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ACT V, SCENE i blue
CHRYSOPHILUS, CANIDIA, CALLIDAMUS

spacerCHRYS. Get out, you accursed woman, you trickster, you witch thrice over, unless you wish the remainder of your teeth to be knocked out. And you too, Callidamus, the source and origin of this evil, I shall requite this insult in abundance.
spacerCALL. Continue.
spacerCAN. Ah, wicked Callidamus, is this how I am to be deceived?
spacerCALL. I confess it.
spacerCAN. So you confess it? Do you take pleasure in your deed? Oh how I wish I had eyes now, so I could launch an assault against yours.
spacerCALL. Keep going.
spacerCAN. Oh you deceiver.
spacerCHRYS. You impostor.
spacerCAN. You traitor.
spacerCHRYS. You perjurer.
spacerCALL. Nothing else? These accusations are trifles.
spacerCHRYS. Trifles? They’re things you’ll atone for with your life, you most scurvy worker of theft and violence.
spacerCALL. With my life? This is what I myself would prefer, and if you don’t take it from me I’ll voluntarily cast it aside. But pray do it quickly.
spacerCHRYS. Quickly enough, have no doubt.
spacerCALL. Oh how I yearn to flee this hateful life! Ha, and surely you’ll be my executioner, since you have well earned it. Here’s a sword for you. Take it, take it and do your duty, or by the gods I’ll —
spacerCHRYS. This man is a lunatic, how can I get away?
spacerCALL. Why refuse? Get it done, or I’ll soon make you a flunky of Pluto to wash his dinnerware, and you a servant of Proserpina.
spacerCAN. By Castor, I’m too old for that.
spacerCHRYS. I have other business at home. Pray let me attend to it first.
spacerCALL. Right now, I tell you.
spacerCHRYS. Let me bid adieu to my friends, I’ll be right back.
spacerCALL. Stay. What if I send ahead this head of mine to Charon as his fee so he’ll ferry across the rest of my body.
spacerCHRYS. By Hercules, the job doesn’t cost that much.
spacerCALL. So run me through quickly, quickly.

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ACT V, SCENE ii
CHRYSOPHILUS, CALLIDAMUS , FLORETTA, CLEOMACHUS, CANIDIA, DIODORUS dressed as a woman, ERGASILUS

