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TRICO, DULMAN, CUPES within
TRI. I have taught
my scholler Antonius his lesson perfectly, and the 1275
painter has layd the mole upon his cheek most artificially.
DUL. I can see
noe body, but (by the Mass) I come in great feare, for here
in Burdeux they say are certain fellows calld mad-caps.
TRI. What bird
is that?
DUL. My master
Ignoramus swore to me they would have made him a 1280
gelding.
TRI. It is a stranger.
DUL. This is a
riott indeed! Do they not wish to take away our instruments?
TRI. He has writings
in his hand.
DUL. Therefore
my master gave me a letter of attorny to take in seisin 1285
Rosabella, one that I never sawe.
TRI. Sure it is
Ignoramus servant. Cupes, Cupes, make hast.
CUP. I am ready.
TRI. Ignoramus
clerke is at hand here.
CUP. Peace then,
st. 1290
DUL. I see one
yonder. I will ask him if he knowes the lands and tenements
of the party that I am sent to. My master told me he was a Portugall and had
a
crooked neck, for my part I know him by nothing else. Hoe, honest man, you.
TRI. What wish
you, my friend?
DUL. He is of good
behaviour; I am seeking one, I know not his name, doe 1295
you know him, pray?
TRI. Blockhead,
should he live here abouts? What kind of face?
DUL. He is a Portugall.
TRI. He has a crooked
neck, has he not?
DUL. Soe they say.
1300
TRI. A hundred
to one but you seeke my master.
DUL. It may be
soe.
TRI. Doe you remember
the first letter of his name?
DUL. I think I
doe.
TRI.
Does it begin with a B?
1305
DUL. With a B — ?
Noe.
TRI. With a G?
DUL. G — ?
Noe.
TRI. R?
DUL. R — ?
Noe. 1310
TRI. T?
DUL. Hah, stay — Aye,
T, T.
TRI. Torcol.
DUL. Torcol, Torcol,
a plague take him, I have his name in black and
white; are you his servant? 1315
TRI. Si, señor.
DUL. In good time;
what’s your name?
TRI. What shall
I say now? Mendoza.
DUL. Mendoza, in
good time.
TRI. Pray what
shall I call your name. 1350
DUL. I am Dulman,
Ignoramus head clerke.
TRI. Dulman, Ignoramus
head clerke, in good time. Have you brought the
mony, Dulman?
DUL. Here are six
hundred crownes and the indenture, Mendoza.
TRI. In good time.
Doe you know whose writing this is? 1325
DUL.Lett me see,
this is my masters fist.
TRI. It is indeed,
he writt these verses upon our Rosabella.
DUL. Pimpillos,
pursos, ad ludos ibis et ursos, excellent, excellent.
You say true, they are his indeed. Oh that I were able to make such! But,
Mendoza, pray call your master hither, to give and deliver me Rosabella. 1330
TRI. Ile call
him to you. [Exit Trico.]
DUL. This is an
honest lad, I warrant. Would to God Rosabella would come
once, for this is the forrest, and by declaracon the very place where
my master was scared. I am soe afraid of the hornegelt tax.
CUPES, DULMAN, TRICO
CUP. Los diablos
te gannan picaro, thou would be hanged for this, thou 1335
rogue thou.
DUL. I know this
is the Portugall by his crooked neck, but I am sorry he is
angry with his man.
CUP. Why didst
not bring him in to my house, since he came from soe
worthy a gentleman, one that I soe much honor? God save you, thou slave 1340
thou, at least thou shouldst have made him tast a cup of wine after the English
fashion.
DUL. I thanke you,
sir.
TRI. But it is
not the fashion here with us.
CUP. Truhan
villano, dost thou mutter? Where’s Diego? Where’s Alonzo?
1345
Where’s Pedro? Where’s Guzman?
TRI. I know not,
master.
CUP. Thou knowst
not. Hideputa, Ile —
DUL. Master Torcol.
pray dont chafe soe for me, for truly he is a very honest
servant. 1350
CUP. ’Tis
true, but, señor, you have brought, señor—
DUL. Ouy, ouy,
my master has sent you six hundred crownes here.
CUP. Tis soe indeed.
Hoe villaine, to whom do I speak? Mendoza.
TRI. Master.
CUP. Counte the
mony. 1355
DUL. Here is your
indenture too, see your owne hand and seale.
CUP. Rodrigo
Torcol, ’tis right.
DUL. Now you must
deliver Rosabella to me for my masters usage.
CUP. Stay a little.
First you must shew me what private signe was agreed on
between your master and I. 1360
DUL. You say well
indeed, least there might be a writt of errour; he
enioyn’d me to pluck you by the nose.
CUP. By the nose, señor?
DUL. Let the nose
come in to court and make its nasal homage, come,
ha he, my masters such a merry man, come I say. Ha ha he, here it is; i’faith 1365
I have it, ha ha he.
CUP. Soe soe, its
well, I could tell this was the signe before, but only I
would try whether you knew it or noe.
DUL. Why you see
I had it at my fingers ends.
TRI. I have counted
the mony right, but pray looke uppon this peece. 1370
DUL. It is sound
money, I took it on my masters word.
