe you
think to pay me with a beso las manos? Come, pay mee
with good and lawfull mony.
TOR. O
hidalgo de solar conocido, te ruego per aquestas armas 2535
de tres dagas.
IGN. Parlez
Chrestien, or I’le enter an action to recover this debt,
alledging your standing as a foreign person.
TOR. What
will become of me? Now I shall suffer another shipwrack.
IGN. I told
you before I’de make you howle like an owle. Ile teach you — 2540
TOR. Misericordia,
mio principali cabaliero.
IGN. Non,
principall villaine, non, principall coquin.
TOR. Truly, señor,
I ought not to pay the mony.
IGN. Do you want me to make a writt of distrainte? Ile
recover the
crownes by the law, as sure as your coats on your backe. 2545
TOR. But, senor,
because this base fellow has cosin’d us both,
lett’s ioyne together and make him answeare it.
IGN. You may
if you will, for it is you he has cosin’d, not me. Hee
must rise betimes that deceives mee.
TOR. It
vexes me most of all that he should cosin me, a Portugall. 2550
Ah impious wretch! Señor illustrissimo, I beseech you forgive
me.
IGN. Non
point, Torcol, non point. Vous avez forfeit l’obligation,
a cleere case.
TOR. Señor,
did you not send a servant to me calld Pecus?
IGN. ’Tis
true indeed, where is hee? 2555
TOR. Pray
pardon me, for I have sent him to prison, for I suspected
him to be some sycophant of Trico’s.
IGN. Heida,
is he in prison too? Another action for false imprisonment,
if I dont firke your wry neck —
TOR. But, señor,
if you please we will goe both to Antonius. Perchance 2560
we may heare of Rosabella there. Wee’le first see if we can fish out any
thing by faire meanes. If not, we will ioyne our forces in law, in law,
senor.
IGN. By law?
Don’t you trouble your selfe with law, Ile have him and
you too in law e’re I have done with you.
TOR.
However, señor, he pleased to accept of this ring, and give
me 2565
leave to take your servant Pecus from prison to my owne house.
IGN. But Ile
have you in his roome. Dulman, goe you with him and see
him released. But take my advice with you.
THEODORUS, ROSABELLA, IGNORAMUS, TORCOL, ANTONIUS, DULMAN
THE. Come daughter, now you have rested your selfe
within it will
refresh you to sitt in the open ayre a while. come sitt, I pray. 2570
ROS. I
thanke you, sir.
IGN. Take
you noe care, but doe as I tell you. [Exit Dulman.]
TOR. Come, señor,
now lett’s goe knock. Tic toc.
THE. Who
knocks at gate there?
ROS. Oh my
uncle and Ignoramus are come, what shall I doe? 2575
THE. What
would you have?
IGN. I know
not, what would you have?
THE. Who are
you?
ROS. Señor,
it is an English lawyer, señor mio excellentisisimo, señor
de titulo, señor — 2580
THE. What,
are you madd?
IGN. Madd?
Beare witness, an action of defamation.
THE. What is
it you babble?
IGN. Babble?
TOR. Peace,
I pray. 2585
THE. They
say there is an English man troubled with spirrits, truly I think
this is hee.
TOR. Señor,
I hear your sonne Antonius has brought my kinswoman
Rosabella into your house to day.
THE. Here’s
noe such thing. 2590
ROS. O that
I were dead now.
IGN. If you
make a concealment Ile —
TOR. Have
patience.
IGN.
Patience? What have I to doe with patients, I am noe physitian.
TOR. Señor,
is your sonne Antonius within, pray? 2595
THE. Noe, he
is gone to London to day, but here is his brother Antoninus
newly come with his wife Catherina.
TOR. There’s
some knavery in this. Pray give us leave to see that
Catherina.
ROS. Now I
am undone. 2600
THE. You see
her? Marry you are pretty fellows indeed!
IGN. Ile
have venire facias and to her perrill be it if shee don’t.
THE. Doe you
know these men?
ROS. Who,
I? Indeede, sir, I know them not.
TOR. Por
mi sancti — Queda, this is my cosin Rosabella. 2605
IGN. Bless
me, this is my covert baron, my Rosabella.
THE. What iuggling is here?
ROS. If
I come now from London, sir, how should I know them?
TOR. And now
she speaks English. I understand a litle, being once a
marchant at London. Are not you my kinswoman Rosabella? 2610
ROS. Doe
I look like one of your kindred?
IGN. Nay,
I can speake English too. What, mine owne country-woman,
little pigsnie, my little peperegge, thou knowest me, I am sure.
THE. Ile
know the meaning of this. Antoninus.