ERG. Come back, I beg you. You have no idea what fate awaits you.
spacerFLOR. No, I know this all too well, to my unhappiness. Let me go.
spacerERG. Please, Floretta.
spacerCALL. Floretta? Who speaks her name?
spacerFLOR. Me be present at the death of my Callidamus? I won’t stand for it.
spacerCALL. Wait, my darling, so that your beauty may feed my eyes to the point of surfeit before I die.
spacerFLOR. Rather look at your Callanthia over there.
spacerCALL. Callanthia? Hah, oh gods! How I’m being torn asunder! Shall I cleave to this one or that? To both or neither?
spacerDI. What’s this?
spacerCALL. Rather I beg you cut apart this poor body of mine. Give each of them that which is hers.
spacerDI. I have no idea what you mean.
spacerCALL. It means I embrace the death that confronts me.
spacerDI. Rather you should rush into the embrace of your Callanthia.
spacerCALL. Good advice, by Pollux. I come, I come. But let me return, this girl will also be my Callanthia. Let me live and die in her arms.
spacerDI. Indeed she is Callanthia. I’m Theodosia, your mother.
spacerCALL. Hah.
spacerCLEO. Her very own self, and I’m your father Charilaus. Now I am able to reveal myself, and her as well. Duke Alberto is dead, my son, Alberto, who impiously condemned us to perpetual exile, is dead.
spacerCALL. This is more than I could hope or ask the gods for.
spacerDI. This has now been told to me when I was staying abroad. This is the reason I swiftly returned, and in the following way, if you are willing to hear me out.
spacerCLEO. Alfonso has been elected Duke once more, and, as much as he can, he has recalled us to enjoy our liberty, honors, and old station in life.
spacerCALL. But, pray, didn’t you tell me that my mother Theodosia perished in a shipwreck?
spacerCLEO. I did indeed, and I even believed this to be fact. But now, if you listen to your mother, you’ll learn that she is Theodosia and that this girl is Callanthia.
spacerCALL. How gladly I’ll hear these things!
spacerDI. Ah, my sweetest son, I did suffer a shipwreck, but nevertheless I did not die. While I was swimming in mid-ocean an Italian merchant miraculously rescued me and brought me back here to Florence.
spacerCALL. The kindly gods of heaven!
spacer DI. But here I encountered a new threat to my life. I had no less to fear from the fury of Alberto than I had before from the rage of Neptune. And so that I might conceal myself more safely (forgive me, my more modest sex) I assume a man’s dress and the guise of Diodorus, leased a nearby house which I could use advantageously to observe what became of my Callidamus and Callanthia.
spacerCALL. The inexpressible indulgence of a mother!
spacerCLEO. How hard it is to have their children snatched from their parents’ sight! But pray continue.
spacerDI. Then, having nothing to support me, practiced my medical art, just as I had previously been in the habit of tending to the poor out of charity. Now, being a pauper myself, I cured my lack of funds. And at length my reputation spread abroad, so that Diodorus had a reputation above all the others as the Asclepius of physicians. Sick men quickly came a-flocking and, thanks be to the gods, went home sick no more.
spacerCHRYS. That’s the truth.
spacerCAN. I remember that myself.
spacerCALL. A wonderful story in all respects!
spacerDI. Now, now you’ll hear the miracle. Now you truly behold your Callanthia.
spacerCALL. Would that were so!
spacerFLOR. How I waver between hope and fear!
spacerDI. For in the end Lupina — bah, that monstrosity of a woman!
spacerCLEO. The wife of this Chrysophilus?
spacerDI. That very same woman brought Callanthia to me when she was ill, and generously promised I know not what so that, if I could, I use some drug to put her to death.
spacerCALL. Oh the witch! Oh the impious hunger for gold!