CUP. Come come,
give me it; put up the rest. What may I call your name,
friend?
DUL. I am Dulman
at your service, sir.
CUP.
Here take his (and be Dulman stil), take it I say, goe to. Fetch hither
1375
Rosabella, and bring us a cupp of delicate wine and sugar, doe you heare me?
TRI. Master.
CUP. Remember sugar,
villane, after the English fahion, senor.
DUL. Truly there’s
no need on’t; it was the last thing I did.
CUP. What now?
What, my friend Dulman? But thou shalt drink sugar, 1380
Dulman.
DUL. Indeed this
is a very courteous man.
CUP. Prithee intreat
thy master from me to use Rosabella kindly. I bred
her up for my owne daughter, and it greeves me very heart when I think
of her going from mee, but I know hee’le take much pleasure in her, she
is 1385
so pretty.
DUL.You may be
sure of that, she shall have the curtesy of England. I
know heele put her in a faire ioynture, for I writt it. But pray (while I think
on’t) deliver me the counterpane of my master’s indenture.
CUP. I vow I forgott
it in my studdy, but Ile bring it anon. 1390
DUL. Give me an
acquittance then.
CUP. Hole villane
rascall, sack and sugar here, where are you?
DUL. Pray make
hast after me and bring it with you.
CUP. I will. [Exit
Dulman.]
POLLA, TRICO, CUPES, DULMAN
TRI. Doe you undertand
me, Polla? 1395
POL. Can’t
you hold your peace?
TRI. And be sure
dont forgett to weepe.
POL. ’Slife
if thou angrest me, Ile —
TRI. Peace then,
I have done. [Enter Dulman.]
CUP. See, here
he comes. 1400
DUL. Come deliver
her to me.
CUP. Rosabella
my dear kinswoman, my daughter rather, I deliver thee
now to this man who will bring thee to thy husband. Art thou going from
me now, my little heart? Oh how it cutts me! Do not weep, I prithee doe not.
POL. Oh my deare
uncle, my father rather; although I marry him where 1405
I shall be well, yet to leave you —
CUP. She makes
me shed teares.
TRI. “Who
can forbeare teares,” Dulman?
DUL. Not I, truly.
TRI. Nor I indeed,
Dulman. You have gotten as sweet a condition’d 1410
mistress as ever man had.
DUL. Truly she
seems to be a very loveing tender peece for all she has a
maske on.
TRI. It is the
fashion in this country for maids when the goe abroad to be
masqu’d. 1415
DUL. I like
the fashion.
CUP. Me thinkes
we should reioyce rather then greeve, seeing she shall
be soe well marryed.
DUL. You say true,
by the Masse.
CUP. Come letts
be merry. 1420
DUL. With all my
heart.
CUP. Lett’s
laugh.
DUL. An’t
please you.
CUP. Lett’s
drinck.
DUL. An’t
please you. 1425
CUP. Sack.
DUL. An’t
please you.
CUP. With sugar,
senor Dulman.
DUL. An’t
please you, I am ready for all.
CUP. Well said,
give me the cup, good health to you, senor Dulman. 1430
DUL. I thanke you,
sir.
CUP. Some sugar
here, give’s more sugar after the English fashion. Senor,
more sugar that my sweet senor Dulman may drinck it sweetly. Villane,
rascall, more sugar here.
DUL. Soe, soe,
tis well, o sweet condition’d folkes; ile drink to you; 1435
towards you my master is likewise disposed.
CUP. God a’
mercy; thou sipst like a maid, drink deeper. Villane, give’s
more sugar here.
DUL. Sure, sir,
I have done very well, and now Ile take my congee.
CUP.
Farewell, senor Dulman, farewell my deare kinswoman, may’st thou
1440
be fuitfull.
POL. Farewell,
farewell.
DUL. Adieu,
master Mendoza.
TRI. Stay, señor,
take one cup of wine for my sake. put it up I say.
DUL. I thanke you,
sir; Ile drink your health in England for this. 1445
TRI. Now God speed
you well.
DUL. Fare well, oh how
courteous they are!
CUPES, TRICO
CUP. Farewell,
blockhead.
TRI. Farewell, Sugar, sugar.
CUP. He little
thinkes what cupp he drank; amongst the English, gluttony
1450
overthrows all good martiall designes.
TRI. More sugar,
more sugar (my villane, my rascall). How sweet it is!
Let me kiss thee, my knave. [He kisses him.]
CUP. Soe it is
enough, Trico, letts leave our iesting. Ile goe now and
put on some other clothes and feigne my selfe Dulman. 1455
TRI. Sugar, Dulman.
Dost know the signe?
CUP. If I do not
wringe him by the nose —
TRI. Well then,
carry the mony and the writings with you.
CUP. The indenture,
Trico. I remember many law termes since I was an
under butler at the Inns of Court, lett me alone for bumbaste. 1460
TRI. And I am sure
that pandor Torcol does not know Dulman.
CUP. Much less
me.
TRI. But how if
thou art caught with a lye?
