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ACT II, SCENE i
A COOKE

A cooke missinge a silver spoone, which yet unawares hee carries with him in his hatt, purposes to goe to the witche for the recoverie thereof.

COOKE I heare that Grinco’s gone unto the court
To seeke the devill there. Soe speede him well.
And I am now to seeke the witche his mother, spacer390
That I may now of her whoe is the thief
Has stolne from mee a silver spoone this night.
For I heare saie that by the devills means
Witches knowe much. But see, here commeth Grinco,
And whatsoev’r hee ailes in noe meane hast. spacer395
Staie, Grinco, staie thee. Wherefore flyes thou, man?
Is any hurt befalne thee? What’s the matter?

bar

ACT II, SCENE ii
GRINCO, COOKE

Grinco, haveing tould the cooke what befell him att the court in seekeinge the devill, promisses, for a break-fast, to helpe him to his lost spoone againe. First therefore, bidding him stand with his eyes shutt, hee gives him a boxe on the eare. Then, haveing blackt his face with soote, hee makes him knocke his head against the wall. Lastlye hee restores him his spoone and sends him home backe egregiouslye deluded.

GRIN. Two things have allwaies been much harme to mee,
The one to have a witch unto my mother,
The other to bee house-mate with the devill. spacer400
For from my mother noething doe I gett
But an ill name and loathed povertie,
And from the devill what maie I expect
But emptie smoke? Noe gaine at all, but losse,
And there’s a proverbe tells me of this evill, spacer405
Hee needes a large spoone eateth with the devill. blue
But now Ile tell thee why I made such hast.
I thinck th’ast heard how I ha beene att court.
There, sirra, have I spent two houres at the least
In seekinge for one flea, a hott fire burne him. spacer410
For hee is such a skippinge kynde of creature,
Now here, now there, and as’t were ev’rye where.
I wud that I were deade if I cud fynde him.
COOKE But prethee wherefore didst thou seeke court fleas?
Hads thou not countrie fleas enowe at home? spacer415
GRIN. I thought it was the devill in that same shape
I sought, but found allmost as greate an evill.
COOKE What evill prethee was it?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerMarie, Death.
COOKE And howe?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerNow marke mee, for I come to th’ matter.
Soone as I came to th’ court, I ’monge the weomen spacer420
(Ladies they cal’de them), there I lookte about
If I cud ’spie at whose eare sate this flea
(For thou must understand my mother badd mee
To seeke there onely for him, and I did soe).
At last one of the noblest weomen to my seeminge spacer425
I saw had sitting closse at her left eare
A huge black flea, as bigg as any pismure,
And for his breadth thou never sawe louse broader.
Well then, this ladie I drew neare unto,
Came closse up to her syde, and bowed my heade spacer430
As if I wud ha spoken in her eare.
Shee, sentinge [scenting] by and by I knowe not what,
But somewhat of my breath shee did not lyke
(For I indeed, I must confesse, had eaten
Garlick but hard before, and fastinge too), spacer435
Cry’de out, “Phy, what filthie smell is here?”
A courtier and a gallant, neare att hand
In brave attire, his heade most neatlie curled,
Ans, as it seem’d, was her professed servant,
Heard her cry “Phy,” and being therewith moved, spacer440
Thincking belyke I wud a kist his sweete-hart,
What thinkst thou dus-a but lifts up his fist
And att my backe assailes mee. There I surlie
Had had my braines knockte out, but that the woman
That thought shee had too muche of my strong breath, spacer445
Put to her nose her hand, whereby I, fearing
Shee wud ha giv’n mee on the face with it,
Stoopte quicklie with my heade downe tow’rds the floore
To scape the blowe, as I thought, was a-comminge,
And thereby sav’de my selfe from th’ other daunger. spacer450
For the mans fist, by this means missing mee,
Hitt her a grievous blowe upon the face
And felld her allmost dead unto the ground.
COOKE Mee thincks now I cud aptlyie take this woman
For a yonge cowe, the courtier for the butcher, spacer455
And that his fist for th’ axe that knockte her downe.
GRIN. Soe then there wanted onely but the cooke.