TOR. What,
don’t you know your uncle Torcol now? 2615
ROS. The
man in the moone as well.
IGN. I
will give thee a good round ioyncture i’faith.
ROS. I
pray, sir, be wise if you can.
IGN. Wise?
O me! I am wise and foolish for thee, deere Rosabella.
Pittie, some pittie to a bursting heart, be not so faire and cruell. 2620
THE.
Antoninus, come forth here that I may larne what these folk want.
IGN. I
see though I be blind,
I
freeze though burne in love,
I
live not but I die,
I
live to love, and love to live, 2625
And
live not but in loveing;
nay I can speake songs, sonets.
ANT. See,
this is the possessed man you heard of.
IGN. What
e’re he be, he is not come for nothing.
TOR. As I
live and breath, this is the man that had Rosabella. 2630
ANT. O
perjur’de.
THE. Can
there be fraud in this?
IGN. Shine
on me, bright sunne, the sunne is no sunne, thou art
the sunne, the moone, and the starres, and sweeter farre then is a
civet catt. 2635
THE. Pray
come hither, lett me speake with you a little.
IGN. Bound
I am in frank-pledge to thee, and yet am in free
soccage.
Yee goodly tressed nymphs, and simpering Sirens, o purple and the
white, the roses, lillies and double violets, spring of enameled
flowers,
and diapered meades, greene shady groves, and chirping birds, the 2640
warbling streames, and whistling winds, and dainty Rosabella — I have
said my say. Ha, sweete Rose, one habeas corpus.
ANT. Hold
off, coxcombe, or I’le sett you farther.
IGN. Are you
there too? Faith I am provided for you now. He would
have gelded me to day. 2645
ROS. What
will become of me I know not.
ANT. If the
exorcists come not quickly we shall be discover’d.
THEODORUS, ANTONIUS, TORCOL, IGNORAMUS, TRICO, CUPES, COLA, POLLA, ROSABELLA
COL. O brother Cupes, how reverendly thou lookst in a
hood! Ha he.
TRI. Pray
make hast.
CUP. After
we have done our exorcisme wee’l supp together elegantly. 2650
TRI. What,
dost talk of supper, when we are even on the point of undoing?
CUP. Lett’s
goe, then.
TRI. They
say the possest Ignoramus lives in these parts.
CUP.
Goodwife, fetch him to us.
POL. Ile do
so, may it turne out well. 2655
TRI. Make
hast and Ile goe see what Pyropus does.
TOR. As I am
an honest man, I tell you true.
CUP. Though
’twere strange to beleeve it, yet Ile consider on’t a while.
POL. Come
hither, holy men, here is the wicked wretch.
IGN. What,
art thou come agin? I profess Ile have thee in coram nobis. 2660
POL. Good
brothers, this is the man that is posess’d and here’s another
as bad as hee.
TOR. What
would these men have?
IGN. Torcol,
if there be a witch upon the face of the earth this is one!
I am in a quandary whether I were best stay or noe. 2665
TOR. Stay.
CUP. What’s
this? What are you going to doe, brothers?
COL. A work
of charity that good people have desired us.
CUP. This is
a posessd man, take heed of him.
CUP. Ile be
gone, then. Truly I suspected him afore. 2670
ANT. Loe
you, sir, I told you so.
CUP. In good
faith this Torcol had almost deluded mee.
TOR. What
plott is this? What doe you doe, brothers?
COL. Hold
you your peace.
CUP. Or weel
have you punishd for disturbing a holy worke. 2675
COL. First
we will try with a little holy water.
IGN. In the
name of the devill why doe you throw water in my face?
POL. Hark,
hark how he calls upon the devill.
CUP. Now you
may see this is the Lydius lapis, the true touch-stone.
The devill’s affraid of holy water. 2680
CUP.
Brothers, pray doe your best, for this man is strangely afflicted.
COL. How
long have you been vext thus?
IGN. What’s
that to you? I am tormented all this day by one or other of you.
CUP. You see
he confesses.
CUP. In what
shape did he come when he vext you? 2685
IGN. Sometimes like him there with a crooked neck,
sometimes in the
shape of Dulman, sometimes like that witch there, sometimes that
sowgelder, and sometimes in the shape of Rose. In many wayes.
CUP. I see
there by many of them.
CUP. Alas
poore man, how he is tormented! 2690
COL.
Doe they never goe away from you?
IGN. Yes,
yes, Dulman run away from me to day, but now I have him agin.
ANT. Keepe
off! Tis the very same I saw at London.
THE. Stand
your distance!
