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ACT V, SCENE i
VIRGINIUS, STRAGALCIUS, SCATISSA, GERARDUS, PETRUS, FABRITIUS

VIR. Come with me, as many of you as there are. You come too, Stragalcius.
STRA. With a club or a rock, so I can kill them like dogs?
VIR. Borrow some clubs or steel from the innkeeper.
SCA. Indeed, master, it’’s appropriate to come with a shield and lance.
VIR. That suffices to do battle even with a single unarmed donkey!
STRA. Look at this death-dealing weapon. With this spit I want to run through everybody as if they were porkers, or I’ll make it so they immediately take to flight.
SCA. What do you want for yourself with that roast meat and flagon?
STRA. I see you don’t know what it is to live in camp. The first concern is that the commissary doesn’t run out. Master, do you want me to run through with a single stroke both the old man and his daughter with their servants and the whole family, the old man through his eyes, the daughter through her middle, the rest scornfully, as it chances to happen? I would greatly like to be in a battle.
VIR. Their house is open, I’m afraid lest they’ve contrived tricks against us.
STRA. What do I care about tricks as long as I have a chopper in my hand? [Enter Petrus.] But behold the pedagogue.
PET. Listen to me, patron, and, like a second Neptune, I’ll reduce this entire tumult, this great upheaval to tranquility.
STRA. Watch out for yourself, Master, for perhaps Master Petrus, being as he is a slippery fellow, has entered into a conspiracy with our enemies. If he’s suspect to you, just give the sign, and I’ll be the first to make an assault on him, then I’ll drag him by the feet like a slaughtered sow. By Hercules, I’ll do so, pedagogue. Don’t look askance at me. Rather, answer me quickly, are you a friend or not a friend?
PET. Why ask this, Stragalcius? “A certain friend is discerned in an uncertain affair.”
STRA. Are you a certain friend? Take this sword —
SCA. Mine?
STRA. — or you’ll occupy the place of an enemy in my eyes.
PET. I scarcely deem myself worthy of so great an honor.
STRA. I want you to, I say.
PET. Rather, we should lay down our arms. We all ask peace of you.
STRA. Hey, didn’t I say he’s a traitor? Heavens, he urges us throw away our arms. Then what will become of me and these fellow-servants of mine, Master? We must look out for him. Go far away, I tell you. Now tell me the truth. You know how gentle-spirited I am: when I stab all the others, I’ll only cut out your evil tongue.
PET. Nay, even with my tongue wrenched out, with its very spirit my liberty will refute your libidinousness.
VIR. Stragalcius, let me approach the man.
STRA. First take this weapon.
VIR. I want to , as there’s need. Petrus!
PET. Patron!
VIR. Where’s my daughter?
PET. She’s safe.
VIR. And have you found my son yet?
PET. I’ve found him.
VIR. Where is he?
PET. Inside here, where he’s gotten a most beautiful wife.
VIR. A wife? Who then is she, or from where
STRA. How I’m destined to be a well-fed soldier, if Master takes a wife! Now I seem to myself to be drinking goblets of wine. It will be well for you, Scatissa; with me you take first place.
VIR. I am scarcely taking it with equanimity that my son has stumbled over a wife so suddenly. But who is she?
PET. The lovely and chaste daughter of Gerardus.
VIR. Of Gerardus? Just now he wanted to murder me.
PET. He acted rashly and repents his action. At this time you’ll hear the whole thing from him himself. Gerardus, now you can come out with confidence. [Enter Gerardus.]
GER. Oh Virginius, my friend, I pray by the gods and our friendship, which began in our childhood and grew up along with us, that you forgive me for the things I unwisely did against you.
STRA. Shall I run him through? But his flesh is scarce worthy of being fixed on a spit.
GER. I beg you, Virginius, bid these arms be taken away. We’ve done too much to make the other citizens laugh at us.
VIR. Go away, take the arms inside, and bring me my toga.
PET. Excellently said:
Let arms yield to the toga, and the laurel defer to the tongue.
Fabricius, come out to greet your father. [Enter Fabricius.]
VIR. Isn’t this Laelia?
PET. It isn’t, it’s your Fabricius.
VIR. My son.
FABR. My father.
VIR. The sweet embrace of my son!
FABR. The very sweet sight of my father!
VIR. How many times I’ve wished for this day, Fabricius. Now let Fortune do as she pleases, now that I see my son.
GER. Go in the house, Virginius. Inside you can better cheer yourself. For your daughter is not far away, for I saw her today in the nurse’s house.
VIR. Jupiter, what a heap of joy I’ve gathered into a single moment!