COOKE Wherto the cooke, I prethee?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer For this use,
To salt and season this same ladie-woman. spacer460
COOKE On with thy tale, for yet thou hadst noe hurte.
GRIN. I, as I was then heade bent downe,
Fledd in all hast, and thereby heedleslie
Cast downe another woman standinge by,
Whoe with her fall struck lykewyse downe a third. spacer465
This slaughter thus committed, all began
To crye upon the clowne. I to my heeles,
And thereupon soem smil’de and some laught out.
The courtier, hee neare madd with shame and anger,
Made after me amaine, and threat’ned sore spacer470
To bee my death. And now approached nighe mee,
When I awaie with all the speed I could.
But marke the good luck on’t. Hee, followeing mee
(As I have tould thee) unadvisedly,
Light upon one of them laie on the ground, spacer475
And stumbling ranne his heade against the wall.
Soe att the length I, having gott awaie
Farr enough off from him, I kept my waie
With the first speede, nor ever lookte behynde mee
Till I came hither, and I thinck I thredd it. blue spacer480
Thus maist thou see here what mischievous evill
Befalls him, seekes these court fleas or the devill.
COOKE Three weoman and one man th’ast killed this daie.
What wilt thou now doe?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerMarie, I will eate
Twice as much meate as I doe other daies, spacer485
For a reward of this my matchless valour.
But what makes theee abroade now? Whither goes thou?
COOKE As thou, to seeke the devill.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Prethee then
Seeke him for mee too, whiles I seeke thy shopp.
COOKE What to doe there?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerBut to provide m’ a break-fast. spacer490
COOKE And thou shalt have one, if thou’lt tell me one thing.
GRIN. Ile tell thee any thinge. Come nowe, propound it.
COOKE Well then, where maie I fynde my silver spoone
I lost last night?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacer How? Lett mee viewe thee better.
Turne thee about.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Loke theee, I turne m’about. spacer495
GRIN. Nay more yett. Soe, enoughe. Wilt stand yet firmely
Unto thy promis?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerFaith I cannot stand,
I am soe giddie.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerNow shutt closse thyne eyes.
COOKE I doe.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerDoe hard, I saie.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerWhy soe I doe.
GRIN. I take thy hatt off nowe, dust yet see noethinge? spacer500
COOKE H0w can I see? I wincke as hard as may bee.
GRIN. THen dust thou well, thou shalt see presently.
Now feeles thou nothing?
COOKE spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Oh, oh yes, too muche.
GRIN. Well then, that all’s right. And now I wash thy face,
Smells thou not something?
COOKE. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Foh, ’tis soote I thinke. spacer505
GRIN. All cookes shud soe be smear’de. Come follow me.
COOKE Oh, I ha broke my heade.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerPish, what the good ’ere? blue
Cudst thou not smell this wall? Open thyne eyes
And see what’s here.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerMy spoone, I see.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Here, take it,
’Tis thine.
COOKEspacerspacerO Grinco, what doe I know owe thee? spacer510
GRIN. Marie a break-fast, and I trowe a larger
“Than ever Milo eats. blue
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerI’ll have one for thee.
Ile goe and make it readie.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerI wud ha thee
Bring’t to our house. Whither it’s not bee longe,
But Ile returne, by favour of the devill. spacer515
COOKE It shallbee done.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerNow Ile go hyde my selfe,
For I’me afraid some courtier hunts me hither.

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ACT II, SCENE iii
THE DEVILL, GRINCO

The devill in the forme of a woman and houlding a lookeinge glasse in his hand meetes Grinco, with whom being reconcyled hee setteth towards the witch.

