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THE FIRST BOOK OF JOHN OWEN’S EPIGRAMS 

1. TO THAT ILLUSTRIOUS NOBLEWOMAN, LADY MARY NEVILLE

I dedicate, lest Patron-less It be,
My Book to th’ Reader, and My Self to Thee.

2. TO THE READER

Thy Folly’s blam’d, if Thou Commendest all
That here Thou readest; no Thing, if thy Gall.

3. OF HIS BOOK, TO JOHN HOSKINS, A LAWYER AND RIGHT TALENTED POET

This Book is as The World: as Men, The Verse:
Good Verses Here, as There good Men, are scarce.

4. TO THE LADY MARY NEVILLE, HIS PATRONESS

If us Pythagoras doth not delude,
Thou Juno, Pallas, Venus, dost include:
For in Thee, though but One, Three vertues be:
Where, One of Them is rare, in other Three.

5. TO THE SAME

As in the Skies the Sun, i’ th’ Sun the Light,
So vertue’s splendor in thy Face seems scite: (appointed, ordained
Who comes a Looker on, becomes a Lover:
Thy Vertue, or thy Beauty’s the sole Mover.

6.TO HER SON THOMAS NEVILLE, A BOY OF HIGHEST HOPE

Such rare Things of thy Genius are Pen’d,
That though All true, they All belief transcend.
Hope in a Child, not present Worth, is prais’d:
Thee present Worth, not Hope alone hath rais’d.

7. TO HER DAUGHTER CECILY NEVILLE

Thou like thy Mother art, and needst none other
Applause: It is enough, th’ art like thy Mother.

8. KNOW THY SELF. OF HARPALUS

Thou worthy to be known art not of worth:
Fit for thy knowledge then seek something forth.

9. TO A LAWYER

If happy’s he who knows of Things the Cause:
How happy thou Cause-Pleader with Applause.

10. OF JOHN PROTE

To lead a Wife, that is, to marry One,
Oft hast Thou menac’d Drunkards can do none: (Averred
Rather a Wife must marry Thee, to lead
Thee drunken from the City to thy Bed.

11. TO AULUS AN IGNOBLE NOBLE-MAN

Thou to thine Ancestors ow’st All: to Thee
Posterity shall not indebted be.

12. TO HERNICUS

Thou bought’st a Fool for Twenty Pounds, but I
Will not at such a price the Buyer buy.

13. OF VENUS

Love’s first Sweet’s better, bitter is in Fine: (In the end
Venus comes smiling, mourning doth decline;
So run fresh Rivers to the Sea, whose Taste
Returns Them brackish-brinish at the last.

14. TO D. GILBERT

Thou th’ Earthy denyst to stand: prodigious Note.
Thus writing, Thou perhaps wert in a Boat.

15. TO PHYSICIANS AND LAYWERS

Galen, thine Health doth from our sickness rise;
Justinian, our Folly makes Thee wise.

16. O TIMES, O MANNERS!

Learn’d Scaliger The Worlds deformed Times
Reformed: Who shall Now reform Mens Crimes?

17. PARIS HIS JUDGEMENT

When Paris was elect a Judge to be
Between Three Goddesses, and of the Three
Doubtfull which to preferr, Pallas was wise,
Juno majestick: Venus wan the Prize.
Love Conquer’d All: were’t now to vote again,
One money’d Juno would the Prize obtain.

18. GERMANICAL TRUTH

Democritus affirm’d that Truth was drown’d
In some profound Abyss, not to be found.
If hid in Wine, as Proverbs have assign’d,
The Teutons have It found, or will It find.

19. TO LINUS

Thou, Linus, hath Librorum* store, but more
Would learned be, Librarum ** had such store.

* Books. ** Pounds.

20. TO A CERTAIN YOUNG NOBLE-MAN

Old Age, not Death’s Thee wish’d: the Sickness, Age,
Not Death, the Cure, is wish’d Thee by the Sage.

