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I dedicate, lest Patron-less It be,
My Book to th’ Reader, and My Self to Thee.2. TO THE READER
Thy Folly’s blam’d, if Thou Commendest all
That here Thou readest; no Thing, if thy Gall.
3. OF HIS BOOK, TO JOHN HOSKINS, A LAWYER AND RIGHT TALENTED POET This Book is as The World: as Men, The Verse:
Good Verses Here, as There good Men, are scarce.
4. TO THE LADY MARY NEVILLE, HIS PATRONESS If us Pythagoras doth not delude,
Thou Juno, Pallas, Venus, dost include:
For in Thee, though but One, Three vertues be:
Where, One of Them is rare, in other Three.
5. TO THE SAME As in the Skies the Sun, i’ th’ Sun the Light,
So vertue’s splendor in thy Face seems scite: (appointed, ordained
Who comes a Looker on, becomes a Lover:
Thy Vertue, or thy Beauty’s the sole Mover.
6.TO HER SON THOMAS NEVILLE, A BOY OF HIGHEST HOPE Such rare Things of thy Genius are Pen’d,
That though All true, they All belief transcend.
Hope in a Child, not present Worth, is prais’d:
Thee present Worth, not Hope alone hath rais’d.
7. TO HER DAUGHTER CECILY NEVILLE Thou like thy Mother art, and needst none other
Applause: It is enough, th’ art like thy Mother.
8. KNOW THY SELF. OF HARPALUS Thou worthy to be known art not of worth:
Fit for thy knowledge then seek something forth.
9. TO A LAWYER If happy’s he who knows of Things the Cause:
How happy thou Cause-Pleader with Applause.
10. OF JOHN PROTE To lead a Wife, that is, to marry One,
Oft hast Thou menac’d Drunkards can do none: (Averred
Rather a Wife must marry Thee, to lead
Thee drunken from the City to thy Bed.
11. TO AULUS AN IGNOBLE NOBLE-MAN Thou to thine Ancestors ow’st All: to Thee
Posterity shall not indebted be.
12. TO HERNICUS Thou bought’st a Fool for Twenty Pounds, but I
Will not at such a price the Buyer buy.
13. OF VENUS Love’s first Sweet’s better, bitter is in Fine: (In the end
Venus comes smiling, mourning doth decline;
So run fresh Rivers to the Sea, whose Taste
Returns Them brackish-brinish at the last.
14. TO D. GILBERT Thou th’ Earthy denyst to stand: prodigious Note.
Thus writing, Thou perhaps wert in a Boat.
15. TO PHYSICIANS AND LAYWERS Galen, thine Health doth from our sickness rise;
Justinian, our Folly makes Thee wise.
16. O TIMES, O MANNERS! Learn’d Scaliger The Worlds deformed Times
Reformed: Who shall Now reform Mens Crimes?
17. PARIS HIS JUDGEMENT When Paris was elect a Judge to be
Between Three Goddesses, and of the Three
Doubtfull which to preferr, Pallas was wise,
Juno majestick: Venus wan the Prize.
Love Conquer’d All: were’t now to vote again,
One money’d Juno would the Prize obtain.
18. GERMANICAL TRUTH Democritus affirm’d that Truth was drown’d
In some profound Abyss, not to be found.
If hid in Wine, as Proverbs have assign’d,
The Teutons have It found, or will It find.
19. TO LINUS Thou, Linus, hath Librorum* store, but more
Would learned be, Librarum ** had such store.* Books. ** Pounds.
20. TO A CERTAIN YOUNG NOBLE-MAN Old Age, not Death’s Thee wish’d: the Sickness, Age,
Not Death, the Cure, is wish’d Thee by the Sage.
21. TO A CERTAIN POOR PHYSICIAN Thou that of late Mendicus* came to Town,
Thy name but changing, Medicus** art grown:
Physick Thou giv’st the Sick, he gives Thee Coin,
Thus his Disease Thou curest, and he Thine.* A Beggar. ** A Physician.
22. OF A CERTAIN WOMAN Thy Form brought forth thy Fame: But O the Child
Did kill the Mother: fair Form Fame defil’d.
23. AGAINST MARCUS In Nature why dost Emptiness* Deny,
Sith in thine Head’s so much vacuity? (Since* Vacuum.
24. UPON MODERN WRITERS. TO SOLINUS Whether the vulgar more untruths unmask
In Quart’, Octav’ or Folio doth ask?