DE. Ha. ja. What fine sport have I made todaie?
What laughters have I moov’de! How many waies
Have I put jests on Grinco my companion! spacer520
GRIN. Companion quotha! Nay the dev’ll th’art
And a most treach’rous one. How faine wud I
(Thinck yow, I praie yow, and but thinck the trueth on’t)
Bee ridd of this knaves hellish company.
DE. But nowe my mynde runnes on another matter, spacer525
Devising other subtilties and traines.
I therefore have assum’de on mee a habit
Fitt to deceave. For weomen-kynde are ever
With guiles best furnisht, and therein persever.
I’me goeinge to Grampogna whoe, I heare, spacer530
Needeth my helpe, as I doe neede hers often,
To harme folke by her witch-craft and the lyke.
But if myne eyes deceave mee not, I see
Grinco not farr of.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerSoe, soe, I perceave
The slave has smell’d mee out.
DE. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Come out here, Grinco. spacer535
GRIN. Goe, get thee gone, thou raskall with a mischief.
DE. Why soe, good Grinco?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerDust aske brazen-face?
Hast thou not made a foole of mee todaie?
DE. Ha, ha. Come, leave thy anger, lett’s bee freinds.
What ev’r befell, I’me sure thou had noe hurt, spacer540
I tooke good heed of that.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerThis cheating devill
In this saies true indeede. For what befell mee
Was all to others hurt, and none of myne.
Thou woman-devill! Cnst doe this again?
DE. Doe what againe?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Tell trueth. For whoe wud thincke spacer540
The devill any time cud bee noe lier.
DE. Nay, saie a lawier, when thou saies no lyer.
For as doe Lawiers, often soe doe I
Speake false, but sometymes truth to gaine thereby.
GRIN. But tell mee why thou takes a womans shape? red spacer545
DE. To worke on men.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerWhat men art wont to worke on?
DE. Men nice and wanton, giv’n to wine and ease.
Most-what on fooles, someymes the wyse, I feare.
GRIN. Awaie. Will any bee soe foolish-wyese
(Thinckest tou) to touche upon the promontories spacer550
Of that vast gulphie-ocean-mouth of thine?
DE. Why not? I see thou art not reade in man.
Hee’s runne his fortunes on’t, and spend his heath
In expectacion of a flowing wealth.
O that’s it, sirra, makes men love me hugelie, spacer555
Admire mee, praise this prettie corps of myne,
Commend these goulden haires.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Those snakie locks.
DE. This even forehead.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer As a camells backe.
DE. These smoothe eye-browes.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerAs brisled as a swine spacer560
DE. These heav’n-like gratious eyes.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerHell-lyke ungratious.
DE. This super-artificiall stillitorie. blue
GRIN. A nose beyond the horn’d rhinocerote. red
DE. These corrall lipps.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer As if they had wypte chymneis.
DE. This mouth soe sweete.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerAs is a stincking jakes. spacer565
DE. These well compact-round teeth.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerLike unto millstones.
DE. Lastlie this faire-well-favour’d hinder-end.
GRIN. A very dunghill sincke.
DE. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerWhat more?
GRIN. Takes the glasse from him.spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerNoe more.
Nay, whooh, noe more. Th’ has prais’d they self enoughe.
DE. I tell thee, sirra, there’s noe part of mee spacer570
But is well worthie to be sett to viewe.
GRIN. Lett’s goe then, least the weomen here that viewe thee
Envie thou shouldst bee such a spectacle.

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ACT II, SCENE iv
CHRYSOCANCRIO, DEATH, CRANCUS

Ould Chrysocancrio, perceaving Death to bee sparinge, takes him into his service. Crancus, being hungrie, intends to goe to the witches howse and there to robb her of her vittailes.