21. TO A CERTAIN POOR PHYSICIAN

Thou that of late Mendicus* came to Town,
Thy name but changing, Medicus** art grown:
Physick Thou giv’st the Sick, he gives Thee Coin,
Thus his Disease Thou curest, and he Thine.

* A Beggar. ** A Physician.

22. OF A CERTAIN WOMAN

Thy Form brought forth thy Fame: But O the Child
Did kill the Mother: fair Form Fame defil’d.

23. AGAINST MARCUS

In Nature why dost Emptiness* Deny,
Sith in thine Head’s so much vacuity? (Since

* Vacuum.

24. UPON MODERN WRITERS. TO SOLINUS

Whether the vulgar more untruths unmask
In Quart’, Octav’ or Folio doth ask?
In Sexto-decimo some Writers (The sixtheenth [century]
Suspect in ev’ry Folio to lie.

25. OF PHILLIS

Phillis, Thou wilt not give, but tak’st a kiss,
Knowing that taking One, a giving is.

26. TO THE SAME

If Love be Fire (as doth the Proverb prove)
Ah, woe to Me, how Cold a Fire’s thy Love!

27. A WICKED ATHEIST

Use present Times and Things: A Time will be
When there will be no Time at all for Thee.
Grammarians Past, Future Times display,
But I will use the Present while I may.

28. THE ATHEIST’S EPITAPH

He died, as if dead, no Life There were:
As if There were no Death, He lived Here.

29. THE OPTATIVE MOOD

Th’ Infinitive is near th’ Optative Mood,
For Infinite’s the wish of Goods or Good.

30. OF ALANA

Wedlock to be th’ intolerablest yoke
Alana cries all day: but doth revoke
When Night is come her Clamorous Regreet, (Regret, lament
And saith, No yoke like Wedlock is so sweet.

31. PROPHETS, POETS

Prophets of Things to come the Truth predict:
But Poets of Things past write false and fict. (Fictitiously

32. OF LIFE AND DEATH

Life tends to Death, as Rivers to the Seas:
For Life is sweet, Death bitter, doth displease.

33. OF VULCAN

Vulcan made splendid Arms for Mars his Breast,
Mars gave unt’ him a specious-spacious Crest:
Thou wert well paid O Vulcan for thy pains,
Horns for thine Iron; Wert such Glaucus gains.

34. AN ENGLISH GRAMMAR

The Feminine doth unt’ It self design
What’s proper to the Gender Masculine.

35. FREE WILL

Freedom of will, which is The worlds Contest,
Husbands have lost, but Wives have It possest.

36. OF LIFE AND LOVE

Though ev’ry Action unt’ Its End doth tend,
Yet Life and Love abominate their End.

37. THE ELYSIAN FIELDS

Through Hells dark-dismall Cell Aeneas walk’d
Into th’ Elysian Fields, as Poets talk’d:
For when He shot Elisa’s Gulph, who can
Deny, He was i’ th’ Fields Elysian?

38. AN HUSBAND, AND AN ADULTERER

The Husband

I have A wife, others her Love: so rather
For Others not Themselves Bees Honey gather.

The Adulterer

This Seed I rais’d, but in Anothers Field:
So Birds for Others, not Themselves do build.

39. NEW RHETORICK

His Arguments, who Money wants, are sick:
Gifts Now, not words, are the New Rhetorick.

40. OF COTTA, LATELY MADE A MONK

Cotta perplex’d with’s wife a Cucule* bought,
That dying He might die no Cuckold thought.

* A monks hood.

41. GENEVA’S ARMS

Geneva in her Ensign doth display
Th’ Imperial Eagle, and the Popedoms Key:
But how Geneva Them to keep dost hope,
Should Rodolph* claim his Bird, his Key the Pope?

* The Emperour.

42. UPON THE TRIFLES OF BORBONIUS, A POET

Thou Trifles thought’st not, what Thou so didst call:
I call Them not, but think Them Trifles All.