In Sexto-decimo some Writers (The sixtheenth [century]
Suspect in ev’ry Folio to lie.
25. OF PHILLIS Phillis, Thou wilt not give, but tak’st a kiss,
Knowing that taking One, a giving is.
26. TO THE SAME If Love be Fire (as doth the Proverb prove)
Ah, woe to Me, how Cold a Fire’s thy Love!
27. A WICKED ATHEIST Use present Times and Things: A Time will be
When there will be no Time at all for Thee.
Grammarians Past, Future Times display,
But I will use the Present while I may.
28. THE ATHEIST’S EPITAPH He died, as if dead, no Life There were:
As if There were no Death, He lived Here.
29. THE OPTATIVE MOOD Th’ Infinitive is near th’ Optative Mood,
For Infinite’s the wish of Goods or Good.
30. OF ALANA Wedlock to be th’ intolerablest yoke
Alana cries all day: but doth revoke
When Night is come her Clamorous Regreet, (Regret, lament
And saith, No yoke like Wedlock is so sweet.
31. PROPHETS, POETS Prophets of Things to come the Truth predict:
But Poets of Things past write false and fict. (Fictitiously
32. OF LIFE AND DEATH Life tends to Death, as Rivers to the Seas:
For Life is sweet, Death bitter, doth displease.
33. OF VULCAN Vulcan made splendid Arms for Mars his Breast,
Mars gave unt’ him a specious-spacious Crest:
Thou wert well paid O Vulcan for thy pains,
Horns for thine Iron; Wert such Glaucus gains.
34. AN ENGLISH GRAMMAR The Feminine doth unt’ It self design
What’s proper to the Gender Masculine.
35. FREE WILL Freedom of will, which is The worlds Contest,
Husbands have lost, but Wives have It possest.
36. OF LIFE AND LOVE Though ev’ry Action unt’ Its End doth tend,
Yet Life and Love abominate their End.
37. THE ELYSIAN FIELDS Through Hells dark-dismall Cell Aeneas walk’d
Into th’ Elysian Fields, as Poets talk’d:
For when He shot Elisa’s Gulph, who can
Deny, He was i’ th’ Fields Elysian?
38. AN HUSBAND, AND AN ADULTERER
The Husband I have A wife, others her Love: so rather
For Others not Themselves Bees Honey gather.
The Adulterer This Seed I rais’d, but in Anothers Field:
So Birds for Others, not Themselves do build.
39. NEW RHETORICK His Arguments, who Money wants, are sick:
Gifts Now, not words, are the New Rhetorick.
40. OF COTTA, LATELY MADE A MONK Cotta perplex’d with’s wife a Cucule* bought,
That dying He might die no Cuckold thought.* A monks hood.
41. GENEVA’S ARMS Geneva in her Ensign doth display
Th’ Imperial Eagle, and the Popedoms Key:
But how Geneva Them to keep dost hope,
Should Rodolph* claim his Bird, his Key the Pope?* The Emperour.
42. UPON THE TRIFLES OF BORBONIUS, A POET Thou Trifles thought’st not, what Thou so didst call:
I call Them not, but think Them Trifles All.
43. OF FAITH Not Faiths, but Faith is mention’d on Record:
For former Times did but one Faith afford.
44. OF PAULINUS, A PHYSICIAN Wherefore’s a sick Man call’d thy Patient,
Sith He’s impatient at thine Advent? (Since
By suff’ring He’s thy Patient, for He
Doth suffer more, than by’s disease, by Thee.
45. OF COTTULA If what Apollo said of One* be true,
Th’ art Wise: Thou knowst Thou Nothing knowst: Adieu.* Socrates.
46. OF FABIANA If Fields be fertile call’d that bear much Corn,
Then Fab’an’s fertile, for she hath many born.
47. A JOQUE UPON COVETOUS MEN The Vulgar, Nature pleas’d with little, praise,
And on the Covetous a Scandal raise:
Yet sole the Covetous pleas’d with least we see;
Nature Enough thinks little, Nothing He.
48. TO PHILOPATER Though for Ones Country noble ’tis to die,
Yet nobler ’tis to live for It, think I.
49. THE WORLD I’ th’ world’s no Constancy; All’s Circular:
What wonder Then no Rectitude is There?