CHRYS. Bringe mee a chaire that I maie sitt mee downe.
Uh, uh, come hither both. Now tell mee, fellowe, spacer575
What is thy name?
DEATHspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerMy name is Thanatus.
CHRYS. Oh, Thanatus? Saie, Crancus, is it soe?
CRAN. It is indeed, sir, certainelie.
CHRYS. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerUh, uh.
Shewe mee thy hands.
DEATHspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Behould, sir, here are bones,
I have noe hands.
CHRYS. spacerspacerspacerspacerThou willt not bee a thiefe then. spacer580
Crancus, saist thou soe too?
CRAN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerNoe truelie I,
For I have hands, and yett I doe not see
What I can be a thief for.
CHRYS. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Thanatus,
When didst thou eate?
DEATHspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerNever, I use it not.
CHRYS. Crancus, saist thou soe too?
CRAN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerTrie, if yow please, spacer585
For I saie too, I never use it not.
CHRYS. How dust thou live then, if thou never eatest?
DEATH On other mens diseases and theire harmes.
CHRYS. Then th’art an usurer.
CRAN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerThen lyke to yow.
CHRYS. When dyes you then?
DEATHspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerWhen none are lefte alive. spacer590
CHRYS. I wud I might live after thee awhyle!
CRAN. Soe wud I after yow.
CHRYS. Tell mee, how often
Dust use to praie?
DEATHspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerBut once, and verie late.
CHRYS. What praier is’t thou uses.
DEATHspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerFrom the depths spacer595
I call to thee. blue
CHRYS. spacerspacerCrancus, what praier thou?
CRAN. I lift my heart to thee. blue
CHRYS. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerTo the crosse or the jibbett? |
CRAN. Your gould and silver crosses I doe meane. blue
CHRYS. Canst lye upon the ground without a bedd?
DEATH Or cov’ringe eyther, sir.
CHRYS. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerI see thou knowes spacer600
Well what is fitt. Crancus, does thou soe too?
CRAN. I never knew, sir, there was witt in that.
CHRYS. Canst thou looke well to all my goods?
DEATHspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Yes, sir.
Ile ease your further care of them.
CRAN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerThat is,
You shall not neede to care for them at all. spacer605
CHRYS. Thou pleases mee right well. But tell me knowe,
What wage will’t have to doe all this thou saist?
DEATH None, sir.
CHRYS. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerA profitable servaunt truelie!
Hoe was’t procur’d thee for mee?
DEATHspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerScombrio
Your sonne.
CRAN. spacerspacerAnd I, sir, Crancus, your ould servuant. spacer610
CHRYS. And I commend yow highelie for it both,
But thee (my Thanatus) above the rest,
Th’art onelie hee that gives mee best content.
For thou willt serve mee well and att noe coste.
Besydes, thou ha’st noe hands to filtche and steale, spacer615
Nor needes thou any cloathes to putt upon theee.
Noething thou eat’st, nor praies much to breede scruples.
Thou willt not shortlie dye, nor goe to bedd. red
Will use my goods well, and yet take noe wages.
O happie I, it was my chaunce to light spacer620
On such as a servant as I wud ha wisht.
Here, take my keyes, thou shalt command my howse.
See now thou give noe almes, have noe compassion
On any pore. Moreover take good heede
Thou suffer noe man come into my house. spacer625
Shutt all the windores closse, that not a thief
Maie once looke in, nor buye thou any thinge.
Lett these same words bee banisht, I know tell thee,
“To breake ones faste,” “to dyne,” “suppe,” and the lyke,
Yea, ev’n “to drincke,” as much as possible spacer630
But for a neede sometymes a little water.
Noe other foode doe I allowe, unlesse
Such as good happ shall of it selfe present yow,
As myce and ratts. Those maie yow flaie alive,
Then eate them boyled or roste as yow thincke good. spacer635
CRAN. But what, sir , will yow have done with the skinnes?
CHRYS. Let them bee kept, they’le serve perhaps some use.
Yet this more I allow as not unpleasant,
To taste of flease or lyce, especiallie
Upon a fastinge stomack, and to sucke spacer640
The bloude from the againe they drawe from us.
CRAN. ’Twere better, sir. I thinck, these murd’roius vermine
Had theire just death between a paire of nailes.
CHRYS. Well, heres enough at this tyme for instruction,
And for the rest, I doubt not, Thanatus, spacer645
But thou willt take it eas’lie of thy selfe.
Come followe thou mee in.
DEATHspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerSir, at your service.
CRAN. But soe’s not I, sir. Naye, I will awaie.
Hange mee if I muche feare not Deathe himselfe red
Will by this monster of mankynde be kill’de, spacer650
And shortlie too. What call I him but monster?
Naie I maie saie hee’s the most barbarous,
Inhumane, vile, and mis’rablest ould wretche
That any man at any time ev’r heard on.
But nowe let mee consider of my selfe. spacer655
I hitherto am fastinge, and besides,
For anie thinge I yet knowe, lyke to bee,
Unless I cast some better to provide
For mee and for my gutts then yett I have.
Then first of all, what waie this maie bee done spacer660
Is to bee thought upon. Unto oure howse
Is not the waie you heare, and I knowe feelinglie
There’s noething there, where not soe muche is spared
As a pore flea or louse, What may then, Crancus?
Saie nowe what waie. Soe — This I am resolv’d on. spacer665
Ile breake some howse and bravelie venture on
Some gamon of good baconne, or what else
I best maie light on there to fill my bellie.
But let me see — The witche Grampogna’s house
Is here hard by. Well, thither will I goe, spacer670
And first Ile viewe well all the waies into it.
Then will I have, spite of the devills teethe,
My breake-fast there. But see, some one comes here
As if hee wud goe to the witches howse.
Masse, by his face hee seemes a blackamore. spacer675
Ile stop aside and harken what hee would.