ACT V, SCENE ii
CRIVELUS, FLAMINIUS CRIVELUS, FLAMINIUS

FLA. You know for sure he was Fabius?
CRI. I know for sure. As if I didn’t recognize him!
FLA. They drove him into the house?
CRI. He seemed to go in against his will.
FLA. Perhaps the old men caught him together with Isabella. Would that it were so! Then they would have exacted my revenge on the whipping-post.
CRI. It could be. For afterwards Pacquetta told me he had been severely punished.
FLA. Where did you see him?
CRI. He chanced to walk right by me, Master.
FLA. And I wasn’t able to find this out before?
CRI. If asked I would have told you before.
FLA. Stupid, now I’d sell you even for three pennies.
CRI. But I’d not leave you if you gave me ten.
FLA. Who’s this man talking with? He’s scattering his words to the wind. I’m going to the nurse. She’ll tell me everything.

ACT V, SCENE iii
FLAMINIUS, CRIVELUS, CLEMENS

FLA. You knock on the door. [Enter Clemens.]
CLE. Who’s pounding on the door so boorishly? You?
CRI. Not me, by Hercules, it’s my master.
CLE. What about your master?
CRI. He wants to meet her.
CLE. Flaminius, what business with me do you have, after such a long them after you have left our house. Do you hold me in contempt, now that you love Isabella?
FLA. Me love Isabella?
CLE. Watch out what you say.
FLA. Indeed I tell you, nurse, and I call the gods to witness that I speak from my heart, that she’s of no value to me, thus there’s no woman I’d love less.
CLE. This is the common fault of young men. After you obtain the pleasure you crave, you are unthankfully scornful, nor does anybody honor faithfulness.
FLA. Call me anything, nurse, rather than an ingrate.
CLE. I’m not speaking of you, but I truly call a young man well known and familiar to you very ungrateful.
FLA. Who is he? And to whom is he ungrateful?
CLE. A maiden, beautiful and noble, loved him.
FLA. You are describing a lucky man. What about him? He didn’t reciprocate?
CLE. He did. But, in accordance with the customary constancy of young men, while she was away for a while he changed his mind. He disdains assured love and grasps at new ones.
FLA. My familiar is ignoble, whoever he is, and possessed of a low-down spirit.
CLE. Anybody can pass judgment on an unknown person without difficulty. When you hear his name, then will you say the same?
FLA. Indeed I’ll say it.
CLE. But wait for the rest. She, even though disdained, does not cease to love the ungrateful lad, and when she perceived that she could hope to gain no grace at all in her true appearance, she assumed a fictitious one, rather than fail to feed her love with even false hope.
FLA. Has the earth borne a woman of such great virtue?
CLE. These things are nothing compared to what you’ll hear now. She exchanged her linen gown for a servant’s get-up. She offered herself to the man she loves as his boy. Hired, she performed her duty with such fidelity that she even delivered letters written against herself to the woman who was the sole hindrance and obstacle to her love.
FLA. What equally wonderful things you relate! My familiar, such an unkind man! And this woman, not born to be a woman!
CLE. But I know you would prefer Isabella even to her.
FLA. Ah, nurse, the memory of Isabella is a sore in my mind, do not touch it. How easily it could be healed by such a consort of my bedchamber as you have just spoken of!
CLE. What if I point her out to you? What reward will I receive?
FLA. Where would there be such divinity in so humble a household? But why am I so concerned about her, who loves somebody else?
CLE. What if she should not love the other, as he has deserved, but love you?
FLA. Have I found the gods so favorable to me that I should think this? But where is she, pray? My mind craves to see her.
CLE. I’ll make her come downstairs to you, since you wish to see her. Fabius.
FLA. What is it?
CRI. What is it?
FLA. This woman has deceived me. Or have you lied to me, whipping-stock, telling me she is at Gerardus’ house?
CRI. Then Pacquetta lied to me.
FLA. But you I’ll —
CRI. If you punish me first, I’ll punish her second.
FLA. What’s going on, nurse? With me being unawares, has this runaway clown been hiding in your house the whole time?
CLE. You call a noble woman a runaway clown!
FLA. Surely Fabius is not a woman’s name.
CLE. It is. And your Fabius is a woman.
CRI. Gods, your faith! What if I had known this before?
FLA. What are you saying?
CLE. This what you’re hearing.
FLA. Who is this woman? Is she possibly Laelia?
CLE. She is. But who is that ignoble, mean-spirited man who deserted Laelia?
FLA. I am, I confess, nurse, and according to these names worse misdeeds do not equal my crime. Where can I flee? Where can I discharge this infamy? Now I’ve given birth to a new nickname for myself. Nobody will mention Flaminius without adding The Treacherous. But, even if I should not fear this, as being something that can be wholly concealed, nevertheless my mind, a private witness, torments me. With what sacrifices can I expiate my crime against Laelia? What manner of punishment can I inflict on myself to satisfy her?
CRI. Let me whip you, Master, as you are wont to do to me.
FLA. Has any man ever repaid such rare faith with so great unfaithfulness? I, born under an unlucky sign, will follow my fortune. To shun the light, hostile to criminals, I shall abandon the city and my companions, I shall go to groves and hidden recesses.
CRI. You’ll go alone, as far as I’m concerned. Crivelus prefers to be at home.