spacerDI. My reply was that there was no need for a drug to kill her. If he wanted her dead, I promised to ensure that she drown in this lagoon. I knew full well what would quickly happen to the babe if I sent her home. Hence I secretly kept her in my house.
spacerFLOR. Now I gradually begin to recover my failing spirits.
spacerCALL. But how did it come about that she was called Floretta, and the daughter of Nitella?
spacerDI. I was just about to tell you. At the same time, Nitella brought her Floretta, hideously suffering from leprosy, and sought a cure, and I took that girl into my household too, promising to heal her within six months, gods willing. And after that time had passed, I gave Nitella Callanthia in place of her Floretta. She happily took her, and everybody marveled that she was transformed and had become far more beautiful, praised the thing, and were amazed by this Floretta who was no Floretta.
spacerCALL. Enough. I acknowledge my Callanthia.
spacerFLOR. Oh mother!
spacerCALL. And my most excellent rescuer!
spacerCLEO. And my most excellent wife!
spacerCALL. But pray what became of Floretta?
spacerDI. I fully healed her and, lest this deed somehow come to light, after my own example I dressed her as a man and gave her the name Perillus.
spacerERG. Perillus? That good-for-nothing a woman, and even Nitella’s daughter Floretta?
spacerCALL. Now everything seems clear. Oh heavens, how many joys you’ve suddenly heaped upon us!
spacerCAN. Pardon me, but I’m Lupina, poor me, who handed over Callanthia to be drowned. And I rejoice that she’s survived.
spacerALL Hah.
spacerCHRYS. Oh devil, does another ghost rise up against me?
spacerCAN. By Hercules, I’m your wife Lupina.
spacerCHRYS. I preferred you as a ghost.
spacerCLEO. Hold your tongue. But you continue.
spacerCAN. By Hercules, I was once accused of murdering Callanthia, whom I myself believed to have been drowned. I forestalled the judge’s sentence by pretending to punish myself. I inscribed those verses on this column, so that people would believe me dead, and so everybody thought I had died by suffering the same fate. But I secretly entered a cloister, where I have remained hidden until this very day.
spacerCHRYS. And I beg you to go back to it.
spacerCAN. You bid me go back, you who were a party to this crime and devised Callanthia’s death so that you might enjoy the money?
spacerCHRYS. Poor me, now I fall at your feet as a suppliant. Allow me to beg your pardon.
spacerCALL. Ah you villain. You beg me for your life who were with threatening me with death just now?
spacerCHRYS. AND LUP. I beg you all —
spacerFLOR. Please forgive them, amidst this universal rejoicing.
spacerCALL. You ask for this when you were the injured party? So let them have it, if it please you.
spacerCLEO. It pleases me.
spacerDI. And me, very much.
spacerBOTH Thank you.
spacerCLEO. But take her as your wife, and make sure that henceforth you get along with each other.
spacerCAN. Yes, let Chrysophilus see to that. Oh my husband, after the last time I beheld you, I have lost my eyes. Gods love me, how I wholeheartedly wish to see this face of yours once more!
spacerCHRYS. And I that I never see yours again.
spacerCAN. Really, you skinflint, you sheep, you whipping-post?
spacerCHRYS. Oh, back to your old ways? Oh gods, grant me to be deaf once more, so I don’t have to suffer the insults this screech-owl will daily give me.
spacerCALL. Right now it behooves you both to hold your tongues. Indeed, I bid you not to squabble in future, for I decree that you must tolerate it.
spacerCHRYS. It shall be as you command.
spacerCAN. By Castor, it will.
spacerERG. Now hooray for my honest deceptions. Give me your old adulterers or wicked whores, and I’ll make ’em get along as upright married couples.