43. OF FAITH

Not Faiths, but Faith is mention’d on Record:
For former Times did but one Faith afford.

44. OF PAULINUS, A PHYSICIAN

Wherefore’s a sick Man call’d thy Patient,
Sith He’s impatient at thine Advent? (Since
By suff’ring He’s thy Patient, for He
Doth suffer more, than by’s disease, by Thee.

45. OF COTTULA

If what Apollo said of One* be true,
Th’ art Wise: Thou knowst Thou Nothing knowst: Adieu.

* Socrates.

46. OF FABIANA

If Fields be fertile call’d that bear much Corn,
Then Fab’an’s fertile, for she hath many born.

47. A JOQUE UPON COVETOUS MEN

The Vulgar, Nature pleas’d with little, praise,
And on the Covetous a Scandal raise:
Yet sole the Covetous pleas’d with least we see;
Nature Enough thinks little, Nothing He.

48. TO PHILOPATER

Though for Ones Country noble ’tis to die,
Yet nobler ’tis to live for It, think I.

49. THE WORLD

I’ th’ world’s no Constancy; All’s Circular:
What wonder Then no Rectitude is There?

50. OF ARETINO

In All Things there’s a Mediocrity,
Excepting in the Thing call’d Venery:
Lust hath found out a thousand means, with Art
To do, what should be done on Natures part.

51. OF SILIUS

Th’art Atheist: For Papist Thou mayst not be,
And to b’ a Protestant disliketh Thee.

52. AGAINST ATHEISTS

No House doth want Its Lord; shall Then (alone)
This specious-spacious House the World have None?

53. A PHYSICIAN

Physicians take Gold, but seldome give:
They Physick give, take none, yet healthy live.
A Diet They prescribe; the Sick must for’t
Give Gold; Each other Thus supply support.

54. OF LAWYERS

Lawyers are prudent, provident beside,
For prudently They for Themselves provide.

55. A COURTIER

If good, Thou mayst be better, but not greater:
If great, more great; not better, nor compleater.

56. TO MARCUS, A MONOCULIST

Thou, Marcus, wantst an Eye; Enough’s one Eye:
Both Eyes may more, not better Things espye:
I have both Ears, but hear no Truth now told;
Both Eyes, but can with Them no good behold.

57. OF PAULUS

Thou to preserve thy Fame, hast built thy Tomb:
As if that Tombs should not to ruine come.

58. A SECRET AGAINST GREY HAIRS. TO BITHYNICUS

Lest in old Age thine hairs should silver’d be,
Thy youth hath made Thee bald: O happy Thee!

59. OF THEODORE

Thou newly married didst think th’ hadst found
A narrow Passage to the Starry Round:
But that New Passage led t’ another Road,
T’a lower, not the straight way, but the broad.

60. OF APOLLO AND THE MUSES

The Muses Femes, Apollo’s Masculine:
For One Apollo’s worth the Muses Nine.

61. OF ALANUS, GROWN OLD

His Cubit with Wives Cubit measuring,
Alanus said, “O sweet concubiting!”

62. THE CALENDS OF JANUARY. OF OLUS AND QUINTUS

To th’ Rich Ole gives not, lest his Gifts ask more;
Nor to the Poor, because Himself is poor.
But Quintus gives expecting that by shift,
For what He durst not ask, a better Gift.

63. OF PONTIA

One wish’d All cuckolds cast i’ th’ Sea, but t’ Him
HIs Wife thus said, “Learn (Husband) first to Swim.”

64. A WORK OF DARKNESS

’Tis to preserve the Species a profit,
But th’ Individuum’s th’ Opposer of it.

65. THOU LYEST

Beware, t’ a Souldier give not the Lye:
He takes it for the great’st Indignity:
Ye that the Lye for such Disgrace esteem,
Why then to Lye so great a grace d’ye deem?