CUP. Phooh, one
shall helpe out with another. I lave learn’d soe many in
the Iesuits bookes that Ile give place to none but Beelzebub Cydonius. 1465
TRI. My Proteus,
me thinkes wee linger too much. I will goe presently and
speak with Torcol. Ile make as if I cam of some busines to him that concernes
him much, and soe order it as I shall see occasion; and doe you in the
mean while [They whisper.]
CUP. Ile observe
the scaene. 1470
TRI. Soe we shall
both the easier deceive him.
CUP. Now Ill goe
dress mee.
TRI. And Ile to
Torcol. I feare he is not at home. Tic toc. [He knocks
without.]
TORCOL, TRICO
TOR. I am as bad
as a witch; my mind gave me that thou werest here. 1475
TRI. Oh señor,
I am now come merely out of desperat love of Surda.
TOR. Soe you love
Surda? Away, away, Ile watch thee now, Trico.
TRI. But harke
you, senor, I have a business to you of great im-
portance concerning your self, señor.
TOR. Señor,
thou canst not deceive me, señor. 1480
TRI. Doe you thinke
I would deceive you?
TOR. Thou gavest
me a forecast to day.
TRI. That was but
in iest.
TOR. But Ile look
too’t in earnest. Away, senor, be gone.
TRI. May I beseech
you heare me, Ile have done in three words. 1485
TOR. Ile give you
noe hearing, particularly about Rosabella.
TRI. What harme
have I ever done you?
TOR. What good
didst ever doe me? When I see thee I see my owne harme.
TRI. I hope you
will beleev’t anon, señor.
TOR. Noe indeed,
señor. 1490
TRI. But you will
upon some conditions of profit that I bring.
TOR. Conditions,
what is it, gold or silver?
TRI. It’s
ready coin’d.
TOR. Tut, farewell.
TRI. Pray stay,
heare me one word: when Antonius knew his Rosabella 1495
was promised to Ignoramus he was almost beside himselfe, and having tryed
his creditt in all places for mony, att length (by much intreaty) a certaine
friend
lent him a cabonett of gold and iewells.
TOR. Phooh, these
are but fables.
TRI. Tis very true,
señor, and that cabonett he meanes to leave in pawne 1500
with you.
TOR. Trico, thou
thinkst I know not for what thou comest?
TRI. I
warrant you thinke I come to cheat you.
TOR. Oh Trico,
thou that hast gold and iewells, hast thou noe mony?
I remember a good saying, “as much coine as a man hath in his coffer,
just
1505
soe great is he creditt.”
TRI. But would
you have me deceive you?
TOR. Si senor,
if thou canst tell how.
TRI. Or else sixe
or seven sufficient men shall be bound for mee?
TOR. I like noe
law suites; thy tricks are in vain, Trico. For know that
1510
Rosabella is already marryed to Ignoramus.
TRI.
Oh monster of men — beast — devil —
TOR. Now it workes.
TRI . — take
him for an unworthy brute, the very scome of all vice.
TOR. This is to
noe purpose, pray be gone. 1515
TRI. What have
you to doe?
TOR. Pray be gone
I say.
TRI. You, señor,
Ile —
TOR. Thou wer’st
as good say nothing.
TRI. Um — for
a crump-shouldred dog. 1520
TOR. Curse on.
TRI. If I havn’t
somebody Ile —
TOR Threaten on.
TRI. M. be.
CUPES, TRICO, TORCOL
CUP. Thou art
very fitly dressed, my Dulman, dresst in blacke thou lookest 1525
iust like a lawyers clerke. I will carry a pen in my eare too as though I had
forgott
my selfe. Lett’s goe now, my little Dulman.
TRI. May I not
speak with Surda, señor?
TOR. Señor,
I am deafe with that eare, but what man is that?
1530
TRI. Some stranger
by his face.
TOR. From whence
he came, or what he is I know not.
TRI. Whosoe’re
he be what need you care? Senor, I pray heare me.
CUP. I see a good
travelling observation, Ile put it downe in my notary.
TOR. He seemes
to be some foole by his gaping about and carrying his 1535
pen in his eare.
CUP But where shall
I find him now? Would to God I had an inventory.
TOR. By his habitt
and his speech he should be Ignoramus clerke, and I
thinke he has a writing in his hand.
TRI. Now I know
who he is. 1540
TOR. Who?
TRI. He is an English
man, a friend of a friend of mine. Ile goe to him.
TOR. Now Trico
smells something, Ile stay here.
CUP. My master
told me the party had lands and tenements hereabouts.
TOR. This is the
only man I wished for. 1545
TRI. It is Ignoramus
servant, what shall I doe?
TOR. He is a crafty
fox, he scents him already.
TRI. I am quite
undone.
TOR. See how pale
hee lookes.
TRI. Hoe, hoe you.
1550
TOR. Look there.
TRI. Hoe, hoe you.
TOR. I, well done;
hoe you.
TRI. Hoe, hoe I
say.
TOR. Hoe I say,
to me. 1555
TRI. Whom seek
you, me? What would you have? I.
TOR. Hoe, hoe.
Come to me, Ile tell you any thing.
CUP. Which of you
can informe me of a certain Portugall hereabouts?
TOR. A Portugall,
say you?
