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FOOLISHNESS, BECANUS, PROFANITY, SCIOPPE, SYCOPHANCY, PACENIUS, IMPUDENCE,COQUAEUS (Each spirit arrives bearing his author on his shoulders.)

PROF. He who wants his pain to be suppressed should get himself English ale.
spacerFOOL. It has come about that, following the manner and method of Achilles, those who received their pain from England have acquired an English cure and freedom from discomfort.
spacerSYC. Here Ignatius will see how this madness can be curbed. Wine and woman — administer these things and distempers can be buried.
spacerFOOL. In our absence they fill their own tankards.
spacerSYC. While the rest in truth seek their consistory in a brothel, it grows quiet and their fury is now held in check.
spacerFOOL. But I particularly admire Impudence.
spacerIMP. Why so, Foolishness?
spacerFOOL. Just now I could scarcely carry my midget of an author, whereas you are effortlessly toting your large one.
spacerIMP. I believe the burdens of us both are equal.
spacerFOOL. How so?
spacerIMP. Although Coquaeus is a man of great bulk, he has no weightiness. I thought myself to be carrying a man who was as light as a feather.
spacerFOOL. Emptiness completely emptied him.
spacerPROF. But what need for you to carry your man, since he’s always wide-awake and in good health?
spacerIMP. He’s been quite stupefied from the time he heard the scarlet had been taken away.
spacerPROF. The scarlet is the common calamity of them all.
spacerFOOL. Particularly for Delirium. In the company of Emptiness, the poor fellow keeps wandering from village to village, seeking somebody to bring here.


SYC. But he’s safe.
spacerFOOL. How?
spacerSYC. He’s turned up here in a time with a companion.
spacerFOOL. I indeed congratulate my Delirium.
spacerDEL. This gentleman is gloomier than Bellarmine was, but by no means any less deserving. This happened to my good fortune.
spacerSUAR. I don’t like this wandering about. I’ll go back to Conimbria.
spacerDEL. We’re here now, master. This is the appointed place. (Showing him where to sit down.) You may rest here quietly until they arrive.
spacerFOOL. How did you fare, Delirium?
spacerDEL. Help me, oh my friends.
spacerFOOL. What’s your need?
spacerDEL. That you use enticing words to restrain this violent fellow, so he won’t want to depart now.
spacerIMP. What kind of man is he?
spacerDEL. This is Suarez, the principal professor at Conimbria. Among the French they recently condemned to the violence of Vulcan his huge tome against the English.
spacerSUAR. How long is this waiting going to continue?
spacerDEL. Pray why remain standing?
spacerSYC. Allow me. Ignatius gives his supreme greetings to his supreme Suarez.
spacerSUAR. So, by Hercules, let him come if he wants.
spacerSYC. He says he’s coming and dealing with your affairs.
spacerSUAR. I imagine he is walking on shoes of sponge.
spacerDEL. Certainly on wooden ones, which is why he’s slow.
spacerSYC. But master, this delayer has restored your state to you.
spacerSUAR. If such was his pleasure.
spacerDEL. By Hercules, he should after he has seen these things.
spacerSYC. What things are these?
spacerDEL. Allow me to pointthe insults you have receiveds.
spacerSYC. Please do.
spacerSUAR. I permit you, but do so briefly.
spacerDEL. (Producing from a case containing, as can be seen, the seals of those by whose authority his book was published.) This is Alfonzo of Conimbria.
spacerSUAR. An honorable lord, who loves me. What does he say?
spacerDEL. It would be long to read in its entirety.
spacerSYC. Squeeze it into a summary.
spacerDEL. That Suarez is the common teacher of us all in our generation, and a second Augustine.
spacerSYC. These aren’t his words.
spacerDEL. Here we have Ferdinand, Bishop of Algarve.
spacerSUAR. A man of incomparable intellect.
spacerDEL. He compares this work to the deadly shield of Joshua.
spacerSYC. Oh, these divine witticisms! Who’s this third one?