66. OF AN HYPOCRITE

Thou wilst now swear, ’tis Sin: but thou wilt Lye:
Is this Religion or Hypocrisie?

67. ANDROGYNUS

Who Venus-like, and Mercury’s in sight,
Nor Man nor Woman, ’s an Hermaphrodite.

68. VENUS

Love like the Sea doth flow, doth Ebb again:
What wonder? For Venus sprung from the Main.
No Trust’s in Her, she’s light, and placed (with Mars)
Among the Planets, not the fixed Stars.

69. OF RIVALS

Each unt’ himself would Phillis have, but There
Doth more of Envy than of Love appear.

70. A WOMAN

A woman from man’s Womb was fram’d: but Eve
Did from Mans Bone, not Flesh, her Form receive.

71. THE ALLIANCE OF PHYSICIANS AND LAWYERS

Physicians and Lawyers in their Trade
Are like, their gain of others losses made.
To Patients Those, to Clients These apply
Their helping hand, but help themselves thereby.

72. OF PAMPHILUS, TO PHILIPPE

Nature doth no Vacuities admit:
Pamph’ therefore as his Leader follows It.

73. TO ONE BALD

Leaves to the Trees, and Grass returns to Ground:
But not one hair on thy bald pate is found.

74. NILUS IN THE EYES, AETNA IN THE HEART

Cold Nilus entred hath my burning Eiyes,
Mine Heart with Aetna’s Flames inflamed fryes:
No Floods of Tears can quench so great a Fire,
Nor burning Love can make those Floods retire;
So though discording Fire and Water be,
Concording yet They shew their force in me.

75. CAETERIS PARIBUS (THE REST ALIKE). OF CAMILLA

Two Suiters did Camilla love and Court;
One beautiful, in Stature yet but short:
That other not so fair, but taller prov’d.
The Maid b’ing ask’d which of them best she lov’d,
She looking on the Taller, when she spies
His Nose, Arms, Leggs, Feet, all of longest size,
She thus, or Impudent, or prudent spake,
“If all be like, I will this long Man take.”

76. OF GYANTS AND DWARFS

Giants and Dwarfs are Monsters in their Forms,
Those are like Elephants, and these like Worms.

77. OF AN ABBOT’S TWO BASTARDS

When in the Temple with the rest you pray,
You two, not fictly, “Abba Father” say. (Falsely

78. OF PRIESTS

Priests wedded are: what thereby gain they more?
They had as much of that in Tenths before. (Tithes

79. A PARTICIPLE

A Verb if Eras, Mus a Noun’s declin’d,
What is Erasmus let the Reader find.

80. A CASE. TO THE LAWYERS

A Man lies with a Wife, which is his own
Whom he suppos’d Anothers, till ’twas known:
Whether the Child by such mistake begot,
Be spurious, legitimate, or not?

81. OF THE MORNING

Dost wonder why the Light’s expatiated
I’ th’ Morn before the Sun? ’Twas First created.

82. OF THE DAY

Though Night than Argus be more full of Eyes,
The Day’s One Eye more clearly things descries.

83. OF THE NIGHT

Why doth dark Night put on her black Array?
It Widow-like mourns for departed Day:
Should not the Stars inlighten mourning Night,
Grief would oppress us e’re the Mornings light.

84. TO MARCUS

Thy Verses praise Me, but I think because
I should thy Verses praise with mine Applause.

85. OF DEATH

Thieves shall restore their Theft, Robbers their Prey,
But nothing Death; For Death takes All away.

86. TO HIS FRIEND

Half of thy Dear, whom Thou dost dearly love,
Sith th’ art, and Half thine own, how Mine dost Prove? (Since
Yet writ’st thy self still Mine: while having thine
Own Wife, are scarce thine own, how cans’t be Mine?

87. A GOOD MAN

If what Rare’s preclare, and of Account, (Distinguished, outstanding
A good Man doth all Rarities surmount.