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ACT V, SCENE iii
CALLIDAMUS , ERGASILUS, CALLANTHIA, CHARILAUS, THEODOSIUS

CHAR. A wonderful series of events! How everything’s been turned topsy-turvy! Now affairs are safe and sound.
spacerTHEO. Oh happy hour which has given me a son who is a happy, carefree husband!
spacerCALL. And given me both my parents and my darling.
spacerCHAR. And I, who lately was an impoverished exile, have returned to my nation, wealthy and free, and have been given my son and dear wife.
spacerCALLAN. And I have regained all of you and (which I had lost even more) myself. And if this were too little, now I enjoy my Callidamus, who I value as much as wealth, liberty, nation, friends, parents, and everything else.
spacerCALL. May all the gods destroy me if because of what you say you are not worthy of immediately being made a duchess, a queen, a goddess, and queen of goddesses. Gods’ and men’s faith, how unequal I am to such great happiness! How I fear lest it burst my heart! How I want to play the madman! For this great joy is feeble unless it comes to resemble lunacy. And to enjoy it in moderation is not to play the part of a moderate man, but rather is the mark of a puny, feeble, ungrateful mind.
spacerCHAR. Yes indeed, my joy outstrips its familiar limits and my youthful high spirits happily return.
spacerTHEO. Gods preserve this great good for you!
spacerCALL. Oh my dearest father Charilaus, oh Theodosia my mother, who have so miraculously preserved myself and my love, to whom once more I am indebted for my life, and for the life of Callanthia, the light of my life, how can I repay you? Once I possessed you as unbelievably loyal friends, and now, unbelievably, as the best parents I could hope for. And you too, my Callanthia. a thousand times dearer to me than my own soul, who rekindles my old love and preserves my new one, now let us auspiciously join in a marriage which, even if the Fates are opposed, the gods join in supporting. And as for you, Ergasilus, who are possessed of the best concern and faithfulness of any servants I have ever known, take this gold.
spacerERG. Thank you.
spacerCALL. Here’s more.
spacerERG. Thank you again.
spacerCALL. And in future I’ll repay you more generously.
spacerCHAR. Enough. My son, you and all the rest of you should quickly prepare for a triumphant celebration. Now let us celebrate a new birthday for Alfonso, our nation, and all of ourselves.