TRI.
I tell you true, here’s noe such man. The Portugall lives a great way
1560
from hence.
TOR. Hoe, stay
a little, this fellow’s a very knave.
CUP. Why doe you
mock me soe? Qui mockat mockabitur.
TOR. Trico, thou
canst not deceive me, Trico; thou seest this is
Ignoramus servant, and thou wouldst faine draw him away, wouldst thou? 1565
TRI. I
am undone.
TOR. He is nettled;
I am glad with all my heart it was my luck to be here.
CUP. Nay, if you
are flouters, Ile goe my way.
TOR. Hoe, pray
come hither, whom seeke you?
TRI. What’s
that to you? Gett you gone, Ile dispatch him presently. 1570
CUP. I seeke a
Portugall merchant.
TOR. Oh hee seekes
me, I thought soe.
TRI. My honest
friend.
TOR. Oh hypocritt.
TRI. Come follow
me, Ile bring you to his house. 1575
TOR. Ha he, Ile
give them leave a little.
TRI. Follow me,
I say, and I will give you sack and sugar by the way.
You shall have sugar too.
CUP. What sugar?
TRI. Ha he, sack
and sugar. 1580
CUP. I see by his
physiognomy he is a knave in graine.
TOR. I, I warrant
him.
TRI. He thinkes
I should know this man a peascods on’t, is’t you? How
doe you doe? I’faith I did not know you.
TOR. How daintyly
he carryes it. 1585
CUP. Why doe you
know me. Do you think I am a noverint universi?
TRI. Did you never
know me in England? Marke me well.
CUP. I marke thee
for a knave, but I seeke for one with a crooked neck,
such a one as you are.
TRI. He seekes
for such a one as you are, but not you; it is a freind of 1590
mine with a crooked neck, such a one as you are.
TOR. Very likely,
ha ha he.
TRI. You think
this man to be Ignoramus servant, but he is not.
TOR. Noe, noe,
ha he.
CUP. Who sayes
soe? I am sure I am come from my master Ignoramus with 1595
an indenture and six hundred crownes; how now? What doe you doe behind
me there? Why doe you tread on my heele? Why doe you iogg me, and nod and
winck at me soe?
TOR. Ha ha he,
ho ho.
TRI. Doe I touch
thee? Or nod or winck at thee, thou asse thou? 1600
CUP. I am too crafty
an asse for you, Ile talk with you another time.
TOR. Ha, he, now
Trico fretts and fumes.
TRI.
Are you Ignoramus servant? I know you are not. St, letts goe drinck
a pint.
CUP. With a mischeife
to thee, what wouldst have with mee? What doest 1605
you winck and squint and make signes for?
TRI. Who, doe I?
TOR. Yes, I perceive
what a devilish quarter dost keep with thy eyes, and
thy hands and thy feet, Trico. Doest thou noe thing?
CUP. I know you
are the man that I should speake with by your neck and 1610
your face.
TOR. Doe you remember
his name that you seeke?
CUP. It is — It
is —
TOR. Why don’t
you speake?
CUP. It is — stay
a little. 1615
TOR. Sure this
is not the man, he knows not my name.
CUP. But I have
it in my indenture.
TRI. Numbskull!
How easily might this man have been cosined now,
if I had not been here by chance.
CUP. Now I see
it is Rodrigo Torcol. 1620
TOR. Right.
CUP. Are you the
man?
TOR. I am hee.
TRI. He has swallow’d
the hook.
TOR. What is thy
name? 1625
CUP. I am Dulman
at your service. I have brought a message from my
master Ignoramus.
TOR. Where is the
mony, and the writtings, Dulman?
CUP. Here is the
indenture, see your owne hand and seale.
TOR. This indenture
made the ninth day of Aprile, betweene Ambidexter 1630
Ignoramus of the one parte, and Rodrigo Torcol of the other parte, hum hum,
seald and deliverd, hum hum, Rodrigo Torcol, ’tis right.
TRI. Oh this cutts
me.
TOR. Now Trico
is madd; but what private signe can you give me, Ile not
have my mouth slabber’d. 1635
CUP. Ile not meddle
with your mouth but your nose, Let the nose come in to
court and make its nasal homage. [He take him by the nose.]
TOR. Oh softly,
oh softly I say, oh, oh, oh
CUP. But this is
the signe?
TOR. Oh this was
the signe, but have mercy. 1640
CUP. You thought
I knew it not.
TOR. This is the
sign, but you are somewhat ungentle.
CUP. That was to
jogg your memory.
TRI. Ah foole,
don’t you see what sport he makes with you, and leads you
about by the nose like a beare? 1645
TOR.
Who has not a nose is ledd about by the nose. “It is not given to every
man to have a nose.” But I have one, Trico.
TRI. You have soe,
and I see youle be cosined in spight of it.
TOR. I cosin’d,
wherefore? I am not soe easily cosin’d.
TRI. You remember
what I told you to day? 1650
TOR. That thou
wouldst deceive me, thou wouldst.
TRI. Yes truly.
TOR. Truly? Ha
ha he.
TRI. Now I deceive
you.
TOR. Yes truly.