[ There is a lacuna where a gap is left in the ms., made large enough to accommodate approximately eight verses.]


IGN. I shall attend to that, my dear Eudaemon. Yes, my darling, sit here opposite me. And you all pay attention. Who am I really seeing? [ . . . ] my Suarez. [There is a blank space in the ms. here.] Come here, Father. (He places him next to Eudaemon.) Old age is the privilege for this bench.
spacerLUC. But I fail to see our other friends.
spacerPROF. Here they are.
spacerLUC. But what’s the meaning of this lying about?
spacerIMP. Part of them overcome by the power of disease, and the rest are soundly sleeping.
spacerLUC. But you must wake them up.
spacerSYC. It’s not allowed.
spacerIGN. No? Why not?
spacerSYC. So that their previous frenzy might not return. It is now put to rest by their slumber.
spacerIGN. So, our commander, there’s need for your help. You must see to it that they both discard their distemper and sleep temperately.
spacerLUC. I’ll apply my arts.
spacerIGN. Meanwhile we’ll conduct business with Suarez.
spacerLUC. Let it be so. You follow me inside. (Exeunt the four spirits and Lucifer.)

IGNATIUS, SUAREZ, EUDAEMON, DELIRIUM (sleeping. Suarez arises.)

IGN. Now, Suarez, if you heed me you will not value at a groat the winter which oppresses you and readies itself to make your old age even more bitter.
spacer SUAR. At a groat? By Hercules, I imagined this would be my future consolation.
spacerIGN. Ah, how sweetly!
spacerSUAR. Unless they broke my balls would I be any gentler in savaging them.
spacerEUD. Wrath would kindle a new blaze in this dried-up old man unless we protect ourselves with a downpour of soft words when he’s afire.
spacerSUAR. Let me speak poetically: “Break, my Muse, your easy-flowing pens, and tear up your books.”
spacerEUD. For, in addition the insult done to such a famous professor, that they should set such a desiccated old Spaniard afire!
spacerSUAR. This is a crime not to be atoned for by any expiatory offering.
spacerIGN. Hooray, my son. Continue flattering in this way.
spacerEUD. Not even if they cultivated Paris itself with their fire.
spacerSUAR. This is an upright young fellow and a prudent judge of things.
spacerEUD. So why not sit back down, master, and hear what we have devised concerning these things?
spacerSUAR. Go ahead.
spacerEUD. But only by your leave, great commander.
spacerIGN. I gladly give my consent.
spacerEUD. You should now this first: your Jesuit champions will never abandon you, pestering the Sorbonne for its deed and daily amassing great mountains of malice. (By the authority of which his books were burned in France.)
spacerIGN. By heaven, this I vow.
spacerEUD. And then let their petty kinglet look out for himself, guided by the example of his predecessors. If he continues along this path, in this world there exist daggers, and there exist Ravaillacs.
spacerSUAR. I’ll enjoy a sufficiency of that revenge.
spacer EUD. Meanwhile may I employ these incendiaries to burn incense for whatever small amount of glory as can be acquired by an old man, following far behind the ordinary ranks and freely roaming apart from the rest of the herd?
spacerIGN. This is rather your glory, Suarez.
spacerSUAR. Mine? Spare me that kind of glory.
spacerEUD. I don’t mean that, but whatever glory resides in this thing, Father, I credit to you because you have uprightly performed this task for your commander, the supreme desire of that elderly gentleman.
spacerEUD. So beware valuing any other critic at a groat’s worth.
spacerSUAR. I agree, I am satisfied with that. Now I relent my anger.
spacerEUD. And you should believe that for what little space of life remains you you are condemned to have this imp.
spacerSUAR. I believe this is so.
spacerIGN. And I’ll make the whole world believe it.