CUP. Are you
tormented too? 2695
TOR. Yes, by
you. Pray what doe you doe? Will you make us a play or
a laughing stock? For what a devill doe you cast water in my face?
COL. Cupes,
’tis even soe, for he can’t abide holy water neither.
CUP. This is
how it stands: the spirritts seek this woman, take heed there.
ROS. Alas,
alas! For Gods sake lets bee gone. 2700
CUP. One may
see by his grim lookes that he is tormented too.
ROS. I
am afraid of them. Good sir, let’s be gone.
CUP.
Brothers, I see you are performing holy rites, but pray goe further
from my house. I would not willingly have any devills or mad men soe
neere
us. Pray give mee a little of your holy water. 2705
ANT. And
me.
ROS. And
me, sir, I pray you.
CUP. Come,
come way from them.
TOR. What,
are you going away, Rosabella? Stay, I pray, stay.
IGN. My
Rosabella, doe not forsake me. Return to me, Rosabella. 2710
TOR.
Rosabella.
IGN.
Rosabella, I say.
CUP. Hark
how they cry out.
CUP. These
spirritts are night mares; the women must take heed of them.
COL. They
seek for succubi. 2715
POL. Pooh,
they can doe you noe harme. Lett ’em come to me if they
dare, they are but incubusses. I have been us’d to them many nights.
CUP. O
daughter, lett’s goe then for fear [Exit Theodorus, Antonius,
Rosabella.]
IGN. Rosabella,
I say, are you gone? Now a pox goe with you.
TOR. What
strange humours posesse them? Goe to perdition. 2720
COL. Lay
hold of that man and bind him fast.
TOR. I were
best to goe for feare of the worst. I can’t tell what they may
doe, I know they intend no good. [Exit.]
CUP. Looke,
look, hee’s run away. Follow him, follow, follow.
COL. Is he
gone? 2725
IGN. I shall
I goe too. I thinke they are but brother knaves.
IGNORAMUS, CUPES, COLA, POLLA, EXORCIST CREW
COL. Come you that stand there with your holy palmes
And sovereigne hearbs, come bind him to the chaire.
IGN. What
doe you attach me for with ropes and cords?
CUP. Peace
and be quiett. 2430
IGN. O
Dulman, Dulman, thou saydst thou wouldst fight like a devill
for me. Where art thou now, Dulman?
COL. I
coniure thee, Dulman, be gone away. Out, accursed Dulman,
out.
IGN. He run
away from me to day, but if he would come now — Dulman. 2735
COL. How he
cryes out upon Dulman! Sure his name is Dulman.
IGN. With a
vengeance to you, ’tis Ignoramus.
CUP.
Ignoramus, I adjure you, and charge you depart.
IGN. I
adiure you, and charge you depart like knaves as you are. Here’s
riott and rowt. 2740
COL. Hark,
he has two devills more, Riott and Rowt.
CUP. Hence,
thou filthy spirritt Ignoramus. I coniure thee, Ignoramus,
thou decliner from iustice, seducer of men, sower of discord, and
breaker
of the peace, I coniure thee tell me thy masters name.
IGN. I am
the master my selfe. 2745
COL.This is
Beelzebub. Avaunt, thou master devill, I coniure thee depart
and be gone quickly.
IGN. As
soone as I can gett out of your knaves fingers.
CUP. I
charge thee tell me who was the cause of this.
IGN. O
Rosabella, it is for her I am soe tormented. 2750
CUP. Depart,
Rosabella, be gone, Rosabella.
IGN. The
devill, she is gone already.
CUP. I
coniure thee tell me, didst ever give thy soule to her.
IGN. What’s
that to you? I have givern her soule, and body, and goods.
POL. O
wicked wretch! 2755
IGN. And
beside her ioyncture, if she had marry’d me I would have
given her francum bancum after my death.
COL. I
coniure thee, Francum Bancum, hence, Francum Bancum.
IGN. Nay now
it shall not be, never feare it, but if she had loved me
I would have given her many priviledges, infangthef, outfangthef,
tac, 2760
toc, tol and tem.
COL. What a
company there are! I coniure you all depart, Ninantef,
Nonanteff, Tac, Toc, Tol and Tem. I exorcise all you wicked spirritts
about him or whersoever, either in his night cap or in his day cap, in
his double toung, or in his beard, in his foote or in his head. 2765
IGN. Oh
fooles, doe you thinke the devill holds in capite ? He
holds in frocks and hoods and bald crownes, you brother devills.
POL. Bless
me, he calls upon his brother devills.
COL. I confound you all whether in his frock, in his
iackett, or
under his fore skirts here, or in penne, waxe, seal, or horne book. 2770
IGN. To day
hee was in a horne.