88. OF A CERTAIN OLD MAN

Thy Beard once black, Age hath made white: thy Mind
Once white’s now black; once candid, now’s unkind.

89. OF PAULINUS

When I thy Friend a Boon from Thee would borrow,
Thine Answer is, It shall be done to Morrow:
Wilt that I Thanks condigne should Thee repay?
Thou shalt have Thanks to Morrow, not to day.

90. OF PAINTED LADIES

You that your Faces paint, may well, nay must
With Flaccus* say, we Shadows are and Dust.

* Horace.

91. OF COTTA

Thy Wives Thou Wholly, but not solely art:
She’s solely Thine, not wholly, but in part.

92. A POLITICIAN

Dissemble, Feign: Thy Self comport-comply
With Humours, with the Times: ’tis Policy.
If Thou be wise, thy Self comply-comport
To serve the Times, that Times may serve Thee for’t.

93. OF VENUS

Why follow Venus Mars his lawless Flame?
Because t’ his lawful Venus Vulcan’s lame.

94. OF MARINUS

None can Two Masters serve (without disaster)
But Thou Two Mistresses dost serve, no Master.

95. OF MARCUS

Thy Beard doth grow, thine hairs from head do fall:
Grave bearded, but light-headed th’ art withal.

96. A NEW YEAR’S GIFT. JANUARY 1 1603. TO DOMINUS JOHN HOSKIN

When I convers’d with Thee (my Friend instil’d) (Styled, denominated
Youth at Oxon,* Winton as a Child:**
Oft without doubts, in doubts I found thy love,
Your Friendship without Fraud I oft did prove:
So that thy Love, which then thou shew’d to Me,
Commands, commends These grateful Lines to Thee.

* New Colledge in Oxford. ** Winchester Colledge where the Scholars are called Children.

97. OF DEATH. TO EPICHARMUS

Why wouldst not die, but yet be dead? O why
Wouldst without dying, Epicharmus, die?
Grief bringeth Death; Death Grief extinguisheth:
Grief therefore (Epicharmus) is worse than Death.

98. OF PHYLLIS

Parthians in their Flight shoot, wound their Foe,
And Lovers, Phyllis, fleeing, woundeth so.

99. OF HALLUS THE GRAMMATICASTER

“I famous am when fasting, but when full,
I’m,” saith Hallus, “Infamous and dull.”

100. OF THE LOADSTONE

At Court Magnates Gold to Them attract,
As Iron the Magnetes All exact:
I’le not deal with Such, in Asking learn’d,
In giving slack, in Taking most concern’d:
All to Them go, none from them come again,
Gifts I nill ask them, lest I ask in vain. (Refuse to

101. OF DEATH

You ask what’s Death? till dead I not know Vere,*
Come to Me then, I will resolve thy Quere. (Query

* Certainly.

102. OF CLIENTS

Clients before a Thief run singing home,
As from the City Money-less they come.

103. TO ZOILUS

When I bad Manners check, thou carp’st at Me,
As conscious for reprehending Thee.
Why fear’st thou more than others? I perhaps
Blaming bad Manners, blame mine own Relapse.

104. CHILDREN AND FOOLS TELL TRUTH

Our Proverb calls Truth tellers Fools: What then?
Is’t Folly to tell Truth in English Men?

105. TO ONE BALD-HEADED

Thy Front had certain Measure, till a blast,
I know not of what Wind thy Leaves off cast:
Thy Front hath sithence All thine Head ingrost, (Since
And is perpetual at last, not lost:
Thou canst not tell the largeness of thy Front,
No Trust is therefore to be built upon’t.

106. TO THE SAME

Mine hairs I cannot number, ’cause so many:
Nor canst Thou number thine, because not any.

107. FORTUNES APOLOGY

Dame Fotune doth an equiballance bear, (Equilibrium
Shee fills the Poor with Hope, the Rich with Fear.