1655
TRI. Indeed this
man is none of Ignoramus servant.
TOR. Noe, noe,
I know he is not.
TRI. He is a mere
sycophant.
TOR. I, I, he is
soe.
TRI. I hired him
and dressd him on purpose to defraud you. 1660
TOR. Yes truly.
TRI. Afore Jove,
I tell you true.
TOR. Why not?
TRI. And if you
look not well about you hee’l gett away Rosabella from you.
TOR. Ha he. 1665
TRI. Tis strange
you’le not beleeve a man when he sweares, as I live
and breath.
TOR. Peace, ne’re
damb thy selfe, Ile beleeve thee.
CUP. This is a
good note; I will put it downe.
TRI. O’ my
faith now, iust now I deceive you. 1670
TOR. Dost deceive
me iust now on thy faith? Ile ne’ere trust it then, for
here is soe much gold, here’s his own hand and seale, and he shew’d
me the
signe that wee agreed on; what, am I deceiv’d, Trico? Now am I deceiv’d.
TRI. Yet make
sure ’tis not gold of the Tholossian kind.
CUP. Assuredly
it is good gold, all in rose nobles.
1675
TOR. I am deceiv’d,
now I am deceiv’d.
TRI. And I worked
the deceiption
CUP. Doe you meane
to babble with him all day? Come and deliver
Rosabella to me for my masters use.
TOR. Thou shall
have her. 1680
CUP. Pray quickly,
for I have much business at home, to ingross
agreements, quimbibles, indentures, pillicocks, calimancas.
TOR. But prithee
tell me what note thou tookest in thy manuscript even now?
CUP. Oh ho, ’twas
a travellours observation I noted, that the fift of May
I saw a Portugall with a crooked neck in such a habitt and how that 1685
notorious knave would have cheated you. I have it in print.
TOR. Note it well.
CUP. Now you must
give me the counterpane of my master’s indenture too.
TOR.
Thou shalt have all when I have counted the mony. Come, lett’s goe in.
TRI. Are you going
now? You seed of iniquity, you halter-neckd hound. 1690
TOR. But I am
deceiv’d,
Trico, now I am deceiv’d.
TRI. But remember
you mett with Trico, señor.
TOR. I will, senor,
and if you will comand me any service. I am going
to Surda, senor. [Exit.]
TRI. “M. be,”
— dor, “M. be — ” ha he. “The more circumspect
a man, the
1695
more he is caught,” ha he. Now Ile goe hence and watch for Ignoramus least
he
should come before Cupes be gone out with Rosabella. Afterward I will to
Antonius. Me thinkes his mole is done passing well; Ile hammer out deceit upon
deceit. [Exit.]
CUPES, ROSABELLA
CUP.
Here’s
the counterpane for my master Ignoramus, ha he, he; his 1700
chopps were finely besmeer’d.
ROS. But pray tell
me seriously, will you bring me to Antonius now?
CUP. Faire mistress,
if I please I will bring you to him.
ROS. Although
I’ave
had ill fortune hitherto
Yet whoso’ere
you are, I’de have you know 1705
That I’m
discended of a noble stock
And as poore as
I am (without disparagment)
I’m endowd
with an honest, sober mind.|
CUP. What, come
from a bawdy house and crack of honesty?
ROS. Pray sir you
are too rash; 1710
Can the
sun beames on corruption be poluted
Or a chast mind
among the filthy defil’d?
CUP. But women
are like cristall glasses, keep them with the greatest
care one can, shutt them up, keep ’em close, lock ’em fast, all
oun’t doe; they
are brickle ware, and will be crackt at one time or other. 1715
ROS. My
father was a noble Portugall;
He bred me up at
Fessa; and my uncle,
(Though otherwise
of an evill disposition)
He used me civilly,
I must confesse.
CUP. But Ile not
bring you to Antonius now. 1720
ROS. Will
you not? Then let me goe noe farther.
Behold your mark,
and strik it deep enough.
CUP. I rather carry
you back to Torcol.
ROS. Oh I beseech
you doe not.
I’ave been
his prisoner too long already 1725
But if you have
the least good nature in you
Take pitty on me,
quitt me of my life.
CUP. Come, come,
have a good heart, What e’re I say, Ile bring you to
Antonius
ROS. Oh doe not
delude me. 1730
CUP. As God helpe
me, I don’t; you shall see he’le come hither to you
anon.
ROS. Oh hope that
canot be hoped for!
CUP. But pray
lett’s
goe in least we are discover’d, goe in then.
ROS. Good sir,
I beseach you deale truly with me. 1735
CUP. As I live
I will; pray be patient awhile and Ile go to him and tell him
wher you are. I must lock you in but Ile returne agin presently. Now it is
time to provide for my belly. This day I meane to be merry with wine and
good chere, but first Ile change my clothes in the next roome.
PECUS, IGNORAMUS, POLLA
PEC. Master, I
have been all the towne over and canot find Dulman. 1740
IGN. Hah? Not find
him? Make hugh and cry after him.
PEC.I thinke he
is fled.
IGN. Goe Pecus,
make an attachment.
PEC. Ile make one,
sir, in facto.