COL. I
adjure you, wicked devill, depart the horne.
IGN. Devill
take you and all hornes, excepting for the horne that
calls us to dinner.
COL. I
confound you all n his desk at home in writings, papers, 2775
parchments written or not written, in words with sence or without sence.
IGN. Or in
grey friers, black friers, or crotchet friers.
CUP. I
coniure all you wicked devills Grey Friers, Black Friers,
Crochet Friers, I charge you depart all, whether in long breeches,
in round breeches, in great gutts, or in small gutts, in ioynts or in
members. 2780
COL. There’s
the spiritt I see.
IGN. I see
him in you, Ile make thee hold up thy hand at the barr. Oh
fellons, theeves, who has there hand in my pockett there, hah?
Backbarand and handhabend.
CUP. I
charge you depart and fly thence, Backbarand and Handabend. 2785
IGN. Nay, if
they once fly for it, ’tis direct felony.
CUP. Whether
you are in his little pockett, in his purse, in gold or
in silver, I charge you come forth here.
IGN. I,
that’s the devill you look for, like felonius robbers as you are.
COL. I
coniure all you filthy spirrits that posess any part or member of 2790
this creature to come forth.
IGN. This is
fine indeed if it might goe soe.
COL. Or
descend into the great toe of his left foot.
POL. Look,
there he is! Ile keep him downe by smashing him.
IGN. O oh my
cornes! O Pythonyssa, what doe you doe? A great 2795
writt from the great devill take you one and all.
CUP. He
rages, brother, give’s some salt and holy fire. I exorcise thee,
I perfume thee.
IGN. The
fire of hell consume you all. I would draw my daggers and
soe crack your bald crownes. 2800
COL. I
adjure thee come out, Daggers.
IGN. Would
that he could se defendendo!
COL.
Brother, lett’s try his obedience. Say after me what I tall you in
your eare, buz, buz, buz.
CUP. I
coniure to answeare me what I ask you, mum, mum, mum. 2805
IGN. I
understand nothing.
CUP. Mum,
mum.
IGN. What,
doe you mum, and mop, and mow like apes?
COL. Mum,
mum what think you now, are the devills gone?
IGN. I thinke there are three at least. 2810
POL. What,
three still?
IGN. Aye
three, you old hag, for I think o’ my conscience if I am
indevild, you and your two familiars here were the cause of it.
POL.
Brothers, doe you heare him?
COL. I see
he must have other exorcismes. Wee’le carry him to the 2315
monestary and our brothers shall exorcize him.
CUP. Come,
some of you, and helpe here.
IGN. In the
name of the devill, whither doe you carry me? Fowle
porridge-bellied fryars, harrol harrol, je scay “Le grand customier
de Normandy,” harroul. The Divell take you all. [Exeunt.]
2820
COL. Ile see
him at the monestary and come to you presently. In the
meane while doe you gett supper ready. [Exit.]
CUP. I will.
POL. Ha ha
he, brother, this was excellent sport.
CUP. Ha ha
he, sister, now you and Ile to the taverne, that shall be 2825
our monestary.
POL. Soe
long as you doe what Ide have you, Ile goe any where with you.
CUP. My
sweet Polla, thee and I should love each other. Thou knowst I
gave thee mony; if thou’lt be kind to me, Ile give thee and give thee,
thou
shall want for nothing. 2830
COL. Come
on, then. We’le goe where you will. [Exeunt.]
ANTONIUS, TRICO, PYROPUS, SERGEANTS
ANT. O Trico, I saw ’em iust now carrying Ignoramus
to the monestry.
How now? What, art sad?
TRI. O
master, now there’s another tempest coming.
ANT. Marry
God forbid, what is it? 2835
TRI. I saw
Pyropus iust now going to the iudges, and I heare he has gott
a couple of bloud-hounds.
ANT. Not the
sheriffs hounds, I hope.
TRI. Noe,
sargeants who’le chase you till they catch you and dragg
you to prison. And your father will know all. 2840
ANT. My
Trico, we must needs devise some way to prevent this.
PYR. Stand
close, yonder are the men that have my clothes. I am
not very certaine whether he be the master, but I am sure that’s the
man,
therefore take him howsoever.
TRI. What’s
the matter? What would you have? 2845
PYR. Nay,
now I have caught you, you shall either to prison or make
restitution of my clothes.
TRI.
Look,there’s my master himselfe. Require it of him, I am but
a servant.
ANT. What
shall I doe? I must not owne him. 2850
PYR. Now
sir, will you restore my goods or shall your man goe to prison?