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ACT V, SCENE iv
ERGASILUS, PERILLUS

PER. Look behind you, my Ergasilus.
spacerERG. You’re here? Excellent! But where’s Cuculus?
spacerPER. I’ve just left him in a wine-shop, good and soaked.
spacerERG. Shrewdly, as you do everything. How artfully you pretended to be a woman today, just as if you really were one! Pray, are you not a woman? Ah, you good-for-nothing.
spacerPER. Get away.
spacerERG. Then I’m not a soothsayer and haven’t learned that art of yours at which you told Misogamus you excel. Let me read your palm. Assuredly, you’ll never marry a wife, not even one.
spacerPER. Why not?
spacerERG. Because it’s necessary that you marry Cubulus. Everything now stands revealed.
spacerPER. But I beg you, Ergasilus, if you know I’m a woman don’t tell anyone.
spacerERG. Why not?
spacerPER. Because my master Diodorus wanted this to be kept concealed until the right moment.
spacerERG. Diodorus has just now returned and revealed himself to be a woman, and you Floretta.
spacerPER. Oh wonderful! This is the first I’ve heard of it. I couldn’t help being conscious of my true sex, but I was previously unaware that Diodorus is a woman or myself to be Floretta.
spacerERG. That’s possible. Hasn’t my master transposed you in your infancy and that Callanthia is the woman we used to call Floretta, and is now the bride of Callidamus? But you’ll hear everything inside and marvel at it all.
spacerPER. You are speaking of stupendous events.
spacerERG. And now I would like you to have Cucullus as your husband.
spacerPER. That fool?
spacerERG. He’ill be a wealthy man, being the sole heir of Chysophilus. He loves you desperately, and certainly wives who marry fools are not always unhappy, since they are free to live as they please.
spacerPER. Now you’re not far away from the mark, Ergasilus. So it will be, but Cuculus is here. Remain here a moment.

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ACT V, SCENE v
CUCULUS drunken, BOYS, ERGASILUS, FLORETTA

BOYS Hey, Cuculus! Whoop, Cuculus!
spacerCUC. Get away, you worthless boy. Where are you, Floretta mine? Where are you fleeing, you naughty girl?
spacerBOY 1 I’ll lead you to Floretta.
spacerBOY2 No, me.
spacerBOY 3 Go this way.
spacerBOY 4 This way, I tell you.
spacerBOY 5 That way, that way.
spacerBOY 6 No, go back.
spacerCUC. Let me be, I tell you, let me be. But, by Hercules those fires of heaven the stars are all but extinguished. Whup, whup, whish. You Man in the Moon, grant me your lantern, with which I may search for my Floretta.
spacerBOY 1 Speak up, speak up. Endymion’s asleep, the one on whom you are calling.
spacerCUC. Oh, my nose!
spacerBOY 2 Hercules, you have a loud voice. Speak up again.
spacerCUC. Oh, my ears!
spacerALL THE BOYS Fine, fine.
spacerCUC. If I catch you, you rascals —
spacerALL This way, I tell you, Cuculus.
spacerBOY 3 Here, donkey.
spacerBOY 4 Just follow me. (Cuculus embraces the post.)
spacerCUC. I’ve caught you, you whipping-stock.
spacerALL Now you may catch us, now you may. Good-bye, good-bye.
spacerERG. Oh Cuculus, are you now embracing another woman, disdaining your Floretta?
spacerCUC. Floretta? Aren’t you here, my darling? How much I love you. Pray let’s finally go to bed.
spacerFLOR. Now, when it’s morning? By no means.
spacerCUC. I beg you.
spacerFLOR. For heaven’s sake, I vowed to remain a virgin these seven days.
spacerCUC. You could just as well have said seven years. You certainly don’t love me.
spacerFLOR. I love you hugely. How could not adore such an amiable face to the point of madness?
spacerCUC. Ha a he.
spacer FLOR. By Castor, now I desire to have this nose as my breakfast.
spacerCUC. My nose? Are you pregnant, pray, craving my nose as a delicacy?
spacerERG. I’ll free you from this fear. This is Perillus. Don’t you recognize your Perillus?
spacerCUC. Perillus? Did I deceive my father just now so that I might be cheated myself? Oh what a terrible thing!
spacer ERG. How are you doing?
spacerCUC. Oh, nothing now remains save that I hang myself.
spacerERG. Go inside and sleep off your drunkenness. This is Floretta her very own self.
spacerFLOR. Assuredly.
spacerCUC. Are you mocking me again?
spacerERG. No, by Hercules.
spacerCUC. Me actually marry you?
spacerFLOR. Yes, I must marry you. You’re my husband, Cuculus.
spacerCUC. Hey!
spacerERG. But Onobarus is coming out, I’ll confront him immediately.