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ACT II, SCENE v
THE COOKE

The cooke, being blackt with soote, as it is said, by Grinco, brings him a breake-fast, according to promis, to the witches howse

COOKE Ev’r since the tyme I gott my spoone againe
I doe believe I quite have lost my selfe.
For all I meete doe flye the sight of mee
As if I were the devill. What’s the cause spacer680
That soe they doe I wonder not a little.
I in myselfe perceive noe change at all,
And owtwardlie mee thincks Ime as I was.
Now, as I promid’d Grinco, I have brought
A breake-fast for him to his mothers howse. spacer685
And see how fitlie shee her selfe comes forth.
Ile leave it with her as hee bad mee doe.

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ACTS II, SCENE vi
GRAMPOGNA, THE COOKE

The witche, takinge the cooke for her devill and familiar, doth not believe him denyeing it and affirminge himselfe to be a cooke, but takes him in with her.

GRAM. Mee thincks I see here my familiar devill
Granbufo. Hoe, how chaunc’te thou comes soe late?
COOKE Soe late? Why, breake-fase tyme is not yet past. spacer660
GRAM. I did expect thee sooner.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer I might needes
First make this readie.
GRAM. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerWhat?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer This breake-fast here.
GRAM. Breake-fast! For whom?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerLooke yow, for your sonne Grinco.
GRAM. As though forsooth thou wert become a cooke!
COOKE What shud I bee but what I am?
GRAM. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerTh’ art merrie. spacer665
Where left thou Grinco?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerWith ye dev’ll, I trowe.
GRAM. I marvell then I see not him here with thee.
COOKE Why, hee sent mee before.
GRAM. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Then with the devill
Thou left him not.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerYou saie true. I remember
Now verie well hee had not found him then. spacer670
GRAM. Thou didst not see him then?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerYes mee, I said,
But not the devill had hee found as then.
GRAM. Goe, goe. I knowe full well thou art my devill.
COOKE What’s that? D’ee thincke there is no difference
Betwixt the devill and a cooke?
GRAM. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Maie bee blue spacer675
Perhaps in seas’ninge what they work upon,
But ’twixt thee and the devill there’s noe difference.
COOKE What doe yow meane, Grampogna?
GRAM. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerAt the most
There will but ryse a question in the name.
Is it thy mynde then that I shall call thee cooke? spacer680
COOKE And are yow pleas’d that I shall call yow witche?
GRAM. And bouldlye too, for thou has made mee soe.
COOKE What, I? Nay, yow wud make of mee a devill.
GRAM. Come, come, leave jeastinge. Thou shalt bee my devill.
COOKE What if I will not bee what yow wud ha mee? spacer685
GRAM. Tut, soe thou cannot bee.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerHoyda! What’s this?
Can I not bee but I must bee a devill.
GRAM. Not with that face.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerIf my face please yow not,
Turne your face from mee, which is much more filthie.
GRAM. Indeed law? blue
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Doubte yow on’t, aske all that see us. spacer690
GRAM. Goe to, it needs not, th’art my litle faire one.
Now I beginne to love thee, much believe it.
COOKE But Ime not yett soe idle to love yow.
Come tell me nowe where I may sett these vittailes
For Grinco.
GRAM. spacerspacerBeare them in, thou knowes the waie. spacer695
COOKE I am not blynde, I trowe.
GRAM. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Then leade, Ile follow.