LUC. Hand it over to me. (He means the vessels which the spirits are carrying.)
spacerEUD. Pending your imminent departure from this life you shall have this help, which, next to Ignatius., is supreme.
spacerLUC. It will be so.
spacerSUAR. Oh, I’m a blessed old man! I don’t ask for anything more.
spacerLUC. Here you are. You imps must soak these drunkards. This concoction contains cabbage mixed with saffron.
spacerFOOL. Have another, Profanity.
spacerPROF. We’ll attend to that.
spacerLUC. This is elixir of hellebore. Will somebody decant it for the madman?
spacerSYC. I’ll do it.
spacerLUC. Let the man paralyzed by pain drink this anodyne.
spacerIMP. Hand it here, master.
spacerLUC. These things are already prepared.
spacerIGN. You are to be thanked, Eudaemon, because when we were inside you instructed me how each of these men could best be managed. Have you brought it?
spacerEUD. (Giving him a sheet of paper.) Here it is.
spacerIGN. Meanwhile, I shall study this.
spacerFOOL. Becanus, Becanus, stay awake.
spacerBEC. I’m awake. Give me my tenth tankard.
spacerFOOL. Stay awake, Ignatius is watching you .
spacerBEC. Take him to the consistory. He’ll get a whipping there.
spacerFOOL. Stay awake, I tell you, and use your eyes.
spacerBEC. What? Stand me up.
spacerPAC. As we cardinals are in the habit of doing.
spacerSYC. Bah, he persists in his madness.
spacerLUC. You should persist in giving him something to drink.
spacerEUD. (Coquaeus is filled with admiration.) These are the follies of their departing distemper.
spacerIGN. Hey monk, you’re a good man, fetch it.
spacerIMP. I make an end to my veneration.
spacer PROF. Scioppe, do you know where you are?
spacerSCIOP. Ha, where in the world am I?
spacerPROF. Just have a look.
spacerSCIOP. Are these men from England? Let me take up my arms.
spacerPROF. No, they’re your masters, get up and show them reverence.
spacerLUC. Enough. Now lift up your face.
SYC. La ho, so ho. Pax.
spacerPAC. What’s the matter? Who’s calling me?
spacerEUD. Here, here. There are those who want you to be Peace.
spacerSYC. Why don’t you get up quickly?
spacerPAC. Give me your hand.
spacerIGN. As many of you as are present, my sons, mark what I now say.
spacerCOQ,. We await your will.
spacerIGN. First of all, let us dine so that we have no future preoccupation. This business of books is a dangerous thing, and gives our enemies the chance that we might grow worse than we were before.
spacerLUC. But we are infecting all our friends with this grave disease, that they are sickened by seeing and hearing us.
spacerIGN. Before the English can obtain this, let them prevail by their spiritual virtues. Whether the contest be one of intellect or strength, they write and contend indomitably. We are Phrygians, late in growing wise, schooled at last by such a great evil. It was nevertheless necessary.
spacerSUAR. Pray what was necessary?
spacerEUD. The support of our partisans.
spacerSUAR. So our common folk would not rise up, or their minds be troubled, or they believe anything when they hear some evil spoken about us: we achieve this by writing in opposition, even when we do nothing to reconcile our enemies.
spacerIGN. You have put your finger on it. This is how the matter stands, and it behooves us to keep it that way.
spacerLUC. And in what way have you decided to do this?
spacerIGN. We will prevail in any way you like. We’ll try another way using crimes and deceptions by which people make trouble, we’ll marshal misfortune for the English.
spacerEUD. And men will not be lacking who will continue writing their pamphlets and maintaining their reputation among the worthless common folk.
spacer LUC. Thank you, I’ve never heard sounder advice.
spacerIGN. Nor, as far as I’m concerned, more useful for our Catholic cause.
spacerSUAR. So what will become of these writers?
spacerIGN. That’s why we’ve come here. My decision concerning you, my sons, is settled thus. First of all, while any of the work you have been doing still remains to be completed, I am grateful for the honor you do me.