108. ON COTTA

Cotta the Stews advent’ring in, return’d
T’ his house (’tis said) with something that was burn’d.

109. ON PROCILLUS, A NOBLE-MAN

If thou to Lyers wouldst not lend thine Ear,
None with a Lye before Thee durst appear.

110. TO PAULUS, A LAWYER

Between thy self and Wife thou dost disjoyn
The year, so that scarce Half is wholly Thine:
One part’s thy Wives, Vacation calld’ t’ apply
Thy Wives Vocation, or Vacuity.
That other part’s not wholly thine; thy Bride
Neglected, Thou by Clients art employ’d.
This Part o’ th’ year the Term is call’d, and why?
Because it Terminates thy Venery.

111. TO THE SAME

No Terms determine, no Vacation’s vain,
Thou wholly Vacant art by Strifes to gain.

112. TO MARINUS

As oft as from the Bed thy wife doth rise
Untouch’d by Thee, her Nails assault thine Eyes:
Thou speak’st her Fair, but words in vain proceed,
She must be pleas’d in doing of the Deed.

113. A CHIRURGION

Shall I with Wars, or Peace? Each serves for me:
Fierce Mars, fair Venus, both my Patrons be.

114. THE VENETIAN DISEASE

My country’s Italy, my Parents Gauls,
’Tis doubt which of those Names to me befalls.

115. BACK-BITERS, FLATTERERS

One* said, The Snow was Black; an Author said:
This Age hath Many seen as sad, as bad:
The Fox a Crow’s white Feathers prais’d: Ah me,
How many Foxes in this Age have we!

* Anaxagoras.

116. TO PONTICUS

Thou said’st thou would’st repent: I scarce believe Thee,
For I did never yet so wise perceive Thee.

117. A THIRTEENTH HERCULEAN LABOUR

To tame a shrewd Wives Tongue, and haughty mind,
A Thirteenth Labour Hercules would find.

118. MARS, MORS. WAR, DEATH

War bringeth Dearth, Dearth Death to Men on Earth;
War therefore’s worse than either Death or Dearth.
Our Troubles War begins, Death finisheth,
In War small distance is ’twixt Dearth and Death.

119. TO CYNTHIA

O that thy Feats were like thy Feature: And
O that thine Heart were candid like thine Hand.

120. TO GELLIA

In secret sins thou think’st thy self secure;
Though Nothing’s done in secret that’s impure.

121. OF ALBINUS

A friend Albinus meeting said, “Retire
Thine shakes, for O thy Neighbours Wall’s on Fire.” (Shingles
Albinus hasting home, his wife did take
In th’ Act. “O Now,” quoth He, “my Wall doth shake.”

122. OF CLAUDIUS, A PHILOSOPHASTER

Sick, Claudius, poor, foolish, parts by’s Art
Good in Three Parts; but of Them hath no Part.

123. OF BARDELLA, A THIEF AT MANTUA

A Monk the Thief Bardella judg’d to die
Thus Comforted, “O thou shalt Sup on high”:
Bardella then reply’d, “I fast this day,
Please you to Sup There in my Place, you may
.”

124. OF FLITTING FLORA

In thy Coition thou didst boast thine Act,
Thy boasting was more sinful than thy Fact.

125. OF QUINTILLUS

He nothing gives t’ his Friend, but liberal
T’ his Friendless, gives Himself, his Wealth, his All.

126. TO AULUS, OF OLD QUINTIUS

Though Quintius a young wild Wife did Wed,
Why senst an Epithalamy t’ his Bed?
An Epitaphy were fitter to confer:
For his own Grave he digg’d in Bedding her.

127. OF COSTUS

Thou sinn’st impunely, but thy Fore-man paid ( With impunity (Penis
Thy Pennance with his Head: ’twas burn’d, ’tis said.

128. AN ANSWER TO CYNTHIA’S LETTER

Thy Paper’s white, thy Letter’s black within:
This doth denote thine Heart, and that thy Skin.