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ACT II, SCENE vii
GRINCO, THE COOKE

Grinco, haveinge left the deveill behynd him, hastens home for the breake-fast. The cooke, beguiled with a looking glasse, believes that nowe hee is become a devill, and is perswarded by Grunco not to give place to anotgher devill that shall come after.

GRIN. The hope I have to frolick with a breake-fast
Has wing’d my feete to overflye the devill
With more force than the adamant drawes iron. blue
For what is it can lett [impede] the stronge delight spacer700
Of a good stomache when good meates encyte?
But see here comes the cooke forth of our howse.
Sure hee has brought it mee. An honest man!
COOKE Eyther this woman here is madd indeed,
Or I indeed am now noe more cooke, spacer705
For so familiarlie shee calls me devill
As if I had but now come forth of Hell.
And now I doe beginne much for to doubte
Not onelie of my name, but my salvacion.
GRIN. ’Tis good, i’faith. I understand the matter. red spacer710
I of a cooke have made to daye this devill,
And it falls wond’rous fitlie, for herebye
Will I contryve to worke a cunning feate.
It now remaines by all meanes I make good
This found conceite hee’s halfe perswaded to, spacer715
To th’ end by him I maie dryve from our howse
The dev’ll himself that hither is a -cominge.
And mark yow, thus will I begin with him.
Hoe, sirrah knave! And are yow come at length?
Pray tell us nowe where you have lurk’d soe longe? spacer720
COOKE Whe dust though speake to, Grinco?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerTo a knave.
COOKE Then not to mee sure.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer To the devill sure.
COOKE But where’s the devill, for I see him not?
GRIN. Dust thou not knowe thyselfe?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer spacerYes, and I thincke
Thou knowes me too.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerFor a most lyinge spiritt.
COOKE Howe? View mee better, am I lyke the devill? spacer725
GRIN. Noe egg to egg nor asse to asse more lyke. blue
If thou make doubte on’t, looke thee in this glasse.
COOKE Out, out, ’tis cleare. I doubtlesse am the devill.
GRIN. Th’ art but a yonge one tho, for I perceive
Thy hornes appeare not yett.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer ’Tis verie true. spacer730
But harke thee, Grinco. I protest unto thee
I hitherto have thought myself a cooke.
GRIN. That same maie well bee too, for devills and cookes
Have theire employments both in works of fire.
COOKE I doe confesse that alsoe. And now, Grinc0, spacer735
What wudst thou ha mee doe?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerMarie, thy office. red
COOKE And what is that?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Goe to the witch my mother,
Shee’l teache thee if thou knowe not. But beware
That if another come to enter here,
Thou yeeld him not the place in any case. spacer740
For devills for the most part are ambitious
And often use to thrust out one another
From theire possessions.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerLet mee deal for that,
For seeinge now I am become a devill.
Ile keepe my shopp, I warrant thee, and stoutlie. spacer745
GRIN. Tush, leave that shop to cookes, thou speakes too cokelye.
COOKE My right, I meane.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerNaie, that’s noe matter neyther.
Thou mai’st aswell defend now wronge as right.
But see my mother, shee is seekinge thee.
Now plaie thy part.
COOKE spacerspacerspacerspacerspacer I’le doe the best I can. spacer750

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ACT I, SCENE viii
GRAMPOGNA, THE COOKE, GRINCO

Grinco helps out the cooke, communinge with his mother foolishly and from the purposel by interpretinge his words and draweing them to a congruous sense, that hee maie perswade his mother he is the devill.