spacerBEC. That’s enough. We adore your kindness, Father.
spacerLUC. First I’ll bring it about that you receive in abundance. Daily their shall be [...] such as you desire, and which I have assumed.
spacerBEC. We are very grateful for your government.
spacerLUC. And I shall command honors to bestowed upon you.
spacerSCIOP. You are a good man. May you be blessed and obeyed by your followers.
spacerIGN. For, save for that single scarlet which the pope has put up for possession, the ability to gain all other honors is subject to my decision.
spacerCOQ. Oh, we are blessed for having served you!
spacerIGN. But these things I have already mentioned are common to you all. There is also an individual good thing I shall bestow on each of you. I wish you, Kaspar, to be styled my martyr, and that a papal nuncio should everywhere proclaim the miracle of your history.
spacerSCIOP. On this score I should demand that a hundred of my noses be slit.
spacerIGN. Westphalia will continue to conceal my Pacenus, so that might not easily be determined who he is or for what business he was born.
spacerPAC. And so you will preserve your Bartolus forever.
spacerIGN. As long as Coquaeus remains head of the Augustinians, let him seek our enemy at home. And he will dare attack Mornaeus bravely, since the English do no dare retaliate.
spacerCOQ. By Hercules, I am unworthy of this honor unless such is your wish, Father.
spacerIGN. Becanus is the man to whom I entrust my reputation for him to keep it safe and sound forever, lest in some way it be ruined by the reading of his writings..
spacerBEC. Father, there’s nothing which Martinus would prefer for himself.
spacerEUD. Now has our master satisfied us all?
spacerALL We are thoroughly pleased.
spacerSCIOP. Unless some great misfortune is still to be inflicted on the English?
spacerEUD. Yes, we’d like to see that.
spacerIGN. So now let’s all go to my house, and spend a cheerful day there.
spacerLUC. But, if I understand properly, one of our number is missing.
spacer IGN. Really? Missing? To hell with him, whoever he is.
spacerLUC. Is he Sycophancy?
spacerSYC. Sycophancy’s here.
spacerIMP. It’s Emptiness.
spacerIGN. Then, as far as I’m concerned, he’ll quickly change his name on the spot and become Loaded amidst his vacuum.
spacerLUC. I wonder what the matter is. For he strikes me as uncharacteristically questionable.
spacerEUD. Send somebody to fetch him.
spacerLUC. I agree. You go, Impudence.
spacerIMP. But I have no idea at all where to search for him.
spacerIGN. Now what’s this laziness of you all, you idle rascals?
spacerIMP. But the day is saved, I see him approaching nearby.



spacerDEL.. Is he bringing someone along with himself?
spacerIMP. He is.
spacerEMPT. Please hurry.
spacerFITZ. (He is completely ignorant of Latin.) Barlowe, let him take as given to himselfe —
spacerEMPT. People are here who will understand you.
spacerFITZ. Ile serve him also.
EMPT. Hey, just look.
spacerIGN. Really, Emptiness? Are we wasting our day because of you?
spacerLUC. What do you have to say, you loiterer?
spacerEMPT. Forgive me, my worshipful lords. This happened thanks to this one man’s choice.
spacerIGN. How so?
spacerEMPT. Because he outdoes a snail in his slowness.
spacerIGN. What manner of man is he and what does he want that makes him appear so late in the day after all our efforts?
spacerEMPT. You will do better to ask him himself, master. For I have no ability to understand what he is saying.
spacerEUD. Where’s he from?
spacerEMPT. I don’t know that either.
spacerLUC. So why have you brought him?
spacerEMPT. Because he keeps showing me a book which I understand to be written against the English.
spacerIGN. How do you know that?
spacerEMPT. That’s my guess, at least. But ask him yourself who he is and what he wants, if you choose.
spacerIGN. What say you? Do you remember anything in Latin, my man?
spacerFITZ. If not beeinge Latin our countremen will understand it the better.