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ACT V, SCENE vi
ONOBARUS, NITELLA

ON. By Pollux, the sky’s growing brighter and it’s unsafe for me to remain here any longer. Oh, what a shrewd device! Oh what a happy night! How sweet my wife is to me now1 Now there’s no “get away, Onobarus, you hound,” “get away, Onobarus, you sheep,“, but rather, “good, my dear heart.” There’s no more “here’s a slap for you, and yet another,” but “want a kiss, darling?” and a thousand similar things. I gladly received these, kept my silence, and departed unrecognized. Chick.
spacerNIT. Callidamus.
spacerON. You evil baggage, what about me, hidden in this corner?
spacerNIT. Oh Callidamus, I say, why leave so quickly? The dawn has scarcely broken. He’s certainly gone. Hah, you good-for-nothing! How honeyed the nature of his lips, the pressing of his kisses, the softness of his cheeks! Bah, Onobarus and that stiff, goatish beard of his! Oh the villainQ How near at at hand he is! Hm, the scoundrel is asleep, but his ears are cocked just as I feared. What if I toy with him a little? Good gods, am I beholding a man or a statue? How motionless! By Hercules, it’s a statue. Oh what wonderful artistry. What a lifelike expression! Look at that face. If the sculptor had added horns, what a pretty Actaeon blue he could have been! But surely this can be done by my artistry. Hey boy, fetch me those stag’s heads within and also a hammer and nail. Good heavens, it would be criminal for such an ample head to go unadorned. Rather, it would make a very handy coatrack.
spacerBOY Here you are, if it please you.
spacerNIT. Now go away, I’ll affix these to his head. Sometimes we women are not bad artists. Oh how they fit his face!spacer
spacerON. Whoever you sre, may all the gods — What a delightful sleep you aroused me from, you worst of people! You terrified me so much, may all the demons —
spacerNIT. But aren’t you Onobarus? Oh Jupiter on high, what goblins of the night have cut off your beard?
spacerON. It’s all the same to you if my head gets cut off, since you oblige me to spend my miserable nights sleeping in the streets.
spacerNIT. Me? By Castor, you are a husband of that sort because sometimes I’m a trifle peevish. You take everything in the worst way. What if I have shut you outside. Let all the gods acknowledge how all night long I’ve been anxious for your return.
spacer ON. Sure, I imagine so.
spacerNIT. You imagine so, by Hercules? I swear I take no pleasure in sleeping alone.
spacerON. I imagine that too. But pray, did you sleep alone tonight?
spacerNIT. Ha ha he, you’re being facetious. I couldn’t be alone, since in your absence you were present. By Castor, I see you scarcely perceive how close to my heart you are wont to lie.
spacerON. Perhaps I perceive this better than you do.
spacerNIT. You’re pretending.
spacerON. No, you are, you whore. Did you not have Callidamus in your bed last night? No? No?
spacerNIT. Me have Callidamus?
spacerON. No? No? No, by Hercules?
spacerNIT. Assuredly, by all the —
spacerON. Don’t swear any oath, I believe you. To Hell with that asinine virtue patience. You’re preparing horns for me.
spacerNIT. [Aside.] Now I’m ruined. [Aloud.] Me have Callidamus?
spacerON. In fact not. Rather, by the gods, you were embracing Onobarus in those arms of yours.
spacerNIT. [Aside.] Now I’m even more ruined. How ashamed I am! Oh me, having been cheated! Now I’ll become a proverb, to my misery. Pray don’t reveal me.
spacerON. No, the whole city will find out.
spacerNIT. I beg you.
spacerON. You’re begging now? I’m indebted to you for a slap for this “I beg you,“ if you recall. But if you promise to be complaint in the future and loving as well, I’ll readily forgive you.
spacerNIT. Certainly.
spacerON. Should I trust you.
spacerNIT. Most certainly.
spacerON. Now you see the value of opinion. Just now you admired the man you held in disdain, since you didn’t recognize him, and in your ignorance you loved him.