129. OF SEXTILIAN, A BASTARD

Not to Create Thee, but to recreate
Himself, thy Father thee begot (’twas Fate).
If Givers Minds than Gifts b’ accepted rather,
Thou dost not owe thy Life unto thy Father.

130. OF PORCIA, AN HYPOCRITT

Thou, ’cause my Book a Fore-man Names, doest flout it: (Penis
Books Thou wouldst have, but not a Man without it.

131. OF SATURNS THREE SONS

Divines, Physicians, Lawyers; These Three
Do regulate the World in their degree.

132. OF A SINGLE LIFE. TO A MARRIED FRIEND

Woe to the sole, said He,* that had a Wife:
Saint Paul doth much Commend a single Life.
That, Woe unt’ us, saith: This, but Woe to Me:**
That’s double, This but single Woe can be.

* Solomon, Eccles. ** A Welch Proverb Gwelli iw guai si, na gua ni, that is, Better is woe to me than woe to us.

133. TO I. CORNEUS

Hear, mark, be silent: he whose Feminine
Is wanton, to these three must most incline.

134. OF CAIUS

When Caius was accus’d of Bigamy,
Confessing, he professing did reply,
A Bishop Husband of One wife may be:
May not a Lay-man then have Two or Three?

135. OF POMPONIA

She’s punctual, her self that prostitutes:
Because with profit, pleasure she commutes.

136. OF PINOTUS, SICK WITH THE COLICK

Thy Life was sav’d by breathing out thy Breath:
That was thy LIfe which proves unt’ others Death.

137. OF POMPONIA

A Plume of Feathers brave Pomponia wears:
What Mars his Ensign was now Venus bears.
As Mars his favour She doth wear’t, that she
May shew how friendly Mars and Venus be.

138. SUUM CUIQUE PULCHRUM.* TO H. L.

Thou lov’st thy Neighbours wife, he thine doth love:
So that ones own doth not still pleasing prove.

* Cic. Tuscul. Quaest. lib. 5

139. VENUS

Sith Venus is expos’d to sale like Wine, (Since
Why hangs there not before her door a Sign?

140. TO MARINUS. DIFFICILIA QUAE PULCHRA

If difficult what’s fair, on this Result
Tace Facile thou, give me the Difficult.

141. TO THEODORUS

By th’ now-new Law thou maist not wed, what then?
By th’ old thou maist without offending men.
But twice ’gainst Moses Law* th’ hast done amiss,
Thy first wife was a whore, a widow this.

* Levit. c. 21 v. 7, 13 et 14.

142. THE CALENDS OF JANUARY. TO GERMANICUS

Instead of Gifts I Verses send to thee:
Send Gifts instead of Verses unto Me.

143. SARA

She that her Maid would unt’ her Husband give,
As did rare Sara, now doth rarely live.

144. TO D. T.

Thy Titles, Scholars Servant, Masters Lord,
Mine Envy and my Pity both afford.

145. OF PAULA, AN ATHEIST

Whether a Man two Wives, or Husbands two
A Maid should have, ’twas ask’d: This knot t’ undo,
Thus Paula said, “A Maid two Men should have,
Else how can two consist in one Concave?”

146. IN MEDIO VIRTUS

Between two Men a pompous Woman sate,
Vertue the middle Place hath lost of late.

147. OF ACERRA

“He’s blest, whom other’s Horns have made afraid,”
Unwedded A’cer oft t’ his Father said.

148. TO PINOTUS

Dost ask, What I would have a Feminine?
Not Venale, Vendible I would have Mine.

149. OF QUINTUS AND QUINTINA

Quintus his Wifes Intreaties for Commands,
Her words for Laws, her Beck for Statute stands:
She leads, she drives at will, the silly Sot,
As if she had an Husband, and had not:
’Gainst Nature, Laws, Arts Rules: Grammarian
Avaunt: For Here’s He Woman, and She Man.