ANT. Let
him goe whether he will for me, what have I to doe with
him? Shame you not to speake with so little respect to a gentleman, and
to a stranger?
TRI. Oh pray
master, leave off the English and give him his clothes agin. 2855
ANT. Who are
you? I know you not (Ile make as though I don’t know thee).
TRI. Will
you make as though you don’t know me?
ANT. Peace,
take noe notice of me.
TRI. Shall I
peace and take noe notice of you? This is pretty: I have done
what you would have me, now I must take noe more notice of you. 2860
PYR. Doe not
you know him?
ANT. I
know him? Not I (though must give me leave to deny thee).
TRI. Doe you
not know Trico? Know you not Trico, master?
ANT.
What tricks? What Trico?
TRI. Would
to God I had ne’re been Trico. Will you lett them carry 2865
me to prison now?
ANT. What
have I to doe with you? (Hold your peace, I say, and
make as though — )
TRI. Doe you
not heare how he charges me to hold my peace and
make as though — ? 2870
ANT.
What a lying knave is this! Doe I soe?
PYR. If I
take him hence, Ile shew him noe pitty but the rigour of the law.
ANT. What
is it to me, what you doe with him?
TRI. This is the common fashion of the world. Soe long
as masters have
need of their servants, they’l feed them with hope of preferment, but 2875
when they have served their owne turnes, they will reward them with a
non novi. Oh master, did I think you would have been soe
forgetfull of
my endeavours, have I this for putting your counterfeit ring upon an
honest and sincere man, truly?
PYR. Now you
are come with your “truly,” but you shaln’t defraud me 2880
any more, truly.
ANT. Well,
I will goe about my businesse, fare you well. It greives me to
leave him soe, but what remedy? [Exit.]
TRI. Ah that
dishonest man, is he gone? Brother, all the clothes that I
had of you are at the next house, and if you will give me leave I will
fetch 2885
them to you, but the rest you see my master wears.
PYR. Some of
you goe with him. [Exeunt.] In the meane while I will
decipher you for a knave. How many there be of them now a days that
ioyne their deceit with counterfeit gold, and cheat even with their good
lookes! 2890
TRI. Look
you here now, for my part Ile prove my selfe an honest man,
truly.
PYR. Yes
truly, therefore I discharge you. But tell me, is that man with
a mole in his face he that I was with in the morning?
TRI. Why doe
you thinke he is not? 2895
PYR. I
thinke he is, and if I meet with him agin he shall surely to prison.
Look where he comes, in good trueth I will have him. [Enter
Antonius.]
ANT. I
sweare it repents me I left Trico in such a case.
PYR. Take
him quickly.
ANT. What
meanes this? 2900
PYR. Now,
sir, speaking in English will serve you no further; wee’l make
you shift or goe to prison.
ANT. Trico,
I prithee worke some tricke now, that I goe not to prison.
TRI. I’faith
I doe not understand you.
ANT. Find a
shift or I’m bound for goal. 2905
TRI. Oh now,
“Trico,” when time was you did not know me nor I you.
ANT. I
prithee devise some way.
PYR. Come,
lett’s to prison with him.
TRI. Whither
you please. I know him not (Ile make as if I don’t know you).
ANT. What,
don’t you know me, Trico? 2910
TRI. Peace,
and make as though —
ANT.
Prithee, Trico, owne me now or I am undone.
TRI. Peace,
I say, and make as though —
ANT. Hoe
you, this man knowes me well enough, he is my servant.
TRI. Not I,
truly. I know him? (You must give me leave to deny you.) 2915
PYR. Now he
speaks another tongue; lets goe.
ANT. Oh
Trico, will you lett ’em dragg me to prison?
TRI. Whither they please. “When youve called a mann an
ingrate, youve
called him every thing.” I must about my busines.
PYR. Come,
come, away. 2920
ANT. If
I goe to prison, ’tis my utter undoing.
PYR. More
English?
ANT. I’le
rather die; away knaves, villaines, or I’le kill you all.
PYR. Oh me,
whither run you? Hey, come back. O unhappie me! [Exit.]
ANT. I’ave
made ’em fly for’t; but what shall I doe now? 2925
Trueth the
daughter of Time will bring’t to light
And then
’twill come unto my father’s eare
(Whom I am
asham’d I have soe much deluded).
Yet since it
is for love Ile not repent,
For say he
know it, as I know hee will, 2930
He can but
use me hardly for a time,
A fathers
anger can’t continue long.
What ever
comes on’t, Rosabella’s mine,
And mine she
shall be now, come life, come death,
And shee
being well, all thinges are well with me. 2935
Ile hasten
to a speciall friend I know,
And advise
with him what I were best to doe.