GRAM. How is’t, Granbufo, that thou leaves mee thus
My selfe alone?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerI went asyde a little
But for to ease my bellie.
GRAM. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Ha, what sai’st?
GRIN. Fye, fye, I am asham’d of this same devill.
Hee meanes forsooth hee went but by erewhile. spacer755
COOKE To ease the burden of your wombe, that’s mee.
GRAM. Of what forsooth?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Of hunger, an it please yow.
For ’this a burden noe man, as I thinck,
Doth willinglie sustaine.
GRAM. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer It was well done.
But why madst thou conceale thy selfe from mee? spacer760
COOKE Because I did believe I was a cooke.
GRIN. This worse than th’ other. Hee believ’d hee could
Have soe perswaded yow hee was a cooke.
GRAM. I understand it nowe. Then thou art pleasde
That I shall call thee devill.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerThat I am. spacer765
For I have seene mee in a lookeinge glasse.
GRAM. Whats that?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerSave reverence, a chamber pott
Hee lookt him in, now whye hee was awaie.
GRAM. What ha’st thou done at courte soe longe?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerI? Noethinge.
GRAM. How? Where wast then?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer spacerspacerspacerspacerAt home I, in my shop. spacer770
GRIN. That is, at court. For these two with the devill are words of one signification.
GRAM. Wittie introth! Now tell me, dust remember
When thou became a devill?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer spacerVerie lately,
I thincke, at most but halfe an hower agoe.
GRIN. ’Tis even soe. For that’s about the tyme spacer775
Since hee did counterfaite himself a cooke.
GRAM. Where was it thou receav’d first thy damnacion?
COOKE I’ th’ kitchin, I suppose.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerTo wit, an’t please yowe,
In Lucifers blacke touche-hole, that’s his kitchin. blue
(Aside.) I feare I am not able to patch up spacer780
The broken reasons of this seelie devill. blue
GRAM. Saie, saw thou heav’n before thy fall?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerI? Never.
GRIN. Noe marvell, for hee could not open’s eyes.
GRAM. Why soe?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacer For they were shut against the trueth.
GRAM. O, nowe I understande. But trust mee, Grinco, spacer785
Hee answers verie darkelie.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerWhy conceave,
The devills answeres are of this sorte ever.
GRAM. Maie bee. Now tell me where’s Hell scituate?
COOKE I do not know, for I was never there.
GRAM. What? Never there saies thou. Denyes thou Hell? spacer790
GRAM. (Aside.) Ime in a wood, what shall I now saie too’te?
(Aloud.) Nay truelie hee denyes it not.
GRAM. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerHe saies
He knowes not.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerTush, yowe understand him not.
GRAM. How can I that?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer (Aside.) A mischief on’t for mee.
Wilt not bee yet — Oh now I ha’te. (Aloud.) He saies spacer795
Hee does not knowe that he was never there,
Soe not denyes but sometymes has beene there.
GRAM. That then was it?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerYes that was it indeede.
I see another devill here appeare.

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ACT II, SCENE ix
THE DEVILL, GRAMPOGNA, GRINCO, COOKE

The devill, comminge unto them, is not acknowledged by the witch and, being egregiouslie flowted by Grinco, goes his waies. Att length the witch, perceaveinge the matter, sends Grinco to call him again, who bids the cooke goe home and wash his face.