IGN. Oh what a
misprision, what a disparagement is this! In the devills 1745
name who art thou?
POL. I am Rosabella,
señor.
IGN. Thou Rosabella,
thou art a Rose o’ th’ Devill, doubtless ribald,
that lives by tap-lash or tippling in brothell houses.
POL. I am Rosabella,
alias Bella-Rosa, señor. 1750
IGN. A pretty rose
and a sweete flower! Thou hast a face like an old cow,
it agrees not with the record, I trow.
POL. Howsever I
am Rosabella, senor, my señor.
IGN. To iudge by
thy face thou art an old elfe, a hagg or a hobgoblin.
POL. You find out
such strange words as I understand you not. 1755
IGN. Dost thou
not? I tell thee plainly thou art an inchantress, a
sorceresse and malifactoresse.
POL. Bless me,
sure the man takes me for a witch, ha he.
IGN. Dost giggle?
Ile endict thee of a sorceres, That thou, spinster (I
will learne thy name), not having God before thy eyes but seduced by the
1760
instigation of the devill hast practised certaine mischivous and devilish
artes, viz., witchcraft and sorcery, in, upon, and against the person
of Ambidexter Ignoramus. Ile put thee upon thy country if I live.
POL. What sayes
my little heart?
IGN. Little heart!
Ouster le main, thou rid’st in the ayre upon broomes
1765
and staves.
POL. My little
love, why art thou soe angry with thy Rosabella?
IGN. Hah? Yet art
thou Rosabella? I am quite beside my selfe. O my
conscience, I am bewitch’d in good earnest; why dost gloat upon me soe?
I have strange whimseys in my braine, I know not what I thinke. If I can 1770
but draw some bloud from her first, I care not, Ile venture it. I dare not,
but
I will though, puttana de diavolo.
POL. Stay, till
I put of my pantofles.
IGN. Ile claw thee
for a witch as thou art.
POL. Dost threaten
me? Take heed, for I shall handle thee shrewdly. 1775
Does such a slimgutted gangrell dare to threaten mee?
IGN. How now? By
force of armes and main strength Oh gently, o
softly, oh, by the exercise of leniency let me rise.
POL. But Ile use
thee like the knave thou art.
IGN.
O, an injunction to do no harm, keep the peace, keep the peace.
1780
POL. I am Rosabella
now, hah?
IGN. Oh I, or what
you will; I am entirely mayhemed, I shall lodge an
appeal against your blows and mayhem.
POL. Gett you hence,
you devell you. ?
IGN. Oh I goe,
I goe. Oh how I am mortified and most pittifully mangled 1785
and brused in every ioynt; if I can but gett home to my lodging Ile say my
prayers and make thee repent it, thou’lt pay gultwitt, sorceress.
POL. Dost chatter
like a spirritt? As I live this man’ s posest; he speakes
magick. Ile goe home and bid my neighbours take heed of him — but the
doores
shut. I did ill that I brought not the key with me. There may be somebody 1790
within, Ile knock. Tic, toc.
POLLA, ROSABELLAat the window
ROS.
Who’s
there? What would you have?
POL. Ah, this is
fine, what a stranger! And ask the mistress of the house
who is there, what would you have? But who are you, pray? What a devill
doe you there? 1795
ROS. The master
of the house will come presently.
POL. Did not I
say as much to day? This is a bitt for my sweet-toothd
husband, is it?
ROS. Pray speake
civilly; I am no such one you take me for.
POL. This was the
reason he posted me out in such hast, that he might bring 1800
home his flirt in the meane while; is it soe indeed? Bring his whores into my
howse, lust under my nose, and shall I suffer this? Noe, Ile mark thee for a
whore of all whores.
ROS. Forbeare your
foule language, I am none of that occupation.
POL. What, in my
house? Is it not sufficient for him to consume and eat 1805
out of my meanes, but he must wench it too?
ROS. Oh miserable,
to what man am I comitted?
POL. Doe you weepe,
you baggage you? Ile make him and her and all weep
and weep agin e’re I have done. Oh that I could but breake ope the doores!
ROS. Oh me, this
woman’s mad. 1810
POL. But Ile goe
make a privy search for him through all the victualling
houses in the towne, and it may be I may light on a good cudgell by the way
that shall revenge me. Ah that my nayles were but an inch or two
longer!
CUPES, VICTUALLER, FIDLERS, POLLA
CUP. Oh feastivall
day! I have provided me the choisest meats that can be
bought for mony, which as best please the palate, and to make us the 1815
merrier I have brought my fidlers with me. But where are they? [They
enter singing.] Oh ho my priests, the sacrifices you have offred are
very
acceptable to me, your god. Oh yee woodcocks, pheasants, and partridges,
how I love and honor you! You are the noblest of all fowle birds; behold
how brave and stately they are clad. Oh how willingly doe I embrace 1820
you! Duck and geese and such comon fowle are for comon people, I care
not for them.
POL. I have found
him at last; ah what a delicate feast is hee providing
for his whores! Ile lissen to him a while.
CUP. Oh my dainty
fatt rogue, this lithe naked chick now much fairer 1825
than my wife.
POL. Sayst thou
soe?