150. A PARADOX. TO HIS ABSENT MISTRESS

I burn with Love: And I the more am burn’d,
The more remote from me the Fire is turn’d.

151. OF PAULINA

False to the First, false to the second Bed:
Both void, She liv’d unblam’d-unblemished,
Not for the fear of Sin; but fear of Shame
Preferr’d Her without Blemish, without Blame:
Though many did her treat, did her intreat,
She granted unto none the Vacant Seat.

152. OF GELLIA

If it be Simony to Merchandize,
And at a price Things consecrate to prize,
We well may call thee Simoniacal,
Who sellest Love, For Love’s Spiritual.

153. OF A CERTAIN WOMAN

In small time how immense thy Things did grow!
Of late but Omicron, Omega now.

154. AENIGMA

Tell where that Creature is, on Hill, or Vale,
Whose Father Female, Mother is a Male?

155. TO PONTICUS

That Both thine Eyes thou hast I wonder: Why?
Because thy Parents Each had but One Eye.

156. OF D. VITUS

I know not whether Horn’d, I know (by signes)
That th’ art a Bull, having Three Vitulines. (Calves

157. OF A DACTYLE. TO A CERTAIN LOVER

Wouldst with a pleasing Verse thy Mistris Court?
’T were fit to know what Feet should it support:
Of all the Measures which a Verse do summon,
The Dactyle Measure best delights a woman.

158. OF LOVE DESCENDING

From th’ Eyes Love riseth, by the Mouth descends
Into Love’s Center, where It hath it’s Ends.

159. OF BALBA

Balba, leave taking of her Spouse, said Thus,
“Phi-Philip you’l
d I hope soon-soon be with us.”

160. OF THEFT. A PROBLEM, TO LAWYERS

Who takes a thing, nilling his Lord, ’s a Thief: (Unwilling
But what if’s Lordess in that Act be Chief?

161. OF PONTICUS

Of Promise thou dost no Performance make:
Physician-like, who gives not, yet saith Take.

162. OF CERELLIA, MARRIED TO AN EUNUCH

Now to the Spartane Customs I agree,
That Men, Maids, when they wed should naked be:
For Cerill having late espous’d a Frank,
Thinking to gain a Prize, got but a Blank.

163. OF HORNS. A PROBLEM

When any Wife betrays the Marriage Bed,
Why wears her Husband Horns? Because he’s Head.

164. TO GERMANICUS. CALENDS OF JANUARY

Or give m’ a Gift, my Verses or restore,
Which I on that condition gave before.

165. CHRIST-CHURCH COLLEDGE IN OXFORD

Though this imperfect House to ruine tend,
Its large Quadrangle yet doth it commend.

166. OF PHYLLIS

Phyllis pretends my Verse her Fancy moves;
She loves a Verse, but something more she loves.

167. TO SAMUEL DANIEL

I spend the Time in Trifles, and in Folly:
Thus lest my Time be lost, I lose it wholly.

168. TO THE READER. OF HIMSELF

My Brevity perchance seems Sloth t’imply:
Believe me no small labour’s Brevity:
I not as some, speak much in foolish sort:
Perhaps my Speech is foolish, but ’tis short.

169. OF BOASTING THRASO

Why doth Sir Thraso wear great Spurs? Because
Glory doth wear great Spurs to gain Applause.

170. OF HIMSELF

Ask, saith Saint James, it will be given thee:
O that King James would say the same to me.

171. COURT MUSICK CONSISTING OF TWO VOICES

The Favourite’s advanc’d, and Elah sings:
Another, all his Tunes t’ a Cadence brings.

172. TO THE READER

Lest this my Book should make Tobaco vapour,
Wipe rather thy Posteriours with my Paper.

173. TO HIS BOOK

My Book, Me living, thou maist die perhaps:
What then? A Child doth oft to death elapse
Before his Father: So then, whether I
Survive Thee, or Thou me, We both must die.