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ACT V, SCENE vii
ONOBARUS, NITELLA, ERGASIUS

ERG. Onobarus and Nitella, who would have imagined you’d join together at this time and place?
spacerON. Indeed we’ve now joined together in every respect, Ergasilus.
spacerERG. Ah, you rascal.
spacerON. But I beg you to keep quiet about it, Ergasilus.
spacerERG. Me keep quiet? Why should I keep quiet, as if I knew anything at all? By Hercules, I’m happy you’ve conjoined. Indeed, I believe that night the entire senate of the stars has convened on behalf of love and harmony. Even Callidamus has now gained his beloved.
spacerNIT. But, by Castor, I don’t want this to happen. Me bestow my Floretta on a low-down man, who deceived —
spacerERG. Good words, I pray. Now she’s neither Floretta nor yours.
spacerNIT. Then who is she?
spacerERG. Callanthia, whom once upon a time Diodorus swapped for your Floretta.
spacerNIT. What are you telling me?
spacerERG. You’ll hear inside, pray go in. But see, here’s Misogamus.

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ACT V, SCENE viii
ERGASILUS, MISOGAMUS

MIS. Hey, Ergasilus, chick. See here.
spacerERG. So you’ve got hold of a hood and a cheap robe?
spacerMIS. You doubt it? For, as Bias once said, “I carry all my worldly goods with myself.” blue
spacerERG. You have no idea what joy has befallen us. Charilaus has come back, and found his wife Theodosia, whom he thought to be dead.
spacerMIS. His wife? You call that joy?
spacerERG. And then my master has gained his darling.
spacerMIS. This too is a stroke of bad luck.
spacerERG. And also his Lupina has come back to Chrysophilus after her sojourn abroad.
spacerMIS. More of the same.
spacerERG. But Diodorus and his servant Perillus have turned out to be women.
spacerMIS. That’s the worst of all. For, as Pythagoras once said, “it’s equally bad to encounter a woman and a fire.” blue
spacerERG. {Aside.] Oh, the egregious donkey! What a pleasure to murder this fellow with laughter! [Aloud.] And there’s something else, which I’m afraid to mention. I’m a woman.
spacerMIS. The devil! You too?
spacerERG. And I love you to an excruciating degree. Pray have regard for your darling.
spacerMIS. My darling? As Antigonus once said, “I pray the gods preserve me from my friends.” blue
spacerERG. Yes, since everybody guards himself against his enemies. But, by Hercules, it’s necessary that you have you as my husband.
spacerMIS. Oh, puff, oh.
spacer ERG. Why this pointless rolling of eyes? I know full well you love me.
spacerMIS. Rather, I’d admit a hundred times over —
spacerERG. I’ll die if you don’t kiss me this very minute.
spacerMIS. Oh, puff.
spacerERG. Indeed you’ll not refuse, and I’ll never desert you.
spacerMIS. Really? As Aristotle once said about the tides of the ocean, “since I don’t understand you, you’ll take me.” blue
spacerERG. Ah, dear heart, my soft little cheese, I beg you.
spacerMIS. Oh, oh.
spacerERG. Rather I say to you what Periander once said, “govern your anger.” blue Of a surety, you’ll never get away until you vow to be my husband.
spacerMIS. I needs must make a confession. I am not destined to be your husband or anybody else’s, nor can I be.
spacerERG. Why not? Are you a woman too?
spacerMIS. A woman, damn it? Much less than that.
spacerERG. By Hercules, you’re a eunuch. Ah you ruined man!, So, by heavens, you do not, like Bias, “carry all your worldly goods with yourself.”
spacerMIS. Woe’s me.
spacerERG. But tell me right now how you came upon this misfortune.
spacerMIS. I’ll tell you, as long as you let me go afterwards.
spacerERG. Perhaps.
spacerMIS. Once, to my misery, I loved three girls.
spacerERG. Three?
spacerMIS. And these three who were, alas, very obliging, by some stroke of misfortune I do not understand I made, as it were, so to speak, one might say, slightly enlarged of belly.
spacerERG. Pregnant, you mean. Continue.
spacerMIS. Then these girls (as Menander once put it, “the worst of beasts”) blue savagely assaulted me, and, since I couldn’t marry them all, took care that I couldn’t marry even one.
spacer ERG. So what did you say?
spacerMIS. The same thing that Diogenes said to Alexander concerning the sunshine, “pray don’t take that from me which you are unable to bestow.” blue But that was in vain.
spacerERG. By Hercules, someday you can become a friar or a monk, but never a Father. I know this for sure.
spacerMIS. So now I hope you won’t take me as your husband.
spacerERG. And you must swear not to have me as your wife.
spacerMIS. Thank you.
spacerERG. Ha ha he, in truth I’m not a woman. By Pollux, I’m not. Ha ha he.
spacerMIS. You’re not a woman. So I was so imprudent as to disgorge my secrets for your benefit? Thus I become your laughing-stock? Oh, if some apothegm would come to mind with which I could murder the fellow! By Hercules, as Diogenes once said — Cancer take it! Not one quote remains for me, I’m drained quite dry. Now I say to you something which Diogenes never said or dreamed of, if you’re not a woman you’re a great buffoon.
spacerERG. Ha ha he. So you cease these trifles and, since I’ve promised, I’ll take you to a cloister, and so cure two ills with a single remedy. You wait here a minute. Lupina, Lupina. Tic toc.

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ACT V, SCENE ix
ERGASI:US, MISOGAMUS, CHRYSOPHILUS, LUPINA

CHRYS. Right here’s Lupina. Hey, how elegant! What man would not fall desperately in love with a dainty little lady of this kind?
spacerLUP. Good-bye, Candia. And farewell, cloister.
spacerERG. Quite right. But what about your fellow nuns, who are now awaiting your return in vain?
spacerLUP. Indeed this is a matter that requires some thought.
spacerERG. We have here Misogamus, who can visit them as a messenger and report that Canidia is dead.
spacerLUP. Excellent, excellent. For it is very true that I have gone over to The Majority. blue
spacerERG. So you ought to have this foremost in your prayers, that this man might be admitted into the cloister as soon as possible.
spacerMIS. Chick, hey. Not as much as previously.
spacerERG. The triumph is at hand, you all must accompany me. You’ll play the lute, Misogamus, and I’ll sing like a nightingale.

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THE SINGERS’ TRIUMPH

Ergasilus and Misogramus
Cuculus and Floretta
Onobarus and Nitella
Chrysophilus and Lupina
Callidamus and Callanthia
Charilaus and Theodosia.

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CALLIDAMUS DELIVERS THE EPILOGUE

spacerAt length our work is finished, worthy spectators, and each of us has gained that which pleases him. If our humble play has pleased you, than, although unhappily born, it has gained a happy ending. There is this one difference: whatever we have acted is false and fictitious. Now your action remains, wherewith you may conclude the drama with a rejoicing which is genuine.

Finis

 



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