CUP. How gladly
doe I kiss thee, thy very rump and all; oh how sweet
a kiss, farr sweeter then my wives.
POL. Dost preferr
a capon before me? Ile be reveng’d. 1830
FID. Cupes, you have a filthy foule wife.
POL. God Ile trounce
thee too.
CUP. Nay shee’s
a tormenting spirritt. Gorgon, Styx, Scylla, and Hydra are
nothing to her, shee’s a monster of all.
POL. Iudge me,
I can scarse forebeare. 1835
VICT. Cupes, pritthee
lett us sing the little song of thy wife Polla.
CUP. What, the
catch that was made in the taverne?
VICT. I, I, the
same of all love.
POL. They make
me their song too? Woe to them after I’ve vanquished ’em.
1840
VICT. Come lett’s
sing.
CUP. But if she
should know it?
VICT. What then?
CUP. ’Slife,
she would fall upon us open-mouthed like a roaring lyonesse,
like the North winde, with whome Ide rather live. 1845
POL. Thou guessest
shrewdly, for I should thunder you together.
VICT. Come prithee
begin.
CUP. Stay first,
give me leave to look about me least she should bee neere
me, for she may be on my iackett and I not see her. I amost tremble to think
on’t. 1850
POL. St. Ile hide
close here.
CUP. Here’s
noe body; play, fiddlers.
POL. I am made
your catch, am I? But if I catch you hansomely Ile make
you change your note [Cupes and the rest sing.]
ALL Cupes foule wife Polla,
1855
The devill cut
her swallow,
Swallow —
the devill — Polla.
She is a beastly
queane.
It is your wife
you meane,
You meane —
your wife’s — a queane. 1860
The mounsiers pox upon her,
The Egiptians plague
light on her,
On her —
a plague — upon her,
Whooh, ha ha.
POL. O that I
had a thunder bolt to strike ’em all downe. 1865
VICT. Excellent
i’faith; agin, prithy come,
ALL Cupes foule
wife Polla,
The devill cut
her swallow.
POL. Oh —
I must strike quickly or bite ’em of — thwick, thwack.
CUP. Oh she has
killd me. 1870
VICT. Forbeare
your hands.
CUP. Ooh —
FID. For the love
of God.
POL. Aye marry,
this is a new song.
CUP. I beseech
you, wife. 1875
FID. I’m
ruin’d. She’s broke my fidle, she’s broke my livelihood, to
my ruination!
POL. Excellent
i’faith, agin, why don’t you sing now?
CUP. O fidlers, Teares now, Teares.
POL. Alas for you,
I am filthy and foule, am I? 1880
FID. Oh not soe
much. [Exit.]
POL. Now Ile play
upon your fidles. Can I sing trow? O I am out of breath.
CUP. Bless me,
I am soe astonished I know not where I am. My hony,
what wine will you drink?
POL. My hony, I
will drink to you and invite you to a whorish supper. 1885
CUP. What now?
Doe you throw away such meat as that? Doe you cast
bounty about like an empress? If you are an honest woman, give us our
meat agin. O what ever you doe, spare the wine; how it “vomitts out its
purple soule!” Kill me, Polla, or “doe what you will with us.“ But
to powre out
the bowels of Falernus — 1890
POL. Now you may
goe call your queane to the supper she deserves.
CUP. Truly, wife,
she is noe queane of mine.
POL. Give me the
key, give me, give me, or Ile breake ope the doore.
CUP. Now she is
stark-madd, shee’l not heare a word, and I (like an ass)
forgott to tell her before hand that I would bring Rosabella to my house. 1895
POL. Ah you base
whore, gett out of my house, out of my house,
you whore you.
ROS. O whither
will you thrust mee?
POL.
To a brothell house, you whore you, that is fittest for you.
CUP. Good wife,
be quiett, I deserve not this disgrace. 1900
ROS. O whither
shall I goe now?
POL. A pox on thee
for a beastly baggage.
ROS. Oh doe not
kill mee.
POL. Hence, hence,
you comon whore.
ROS. Ahime,
what shall I doe? [Exit.] 1905
CUP. Shee is gone,
I am ruin’d: it is Rosabella, and noe mistresse of mine.
POL. Ile Rosabella
you. You curse me and wish me dead
CUP. But ’twas
not in my heart; if you knew the reason, wife, you would
not be so angry.
POL. Say you soe?
Wherfore was it? 1910
CUP. ’Tis
the mode for each man to wish his wife dead.
POL. Dost thou
defend yourself soe?
CUP. O gently,
oh good wife, oh —
POL.There’s
your first course, and as you like it you shall have the second.
CUP. I thank you,
wife, but I have noe stomack to the first. 1915
POL. I have partly
revenged my selfe now.
CUP. Partly say
you? If this be your part, God bless me from your whole.
POL. Now Ile goe
in, and look that you follow me. [Exit.]
CUP. I know her
mind. But stay a while, Ile meditate on my supper.
Woodcocks — partridges — pheasants — hum — but wine —
ahime! 1920
ANTONIUS, CUPES
ANT. Cupes told
me but even now that he had Rosabella safe in his custody,
which (if he have) “I am a made man.“ Here he is, but me thinkes
he lookes
somewhat sad, which maketh mee unhappie.