50. OF ARETINO In All Things there’s a Mediocrity,
Excepting in the Thing call’d Venery:
Lust hath found out a thousand means, with Art
To do, what should be done on Natures part.
Th’art Atheist: For Papist Thou mayst not be, 51. OF SILIUS
And to b’ a Protestant disliketh Thee.
No House doth want Its Lord; shall Then (alone) 52. AGAINST ATHEISTS
This specious-spacious House the World have None?
53. A PHYSICIAN Physicians take Gold, but seldome give:
They Physick give, take none, yet healthy live.
A Diet They prescribe; the Sick must for’t
Give Gold; Each other Thus supply support.
54. OF LAWYERS Lawyers are prudent, provident beside,
For prudently They for Themselves provide.
55. A COURTIER If good, Thou mayst be better, but not greater:
If great, more great; not better, nor compleater.
56. TO MARCUS, A MONOCULIST Thou, Marcus, wantst an Eye; Enough’s one Eye:
Both Eyes may more, not better Things espye:
I have both Ears, but hear no Truth now told;
Both Eyes, but can with Them no good behold.
57. OF PAULUS Thou to preserve thy Fame, hast built thy Tomb:
As if that Tombs should not to ruine come.
58. A SECRET AGAINST GREY HAIRS. TO BITHYNICUS Lest in old Age thine hairs should silver’d be,
Thy youth hath made Thee bald: O happy Thee!
59. OF THEODORE Thou newly married didst think th’ hadst found
A narrow Passage to the Starry Round:
But that New Passage led t’ another Road,
T’a lower, not the straight way, but the broad.
60. OF APOLLO AND THE MUSES The Muses Femes, Apollo’s Masculine:
For One Apollo’s worth the Muses Nine.
61. OF ALANUS, GROWN OLD His Cubit with Wives Cubit measuring,
Alanus said, “O sweet concubiting!”
62. THE CALENDS OF JANUARY. OF OLUS AND QUINTUS To th’ Rich Ole gives not, lest his Gifts ask more;
Nor to the Poor, because Himself is poor.
But Quintus gives expecting that by shift,
For what He durst not ask, a better Gift.
63. OF PONTIA One wish’d All cuckolds cast i’ th’ Sea, but t’ Him
HIs Wife thus said, “Learn (Husband) first to Swim.”
64. A WORK OF DARKNESS ’Tis to preserve the Species a profit,
But th’ Individuum’s th’ Opposer of it.
65. THOU LYEST Beware, t’ a Souldier give not the Lye:
He takes it for the great’st Indignity:
Ye that the Lye for such Disgrace esteem,
Why then to Lye so great a grace d’ye deem?
66. OF AN HYPOCRITE Thou wilst now swear, ’tis Sin: but thou wilt Lye:
Is this Religion or Hypocrisie?
67. ANDROGYNUS Who Venus-like, and Mercury’s in sight,
Nor Man nor Woman, ’s an Hermaphrodite.
68. VENUS Love like the Sea doth flow, doth Ebb again:
What wonder? For Venus sprung from the Main.
No Trust’s in Her, she’s light, and placed (with Mars)
Among the Planets, not the fixed Stars.
69. OF RIVALS Each unt’ himself would Phillis have, but There
Doth more of Envy than of Love appear.
70. A WOMAN A woman from man’s Womb was fram’d: but Eve
Did from Mans Bone, not Flesh, her Form receive.
71. THE ALLIANCE OF PHYSICIANS AND LAWYERS Physicians and Lawyers in their Trade
Are like, their gain of others losses made.
To Patients Those, to Clients These apply
Their helping hand, but help themselves thereby.
72. OF PAMPHILUS, TO PHILIPPE Nature doth no Vacuities admit:
Pamph’ therefore as his Leader follows It.
73. TO ONE BALD Leaves to the Trees, and Grass returns to Ground:
But not one hair on thy bald pate is found.
74. NILUS IN THE EYES, AETNA IN THE HEART Cold Nilus entred hath my burning Eiyes,
Mine Heart with Aetna’s Flames inflamed fryes:
No Floods of Tears can quench so great a Fire,
Nor burning Love can make those Floods retire;
So though discording Fire and Water be,
Concording yet They shew their force in me.
75. CAETERIS PARIBUS (THE REST ALIKE). OF CAMILLA Two Suiters did Camilla love and Court;
One beautiful, in Stature yet but short:
That other not so fair, but taller prov’d.