ACT V, SCENE iv
FABIUS, FLAMINIUS, CRIVELUS, THE NURSE

FAB. Stay, you’ll not go alone. Fabius wants to follow his master.
FLA. What voice do I hear that has shattered my heart? (He stops.) What delays me?
FAB. Nobody but a servant who follows his master.
CRI. You’re lying. For a servant is one who does not follow. I’d prefer to hang rather than be gobbled down by wild beasts.
FAB. Why are you standing there, master? The road to the forest is long, move your feet.
FLA. Ah, Laelia!
FAB. What are you doing?
FLA. There’s pardon for sin. If it were equal to my disgrace —
FAB. What if it were?
FLA. I’d dare have hope.
FAB. Has your offence been against a lioness or a tigress, that you should despair of hope?
FLA. I’m rather the tiger, who did the deed, or what is more savage than a tiger. You were too kind to me.
FAB. And you’re afraid you won’t obtain pardon from such a kind girl?
FLA. So you forgive me?
FAB. Why should I forgive you, whose word or deed has never displeased me?
FLA. My crime is the greater.
FAB. There’s none against me, nor do I want there to be. Turn to me, Flaminius, if you love me.
FLA. Is it permitted me to love you?
FAB. Why is it not permitted, if it please you?
FLA. How my ears devour this sweet speech! Ah Laelia, may Jupiter forgive me, Faith forgive me, and Venus henceforth prosper me, there’s nothing I love like I love you.
CLE. So why not go in and join hands? You could not do so at a better time. [Enter Pacquetta.] But I see Pacquetta. What is it she’s carrying? She’s coming in a hurry.

ACT V, SCENE v
PACQUETTA, THE NURSE, FABIUS, FLAMINIUS, CRIVELUS

PACQ. I’ve been searching for your very self, nurse. Master has found a husband for Isabella.
CLE. Who, pray?
PACQ. Fabricius, Virginius’ son. I am ordered to fetch wreaths, garlands, and unguents.
CLE. Good heavens, I’m happy.
PACQ. And the old man has also heard that Laelia’s at your house.
CLE. What did he say?
PACQ. He orders you to bring her home as soon as possible. Here I have her silken gown, I’m handing it to you because the hour of the feast is not yet here.
CLE. Why are you in such a hurry? Can you tell me this, whether your master expects her as his bride?
PACQ. Is that doubtful?
CRI. Hey, liar, liar, if your master asks me, I’ll —
PACQ. What are you saying, you very base creature? Go hang.
CRI. How angry she is!
FAB. Heavens, you seem sad, nurse. Has Pacquetta brought bad news?
CLE. Your brother has taken a wife.
FAB. This is distressing for you? Who is she?
CLE. Isabella, Gerardus’ daughter.
FLA. He’s married her?
FAB. Why ask this so anxiously?
FLA. I only desire to know what has befallen Laelia’s brother.
FAB. My nurse, what has you in a bother?
CLE. Your father’s unfairness.
FAB. Towards you?
CLE. No, towards you.
FAB. In what matter?
CLE. He’s decided to give you to Gerardus as a wife.
FAB. If he should chose to, he’ll give me dead, he’ll never give me alive.
FLA. To Gerardus? I’ll make him a lifeless husband if he touches my girl.
CRI. Yes, by Hercules, and after you have murdered him, I’ll gouge out both his eyes.
FAB. I’m afraid I can’t deter the old man, so stubbornly he puts his effort into this. But I’ll try. Meanwhile you seize possession of the farm while you can, if you’re smart. Argue about legal rights afterwards.
FLA. That cause will not easily fail which has you for its advocate.