CUP. [He
speakes to the auditors.] Oh how merry are they that have my
supper now! 1925
ANT. Cupes.
CUP. Who calls?
ANT. Is there any
within, Cupes?
CUP. Noe, would
there were.
ANT. Alas, is shee
well? 1930
CUP. ’Tis
all lost, here’s nothing but ruin and miserable effusion.
ANT. How? An effusion?
CUP. Too true.
ANT. What, of bloud?
CUP. Aye, and all
the good iuyce and flesh, and bones too. 1935
ANT. Oh me, how
came this about?
CUP. By hands,
and feet, and cuffes, and blowes —
ANT. Oh my sweet
Rosabella!
CUP. Oh my sweet
wine!
ANT. I do not with
so live without thee. 1940
CUP. I cannot live
without thee.
ANT. What cruell
savage durst doe this?
CUP. Even my wife
Polla.
ANT. Ah wicked
woman, where did she doe it?
CUP. In this very
place, see where it lyes. 1945
ANT. What is that?
CUP. ’Twas
wine, but now the condition is lost.
ANT. But I speake
of Rosabella.
CUP. But I speak
of my wine.
ANT. A mischeife
take thy wine. 1950
CUP. A mischeife
take your Rosabella.
ANT. Thou foole,
where is she now?
CUP. I brought
her hither, but my wife was iealous of her and beat her out
of doores.
ANT.
O cruell beast! Could she misuse such a devine forme?
1955
CUP. What, she
that could abuse such devine wine?
ANT. Where is
that wicked one? Ile teach her —
CUP. You teach
her? Shee’l teach you. If you love yourselfe, have nought
to doe with her, for shee’s to hard for a hundred Antonyes and Cleopaters
too.
ANT. But whither
is my Rosabella gone now? 1960
CUP. I know not
whither, but this way she went.
ANT. Oh the foolishness
of me!
To comitt soe great
such a treasure to such a sott.
Ile search her
out but whither shall I goe?
Or which way shall
I take, I doe not know. [Exit.] 1965
ROSABELLA, ANTONIUS, CUPES
ROS. Fortune is
a glass that while it shines is broken;
I that but know
even touch’d the very skyes,
How soone am I
cast downe to hell (as it were).
Where I shall
find my Antonius now’s uncertaine,
But Ile find or
him or death, that’s most certaine. [Exit.] 1970
CUP. I canot
but think on my supper:
The vertue of the
wine stirrs in my braine,
The countenance
of the capon sticks in my stomack.
ANT. I will goe
through all the streets i’ th’ citty,
And enquire after
one of such a stature. 1975
I heard there went
one this way but even now.
Ile hasten after
with all the speed I can. [Exit.]
CUP. Oh how she
carryed her arme a kemboke, with her quagging breast
lying open!
ROS. O that I canot
heare of my Antonius! 1980
If once I find
him, Ile ne’re leave him more.
CUP. “O partridge,
to be remembered second to none of mine
companions!”
ROS. Yee gods,
make me soe happy as to find him out;
Lett not my chastity
goe unrewarded. 1985
I beseech you,
lett me not perrish by his absence. [Exit.]
CUP. ’This
true, I am wicked, I confess I am wicked, and therefore
am I wickedly rewarded, but what hurt did my wine doe?
ANT. Oh that I
cannot find my Rosabella!
By the power of
love, if ever I doe gett her, 1990
He shall have life
and all that has her from me.
But where are
my hopes? Swallow’d in dispaire?
Ile tread out this
laberinth of misery,
And will not rest ’till
I have found her out. [Exit.]
CUP. Although the
guests perchance deserve to perrish,
1995
Yet howsoe’re
the wine we ought to cherrish.
Ile home to bed, tho
I fear I am a dead man.
IGNORAMUS, CUPES
IGN.
I think o’ my conscience I was borne under Cancer, for all thinges
goe backward with me. O retrograde fortune!
CUP. What, are
you come agin? Ile blow him into a relapse of feare 2000
presently. [Exit.]
IGN. I will have
one mittimus pro illa sorciera alias the witch, another
mitimus for one peasant serf alias Torcol, but first Ile parly with him.
CUP. [Sounds
within.] Trin — tran —
IGN. Hark whats
that, the horne of fate? O’ my life the sowgelder. 2005
I am horribly affraid of a riott.
CUP. Trin — tran —
IGN. But Lucanus
wrote “Beeware the sinister horne.” [Exit.]
CUP. Ha he, look,
look, the beeste runs as though he were gelded
already. Your runner runns, but your fleer flies. But the best iest of all is,
2010
my wife Polla has perswaded her neighbours that this Ignoramus is posest
with a devill, and they all beleeve her. Now this will be a fine occasion for
us
to worke a further mischeife upon him. Though Rosabella has beene crost
by fortune, yet my endeavors shall attend Antonius, in what designe soever.
Now I must inside to my dragon. But lett me tell you, 2015
I would
not cutt and shuffle soe to day
But Ile get something
e’re we’ve done the play. [Exit.]