DE. With what greate hast hath Grinco spedd himselfe spacer800
Into I knowe not what cookes shop to daie!
Nor wud hee tarrie for my companie,
Soe powerfull was the force that drewe him from mee.
But see, hee standeth yonder with his mother,
And there’s a stranger in their companie, spacer805
Seemes by his face to bee my german brother.
Save thee, Grampogna.
GRAM. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer What wudst thou with mee?
DE. Ime now at lengtgh come to thee from the courte.
GRAM. And what waie didst thou come?
DE. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerThis verie waie.
GRAM. That verie waie then gett thee gone againe. spacer810
DE. How now? Dust thou soe soone dismisse me, ha?
GRAM. Who call’d thee, sirra?
DE. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerWhy, didst thou not call mee?
GRAM. Well, if I did not, I will call thee nowe.
DE. Saie then.
GRAM. spacerspacerspacerI call thee a most shamelesse knave.
DE. Dust thou denye indeed that thou didst call mee? spacer815
GRAM. Doe thou denye it too now, if thou canst.
DE. What matter’s this? I understand thee not.
GRAM. Bee packing then, for here, I tell thee true,
Are those that understand the matter well.
DE. And dust thou thus discharge mee then, Grampogna? spacer820
GRAM. I thinck one devill here’s sufficient for mee.
DE. O now I see, here is a late come devill.
COOKE But thou I see art nowe come latest hither.
DE. And who, I praie yow sir, made yow a devill?
COOKE Who made thee one?
DE. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerEv’n Lucifer himselfe. spacer825
COOKE And Grinco here himself made mee one.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerTrue,
A servant of my mothers, at her becke.
This cooke hath almost put mee to a non-plus.
DE. Arr better, Grinco, then greate Lucifer?
GRIN. Yes, how thincks thou? For I maye yet bee saved. spacer830
DE. Ile not denye’t.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerAnd therefore am I better
Then Lucifer, that nevr can bee saved.
DE. I doe beleeve thou alsoe maye bee damned.
GRIN. But this thy faith will never make thee saved.
DE. Why soe?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerBecause ’tis an Il-luders faith. spacer835
DE. What’s an Il’luders faith?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerWithout good works. blue
DE. But ’tis a good worke sure to have thee damned.
GRIN. Then is it alsoe charitie.
DE.spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Soe it is.
GRIN. Then thou belyke was damn’d for charitie.
DE. Dust mocke me, sirra?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Prethee whye, and who wud not
Scorne att the devills fireye charitie? spacer840
DE. I hope thou wilt doe pennance for the same.
GRIN. Howda! Dust preache unto us pennance alsoe?
DE. Callst thou it preachinge? I but advertize thee.
GRIN. Howere, beware thou bee not punisht for’t.
DE. And why?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerBecaue thou knowes ’tis meritorious. spacer845
DE. Ile punish thee and this same cooke ifaith
According to your merritts.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Yet againe
Talkes thou of meritts, villeine?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerYet againe
Calls thou me cooke?
DE. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerI, marie doe I, sirra.
Maie I not call thee by thy name?
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerHoe, Grinco, spacer850
Harken he calls me cooke. Dus hee not lye? Exit diabolus.
GRIN. Why, hee can speake no trueth.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerIf I shud saie soe,
As I wud faine, will hee not fight with mee?
GRIN. Looke, seest thou not how hee is runne awaie
Lest thou shudst tell him soe.
COOKEspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerThen all is well. spacer855
Now have I putt to flight my adversarie red
And am sole conquerour.
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerNow, mother myne,
Touching this devill, yow must first consider,
Before yow intertaine him in youre howse,
How to manteine and keepe him. For this same spacer860
Is of another manner of condicion
Then for the most part are your other devills.
For these can never eate, as not meete for it
But this one doth eate and drinke, and digest and sleepe,
And alsoe goes to th’ stoole, as men are wonte. spacer885
GRAM. And why didst thou not tell mee this before,
Ere th’ other went awaie?
GRIN. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Because I thought
’Twas better for yow eyther to want both,
Or, if yow would have one, then to have this
That’s less malitious.
And. spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacer Yet more costlie, sonne. spacer890
Therefore Ile none of this. Call backe the other.
GRIN. First lett me breake my fast. I shall not else
Be able for to goe to fynde him out.
GRAM. Thou shalt not tast of any thinge this daie,
Unlesse thou first doe bringe him back againe. spacer895
Therefore make hast th’ad best, whyles I goe over
But to a neighbors howse hare by. Exit venefica.
GRIN.spacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerspacerSoe, soe.
I now have spunne a faire threed, have I not?
I maie goe hange myself for ought I know,
I have beguild my selfe I weane so wittiely. spacer900
What shall I nowe doe? Well goe, gett thee home
And wash thy face. Soe shalt thou of a devill
Become a cooke againe, as th’ wert before.
COOKE ’Tis a strange art indeed, that thou canst doe, red
To make a devill and unmake him too. spacer905
But thancks, that yet th’ hast brought mee out of Hell
By this unmakeing art. And soe fare well.
GRIN Farewell, good cooke. And now will I make haste,
For to an hungrie man ’tis death to faste.

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ACT II, SCENE x
CRANCUS solus

Crancus upon htis opportunitgie enters the witches howse to steale the meate.

CRAN. This my expectance hath succeeded well, spacer910
And all thinges happen as I wud ha wishte.
The witch is gone unto the next streete here.
Within there is a break-fast readie drest,
And Grinco is sent backe unto the devill.
Soe I alone doe here now rule the roste, bluespacer915
And to my eating bootie will I poste.

 

Go to Act III