The Maid b’ing ask’d which of them best she lov’d,
She looking on the Taller, when she spies
His Nose, Arms, Leggs, Feet, all of longest size,
She thus, or Impudent, or prudent spake,
“If all be like, I will this long Man take.”
76. OF GYANTS AND DWARFS Giants and Dwarfs are Monsters in their Forms,
Those are like Elephants, and these like Worms.
77. OF AN ABBOT’S TWO BASTARDS When in the Temple with the rest you pray,
You two, not fictly, “Abba Father” say. (Falsely
78. OF PRIESTS Priests wedded are: what thereby gain they more?
They had as much of that in Tenths before. (Tithes
79. A PARTICIPLE A Verb if Eras, Mus a Noun’s declin’d,
What is Erasmus let the Reader find.
80. A CASE. TO THE LAWYERS A Man lies with a Wife, which is his own
Whom he suppos’d Anothers, till ’twas known:
Whether the Child by such mistake begot,
Be spurious, legitimate, or not?
81. OF THE MORNING Dost wonder why the Light’s expatiated
I’ th’ Morn before the Sun? ’Twas First created.
82. OF THE DAY Though Night than Argus be more full of Eyes,
The Day’s One Eye more clearly things descries.
83. OF THE NIGHT Why doth dark Night put on her black Array?
It Widow-like mourns for departed Day:
Should not the Stars inlighten mourning Night,
Grief would oppress us e’re the Mornings light.
84. TO MARCUS Thy Verses praise Me, but I think because
I should thy Verses praise with mine Applause.
85. OF DEATH Thieves shall restore their Theft, Robbers their Prey,
But nothing Death; For Death takes All away.
86. TO HIS FRIEND Half of thy Dear, whom Thou dost dearly love,
Sith th’ art, and Half thine own, how Mine dost Prove? (Since
Yet writ’st thy self still Mine: while having thine
Own Wife, are scarce thine own, how cans’t be Mine?
87. A GOOD MAN If what Rare’s preclare, and of Account, (Distinguished, outstanding
A good Man doth all Rarities surmount.
88. OF A CERTAIN OLD MAN Thy Beard once black, Age hath made white: thy Mind
Once white’s now black; once candid, now’s unkind.
89. OF PAULINUS When I thy Friend a Boon from Thee would borrow,
Thine Answer is, It shall be done to Morrow:
Wilt that I Thanks condigne should Thee repay?
Thou shalt have Thanks to Morrow, not to day.
90. OF PAINTED LADIES You that your Faces paint, may well, nay must
With Flaccus* say, we Shadows are and Dust.* Horace.
91. OF COTTA Thy Wives Thou Wholly, but not solely art:
She’s solely Thine, not wholly, but in part.
92. A POLITICIAN Dissemble, Feign: Thy Self comport-comply
With Humours, with the Times: ’tis Policy.
If Thou be wise, thy Self comply-comport
To serve the Times, that Times may serve Thee for’t.
93. OF VENUS Why follow Venus Mars his lawless Flame?
Because t’ his lawful Venus Vulcan’s lame.
94. OF MARINUS None can Two Masters serve (without disaster)
But Thou Two Mistresses dost serve, no Master.
95. OF MARCUS Thy Beard doth grow, thine hairs from head do fall:
Grave bearded, but light-headed th’ art withal.
96. A NEW YEAR’S GIFT. JANUARY 1 1603. TO DOMINUS JOHN HOSKIN When I convers’d with Thee (my Friend instil’d) (Styled, denominated
Youth at Oxon,* Winton as a Child:**
Oft without doubts, in doubts I found thy love,
Your Friendship without Fraud I oft did prove:
So that thy Love, which then thou shew’d to Me,
Commands, commends These grateful Lines to Thee.* New Colledge in Oxford. ** Winchester Colledge where the Scholars are called Children.
97. OF DEATH. TO EPICHARMUS Why wouldst not die, but yet be dead? O why
Wouldst without dying, Epicharmus, die?
Grief bringeth Death; Death Grief extinguisheth:
Grief therefore (Epicharmus) is worse than Death.
98. OF PHYLLIS Parthians in their Flight shoot, wound their Foe,
And Lovers, Phyllis, fleeing, woundeth so.
99. OF HALLUS THE GRAMMATICASTER “I famous am when fasting, but when full,
I’m,” saith Hallus, “Infamous and dull.”