IGN. Pray what’s he saying?
spacerFITZ. Your Latin bookes are for schollars only.
LUC. Does he understand anything at all?
spacerFITZ. I shall well fit the unlearneder sort.
SCIOP. It’s a wonder if he isn’t speaking Hebrew
spacerSUAR. No, I recognize this isn’t Hebrew.
spacerFITZ. The poore Catholique cobler will finde comfort in mee.
spacerEMPT. Look here, he sounds Catholic. Doubtless he is going to proclaim a summary of our cause.
spacerIGN. Come here, oh guest. Hand me that book. This is Latin printing. Come, read.
spacerFITZ. “A redjoynder to the supplement of Father Robert Parsons disputations.”
EUD. Hm, Emptiness made a fine guess that this pertains to our English affair. Now I know this for sure, since he has named Robert Parsons.
spacerIGN. Him? This is a weighty business.
spacerLUC. So that this can be put in a nutshell, let us summon Parsons here. Perhaps he can match his tongue to this man’s mind.
spacerIGN. Your advice is practical. Come, Emptiness, tell Parsons that we want to meet with him right away.
spacerEMPT. I shall.
spacerIGN. But without any delay.
spacerEMPT. I’ll warn him.
spacerEUD. And make haste.
spacerFITZ. (Speaking in a declamatory style.)spacer“A discovery and confutation of many foule absurdities, falsityes and lyes.”
spacerEUD. So what’s the argument, my good man?
spacerSUAR. I suppose he’s some ancient disputer.
spacerIGN. Perhaps.
spacerEUD. But nothing follows in Latin. Read this.
spacerFITZ. “Responsio ad Cardinalis Bellarmini Apologiam.” They told mee the Latin booke that I answere is thus intitled.
IGN. Hah, surely you are not responding to Bellarmine’s Apology?
spacerFITZ. And this may serve for a sufficient answere for the whole, as you note. For I touch some poynt of it.
spacerEUD. Whether or not this fellow is acting against us, he is a great deviant.
spacerIGN. Should I send him to the Inquisition so they may put him to the question?
spacerEUD. Parsons should recommend nothing less.
spacerLUC. And look, here he is.



spacerPARS. So you are all met together?
spacerEMPT. All of us.
spacerPARS. I’d be happy to see you.
spacerEMPT. So why not have a look?
spacerPARS. You are all my familiars, my lords. I greet you briefly.
spacerLUC. As you prefer, Robert.
spacerPARS. But this is an unreasonably formal manner of meeting. Suarez, I recognize you of old. And you, gentlemen, were never equally familiar to me, but I greet you in a most friendly fashion.
spacerSUAR. And we greet you likewise, Robert.
spacerPARS. I am among you, having been cheated by equal misfortune. I poured forth books immeasurably, I left nothing in our enemies untainted by my vile scum so that I might earn myself the promised cardinalate. But the Fates thwarted my scarlet and my hope vanished.
spacerSYC. And what of you, in the meantime?
spacerPARS. After having come here I don’t value it so highly. Here I find something far more desirable: the friendship of Lucifer, the company of Ignatius, and all the honors of the Underworld.
spacerSCIOP. Woe now to the man who’s sad!
spacerBEC. Let he who desires the scarlet have it.
spacerCOQ. That’s fine by me.
spacerPARS. And so by me.
spacerIGN. Well done, Robert. I praise you.
spacerFITZ. I pray, sir, doe not you knowe mee?
spacerPARS. What? What book do I see? My Appendix? How’s it faring?
spacerFITZ. You must talke English, sir, if you will have mee understand you.
IGN. Do you know this man, Robert?
spacerPARS. As well as I know myself.
spacerEUD. Where’s he from, and it please the gods?
spacerPARS. He’s my fellow countryman.
spacerSCIOP. Is he an Englishman? Hey, give him to me.
spacer LUC. Do you know what dealing he would have with us?
spacerPARS. I knowe nowe. Whats the newes with you?