ACT V, SCENE vi
FINETTA, CRIVELUS

FIN. Good gods, what shall I do inside now? Two warriors are occupying our bedchamber. Such is the upheaval there, and the bed creaks so constantly that I’m afraid it will soon break. In other parts of the house a hairy buffoon is chasing me and wants to kiss me against my will. But I’ll tell these things to Mother as soon as she comes back. [Enter Crivelus.]
CRI. My delight!
FIN. Me your delight? Wait here until Mother returns.

ACT V, SCENE vii
CLEMENS, GERARDUS, VIRGINIUS, ISABELLA, LAELIA, PETRUS, FLAMINIUS, FABRITIUS

CLE. You must turn your attention elsewhere. Don’t think about her any more, if you’re wise.
GER. After I dressed myself at such expense, should my money go to waste so that I’m elegantly made a fool?
CLE. Since your daughter’s marriage is near at hand, there is neither any loss of money, nor unfitness of dress.
GER. Do you imagine I can persuade my mind to abandon my Laelia?
CLE. Why not?
GER. What? Forever?
CLE. Unless you don’t wish.
GER. What will men say of me?
CLE. They will praise your prudence.
GER. Perhaps. But what if she comes to me begging that I don’t desert her?
CLE. Have no fear. She’s plighted her troth to another.
GER. She’s plighted? Perhaps she’s only promised verbally?
CLE. Yes, and given her trust, and has given herself into his power before the present time.
GER. As an old man I’m experiencing what I once learned as a youth, one must obey when necessity gives the order. But when she was surrendering herself, what did she say? In none of her talk did she mention my name?
CLE. She didn’t even think of you, as much as I could tell. Why that hangdog expression? This concern will last for two or three days, then it will cease.
VIR. Heavens, Gerardus, since that which you wish cannot happen, you should wish for that which can.
GER. That’s your advice?
VIR. If you’re wise.
PET. For what’s been done cannot be undone.
GER. She gave herself into his power?
CLE. It’s done.
GER. With what words?
CLE. Her surrender didn’t happen in words so much as in very fact.
GER. How?
CLE. With kisses and a mutual embrace.
GER. How many times did they kiss?
CLE. Now you make a nuisance of yourself? As many as they wished.
GER. And they also clung in a mutual embrace?
CLE. You’ve heard the whole thing. Dismiss these words and decide what you are to do.
GER. Brother, when I remember, the thing seems to have turned out well.
VIR. Really? Hercules, I’m happy.
GER. For listen here. When I ponder this seriously, it seems to me that he who attaches an old plank to a green one does not seem to make a good join. I wish well for your daughter, but some widow would suit myself and my age much better, who would warm my nightcap and rub my chest. If you don’t oppose this marriage, neither am I standing in the way.
CLE. So do you want me to call them outside to you?
VIR. What do you say, Gerardus?
GER. It’s not possible to oppose an impending evil. I’ll do so gladly.
VIR. So call them out.
IS. My sister has chosen no mean love.
FABR. I'm all the happier.
CLE. Laelia! Flaminius! [Enter Laelia and Flaminius.]
LAE. What are you bringing, nurse?
CLE. I am bringing you the pleasures of all the charms and pleasures. Virginius makes no complaint, Gerardus even gives reasons why he would not accept you at his age, and everything is according to your wish.
FLA. How gladness overflows the banks of my heart!
CLE. So why not make your exit now? Not far from here both the old men and your brother with his wife await you.
FLA. Today the day I have hoped for is given me.
FIR. My daughter has her father’s nature, for she is wise.
FLA. Flaminius gives greeting to Virginius his father-in-law.
VIR. May the gods grant you want you desire, Flaminius!
FLA. So you give your daughter?
VIR. I give her.
FLA. And you, sister, greetings.
PET. As you greet, so you will be greeted in return.
LAE. Nurse, by your effort this has been done well for us.
CLE. It was my pleasure to give you aid.
VIR. Gods, you have granted me this shining day. My son, tomorrow I’ll await you here with my daughter so that we may join in celebrating your brother’s marriage.
FLA. And I likewise, my father, and you, Gerardus, and you, my kinsmen and you others.
VIR. Meanwhile today we’ll escort you to the house, since you are alone.
FLA. Unless it will be a trouble for you.
VIR. It won’t be. But we’re going, Gerardus.
GER. Since she’s given into another man’s power, let us go.

<EPILOGUE>
PETRUS

Solon, not so good a poet, but easily the prince of philosophers, excellently said:
“Before his death and final ending, nobody is blessed.”
You have heard the final act of our comedy, which is like a death, and we are defunct. The decision is up to you how happily we have acted. And so that the decision of this thing may be ascertained (most honorable gentlemen, most honorable, I say, and most grave), give your applause with my Cicero, or rather applaud with Plautus.

Finis