100. OF THE LOADSTONE At Court Magnates Gold to Them attract,
As Iron the Magnetes All exact:
I’le not deal with Such, in Asking learn’d,
In giving slack, in Taking most concern’d:
All to Them go, none from them come again,
Gifts I nill ask them, lest I ask in vain. (Refuse to
101. OF DEATH You ask what’s Death? till dead I not know Vere,*
Come to Me then, I will resolve thy Quere. (Query* Certainly.
102. OF CLIENTS Clients before a Thief run singing home,
As from the City Money-less they come.
103. TO ZOILUS When I bad Manners check, thou carp’st at Me,
As conscious for reprehending Thee.
Why fear’st thou more than others? I perhaps
Blaming bad Manners, blame mine own Relapse.
104. CHILDREN AND FOOLS TELL TRUTH Our Proverb calls Truth tellers Fools: What then?
Is’t Folly to tell Truth in English Men?
105. TO ONE BALD-HEADED Thy Front had certain Measure, till a blast,
I know not of what Wind thy Leaves off cast:
Thy Front hath sithence All thine Head ingrost, (Since
And is perpetual at last, not lost:
Thou canst not tell the largeness of thy Front,
No Trust is therefore to be built upon’t.
106. TO THE SAME Mine hairs I cannot number, ’cause so many:
Nor canst Thou number thine, because not any.
107. FORTUNES APOLOGY Dame Fotune doth an equiballance bear, (Equilibrium
Shee fills the Poor with Hope, the Rich with Fear.
108. ON COTTA Cotta the Stews advent’ring in, return’d
T’ his house (’tis said) with something that was burn’d.
109. ON PROCILLUS, A NOBLE-MAN If thou to Lyers wouldst not lend thine Ear,
None with a Lye before Thee durst appear.
110. TO PAULUS, A LAWYER Between thy self and Wife thou dost disjoyn
The year, so that scarce Half is wholly Thine:
One part’s thy Wives, Vacation calld’ t’ apply
Thy Wives Vocation, or Vacuity.
That other part’s not wholly thine; thy Bride
Neglected, Thou by Clients art employ’d.
This Part o’ th’ year the Term is call’d, and why?
Because it Terminates thy Venery.
111. TO THE SAME No Terms determine, no Vacation’s vain,
Thou wholly Vacant art by Strifes to gain.
112. TO MARINUS As oft as from the Bed thy wife doth rise
Untouch’d by Thee, her Nails assault thine Eyes:
Thou speak’st her Fair, but words in vain proceed,
She must be pleas’d in doing of the Deed.
113. A CHIRURGION Shall I with Wars, or Peace? Each serves for me:
Fierce Mars, fair Venus, both my Patrons be.
114. THE VENETIAN DISEASE My country’s Italy, my Parents Gauls,
’Tis doubt which of those Names to me befalls.
115. BACK-BITERS, FLATTERERS One* said, The Snow was Black; an Author said:
This Age hath Many seen as sad, as bad:
The Fox a Crow’s white Feathers prais’d: Ah me,
How many Foxes in this Age have we!* Anaxagoras.
116. TO PONTICUS Thou said’st thou would’st repent: I scarce believe Thee,
For I did never yet so wise perceive Thee.
117. A THIRTEENTH HERCULEAN LABOUR To tame a shrewd Wives Tongue, and haughty mind,
A Thirteenth Labour Hercules would find.
118. MARS, MORS. WAR, DEATH War bringeth Dearth, Dearth Death to Men on Earth;
War therefore’s worse than either Death or Dearth.
Our Troubles War begins, Death finisheth,
In War small distance is ’twixt Dearth and Death.
119. TO CYNTHIA O that thy Feats were like thy Feature: And
O that thine Heart were candid like thine Hand.
120. TO GELLIA In secret sins thou think’st thy self secure;
Though Nothing’s done in secret that’s impure.
121. OF ALBINUS A friend Albinus meeting said, “Retire
Thine shakes, for O thy Neighbours Wall’s on Fire.” (Shingles
Albinus hasting home, his wife did take
In th’ Act. “O Now,” quoth He, “my Wall doth shake.”
122. OF CLAUDIUS, A PHILOSOPHASTER Sick, Claudius, poor, foolish, parts by’s Art
Good in Three Parts; but of Them hath no Part.