FITZ. (Rummaging through his books.). I have written here against the bishop nowe.
IGN. What’s he talking about.
spacerPARS. A book by Bellarmine.
spacerEUD. Seems against his Responsio. This is something.
spacerFITZ. I growe old nowe. I would bee glad to get some what among ’em.
PARS. Now he is asking that some provision be made for his old age.
spacerIGN. But in exchange for what merit? Explain this now.
spacerPARS. I’ll look into it.
spacerEUD. Pray do so.
spacerLUC. And now we have no further need to linger here.
spacerIGN. Just wait a moment until he answers.
spacerEUD. Now in the meantime you should be thinking what will be done with him, if Parsons should chance to approve of him.
spacerIGN. The matter itself will provide this.
spacerPARS. What meant you ’t should come soe late?
FITZ. Alas, sir, I could not gett it to content mee, nor my arguments against it any sooner.
IGN. What is it, Robert? What’s your opinion?
spacerPARS. I approve of his plan. For in England we possess far more women and illiterates than wise doctors.
spacerIGN. What then?
spacerPARS. Now this book will save those folk for us, even though it will nauseate the educated.
spacerEUD. Is there any wit in it?
spacerPARS. Not a bit, but (and this amounts to the same thing) much misrepresentation.
spacerIGN. What misrepresentation?
spacerPARS. By Hercules, he constantly rattles on about Catholic Fathers such as Ambrose, Augustine and Cyril, as if he were on intimate terms with them.
spacerIGN. Fine!
spacerPARS. And says that in his letters the Bishop of Ely understands scarce anything divine or human —
spacerEUD. That too is useful.
spacerPARS. — but corrupts everything with his falsehoods, lies, and wretched devices.
spacerIGN. He deserves our support, just as you proclaim.
spacer PARS. He has set his mind in the same way that dogs fix on the filthiest place to urinate.
spacerEUD. Assuredly he will not be refuted.
spacerFITZ. Counteymen, wilt please you doe any thinge for mee nowe?
PARS. Yes, feare not.
FITZ. Any small thingse to keepe alive a man.
IGN. What’s he saying now?
spacerPARS. That he knows who he is and will be content with the smallest trifle.
spacerIGN. So what’s your advice, Robert?
spacerFITZ. (He addresses Emptiness, and then the remaining imps.) Any of you old gentlemen I will bee glad to doe you my service.
spacerFOOL. He seems to be well-mannered.
spacerPARS. Hm, I have found out that it will suffice if food and clothing are provided him.
spacerIGN. They will be provided.
spacerPARS. Yes indeed, for you will order one of the lords to keep the old fellow in his household and give him friendly support.
spacerIGN. I suppose you mean Bellarmine.
spacerPARS. No, I’m not happy with Bellarmine.
spacerIGN. Why?
spacerPARS. I don’t want any suspicion to be offered to our enemies.
spacerIGN. You’re canny.
spacerEUD. So what would you say if he were to be entrusted to the Cardinal of Montealto?
spacerPARS. Either to him, by Hercules, or anyone else at all.
spacerIGN. Surely this is something we can decide at our leisure within. Come, Robert, will you join us inside?
spacerPARS. If our Lucifer has no objection.
spacerLUC. I grant my permission.
spacerIGN. So why not go? And tell that Englishman to follow.
spacerFITZ. But alas am I worthy of nothinge?
PARS. Courage, man, goe. You must followe them.
FITZ. O thanke you.



spacerPARS. And I would very much like to invite you too, spectators, if I were not aware that you find our ways so greatly abhorrent that you think association with us anywhere would be harmful. But, if you agree to come, I shall ensure that you find an abundance of happiness and delight there (something perhaps absent from our play thus far because I was absent. If you do not go, so that the Jesuits may keep their glory, by Hercules, for the sake of your old Parsons give your applause.