123. OF BARDELLA, A THIEF AT MANTUA A Monk the Thief Bardella judg’d to die
Thus Comforted, “O thou shalt Sup on high”:
Bardella then reply’d, “I fast this day,
Please you to Sup There in my Place, you may.”
124. OF FLITTING FLORA In thy Coition thou didst boast thine Act,
Thy boasting was more sinful than thy Fact.
125. OF QUINTILLUS He nothing gives t’ his Friend, but liberal
T’ his Friendless, gives Himself, his Wealth, his All.
126. TO AULUS, OF OLD QUINTIUS Though Quintius a young wild Wife did Wed,
Why senst an Epithalamy t’ his Bed?
An Epitaphy were fitter to confer:
For his own Grave he digg’d in Bedding her.
127. OF COSTUS Thou sinn’st impunely, but thy Fore-man paid ( With impunity (Penis
Thy Pennance with his Head: ’twas burn’d, ’tis said.
128. AN ANSWER TO CYNTHIA’S LETTER Thy Paper’s white, thy Letter’s black within:
This doth denote thine Heart, and that thy Skin.
129. OF SEXTILIAN, A BASTARD Not to Create Thee, but to recreate
Himself, thy Father thee begot (’twas Fate).
If Givers Minds than Gifts b’ accepted rather,
Thou dost not owe thy Life unto thy Father.
130. OF PORCIA, AN HYPOCRITT Thou, ’cause my Book a Fore-man Names, doest flout it: (Penis
Books Thou wouldst have, but not a Man without it.
131. OF SATURNS THREE SONS Divines, Physicians, Lawyers; These Three
Do regulate the World in their degree.
132. OF A SINGLE LIFE. TO A MARRIED FRIEND Woe to the sole, said He,* that had a Wife:
Saint Paul doth much Commend a single Life.
That, Woe unt’ us, saith: This, but Woe to Me:**
That’s double, This but single Woe can be.* Solomon, Eccles. ** A Welch Proverb Gwelli iw guai si, na gua ni, that is, Better is woe to me than woe to us.
133. TO I. CORNEUS Hear, mark, be silent: he whose Feminine
Is wanton, to these three must most incline.
134. OF CAIUS When Caius was accus’d of Bigamy,
Confessing, he professing did reply,
A Bishop Husband of One wife may be:
May not a Lay-man then have Two or Three?
135. OF POMPONIA She’s punctual, her self that prostitutes:
Because with profit, pleasure she commutes.
136. OF PINOTUS, SICK WITH THE COLICK Thy Life was sav’d by breathing out thy Breath:
That was thy LIfe which proves unt’ others Death.
137. OF POMPONIA A Plume of Feathers brave Pomponia wears:
What Mars his Ensign was now Venus bears.
As Mars his favour She doth wear’t, that she
May shew how friendly Mars and Venus be.
138. SUUM CUIQUE PULCHRUM.* TO H. L. Thou lov’st thy Neighbours wife, he thine doth love:
So that ones own doth not still pleasing prove.* Cic. Tuscul. Quaest. lib. 5
139. VENUS Sith Venus is expos’d to sale like Wine, (Since
Why hangs there not before her door a Sign?
140. TO MARINUS. DIFFICILIA QUAE PULCHRA If difficult what’s fair, on this Result
Tace Facile thou, give me the Difficult.
141. TO THEODORUS By th’ now-new Law thou maist not wed, what then?
By th’ old thou maist without offending men.
But twice ’gainst Moses Law* th’ hast done amiss,
Thy first wife was a whore, a widow this.* Levit. c. 21 v. 7, 13 et 14.
142. THE CALENDS OF JANUARY. TO GERMANICUS Instead of Gifts I Verses send to thee:
Send Gifts instead of Verses unto Me.
143. SARA She that her Maid would unt’ her Husband give,
As did rare Sara, now doth rarely live.
144. TO D. T. Thy Titles, Scholars Servant, Masters Lord,
Mine Envy and my Pity both afford.
145. OF PAULA, AN ATHEIST Whether a Man two Wives, or Husbands two
A Maid should have, ’twas ask’d: This knot t’ undo,
Thus Paula said, “A Maid two Men should have,
Else how can two consist in one Concave?”
146. IN MEDIO VIRTUS Between two Men a pompous Woman sate,
Vertue the middle Place hath lost of late.
147. OF ACERRA “He’s blest, whom other’s Horns have made afraid,”
Unwedded A’cer oft t’ his Father said.
148. TO PINOTUS Dost ask, What I would have a Feminine?
Not Venale, Vendible I would have Mine.
149. OF QUINTUS AND QUINTINA Quintus his Wifes Intreaties for Commands,
Her words for Laws, her Beck for Statute stands:
She leads, she drives at will, the silly Sot,
As if she had an Husband, and had not:
’Gainst Nature, Laws, Arts Rules: Grammarian
Avaunt: For Here’s He Woman, and She Man.
150. A PARADOX. TO HIS ABSENT MISTRESS I burn with Love: And I the more am burn’d,
The more remote from me the Fire is turn’d.
151. OF PAULINA False to the First, false to the second Bed:
Both void, She liv’d unblam’d-unblemished,
Not for the fear of Sin; but fear of Shame
Preferr’d Her without Blemish, without Blame:
Though many did her treat, did her intreat,
She granted unto none the Vacant Seat.
152. OF GELLIA If it be Simony to Merchandize,
And at a price Things consecrate to prize,
We well may call thee Simoniacal,
Who sellest Love, For Love’s Spiritual.
153. OF A CERTAIN WOMAN In small time how immense thy Things did grow!
Of late but Omicron, Omega now.
154. AENIGMA Tell where that Creature is, on Hill, or Vale,
Whose Father Female, Mother is a Male?
155. TO PONTICUS That Both thine Eyes thou hast I wonder: Why?
Because thy Parents Each had but One Eye.
156. OF D. VITUS I know not whether Horn’d, I know (by signes)
That th’ art a Bull, having Three Vitulines. (Calves
157. OF A DACTYLE. TO A CERTAIN LOVER Wouldst with a pleasing Verse thy Mistris Court?
’T were fit to know what Feet should it support:
Of all the Measures which a Verse do summon,
The Dactyle Measure best delights a woman.
158. OF LOVE DESCENDING From th’ Eyes Love riseth, by the Mouth descends
Into Love’s Center, where It hath it’s Ends.
159. OF BALBA Balba, leave taking of her Spouse, said Thus,
“Phi-Philip you’ld I hope soon-soon be with us.”
160. OF THEFT. A PROBLEM, TO LAWYERS Who takes a thing, nilling his Lord, ’s a Thief: (Unwilling
But what if’s Lordess in that Act be Chief?
161. OF PONTICUS Of Promise thou dost no Performance make:
Physician-like, who gives not, yet saith Take.
162. OF CERELLIA, MARRIED TO AN EUNUCH Now to the Spartane Customs I agree,
That Men, Maids, when they wed should naked be:
For Cerill having late espous’d a Frank,
Thinking to gain a Prize, got but a Blank.
163. OF HORNS. A PROBLEM When any Wife betrays the Marriage Bed,
Why wears her Husband Horns? Because he’s Head.
164. TO GERMANICUS. CALENDS OF JANUARY Or give m’ a Gift, my Verses or restore,
Which I on that condition gave before.
165. CHRIST-CHURCH COLLEDGE IN OXFORD Though this imperfect House to ruine tend,
Its large Quadrangle yet doth it commend.
166. OF PHYLLIS Phyllis pretends my Verse her Fancy moves;
She loves a Verse, but something more she loves.
167. TO SAMUEL DANIEL I spend the Time in Trifles, and in Folly:
Thus lest my Time be lost, I lose it wholly.
168. TO THE READER. OF HIMSELF My Brevity perchance seems Sloth t’imply:
Believe me no small labour’s Brevity:
I not as some, speak much in foolish sort:
Perhaps my Speech is foolish, but ’tis short.
169. OF BOASTING THRASO Why doth Sir Thraso wear great Spurs? Because
Glory doth wear great Spurs to gain Applause.
170. OF HIMSELF Ask, saith Saint James, it will be given thee:
O that King James would say the same to me.
171. COURT MUSICK CONSISTING OF TWO VOICES The Favourite’s advanc’d, and Elah sings:
Another, all his Tunes t’ a Cadence brings.
172. TO THE READER Lest this my Book should make Tobaco vapour,
Wipe rather thy Posteriours with my Paper.
173. TO HIS BOOK My Book, Me living, thou maist die perhaps:
What then? A Child doth oft to death elapse
Before his Father: So then, whether I
Survive Thee, or Thou me, We both must die.